One of the guys that I work with is fairly new along with me.
He's really cute and is older without really looking it - he's 29 and is a computer graphics designer. Last night he casually threw into the conversation the fact that he's been married before and it lasted 6 years.... At first, I was thrown off by the fact that this boy that I've been interested in has been married. Then I was thrown off by the fact that this was so casually said by him. It was definitely one of those times when you really want to know more but you obviously can't ask the one question that everyone wants to ask, "what went wrong?"
Finally, I was thrown off by the fact that he's 29 - which means that he got married when he was around my age or a little later and now is divorced. What a scary thought! Thankfully I had lost interest in him before last night or else I would have been worried that something like this would have completely turned me off. But would that be such a bad thing? I guess it just intimidates me that there are people in the world my age that have lived what seems like much fuller lives. But maybe they've had to grow up too fast and are now wishing that they had taken a year or two off.
When I was talking to one of my friends on the phone the other day, I came to the realization that a year off for me should be exactly that - a year off. I shouldn't be worried about trying to live my life exactly like I did in North Carolina because 1. I was a student there and 2. I'm in a new place experiencing new things. I had been beating myself up for relaxing and not being on the go all the time, but I'm learning that sometimes you just gotta take a step back and enjoy what's thrown in your path.
The only big regret that I have right now is that I'm not in a very spiritually uplifting place in church or with the friends that I've made so far. I didn't think that I would miss it this much, but I do and now I'm not sure how to get it back.
wow - 2 posts in one day. I told you I have too much free time some days. It's also because I'm avoiding packing... *shh* don't tell.
I have adopted from Christa the habit of not titleing my blog entries and I sorta like it. Mainly just because I'm too lazy or uncreative enough to think of titles.
Anyway, I'm just now realizing that I need to get into high gear for these next few days because I'm leaving for Cincinnati very soon and when I get back I'm supposed to move out of my apartment! So today after working lunch and practicing, I have to start putting all my crap back into boxes and luggage. Bleh... I hate moving, but at least I have somewhere to move to.
I have a lesson and work tomorrow and then work again on Wednesday and somehow I'm getting down to LA on Wednesday evening. I love being busy :) It just means that I really shouldn't have gone grocery shopping last night because I won't be around to eat meals. My apartment is really empty right now - I guess a lot of the girls went home for Labor Day, so right now it's just me and my roommate and then after I leave, it'll be just her for a couple days! Lucky girl.
Hm, not much to report. I might be internet-less for a couple weeks or more. I have no idea what the computer situation is at this place I'm staying, but since it's an older lady who doesn't own a cell phone, I'm thinking the outlook is not so good (now I feel like an 8 ball). We'll see. I might go crazy with no internet since I'm used to checking Craig's List pretty much every hour for new housing ads.
Okay, I might not be homeless when I get back from Cincinnati. This lady that's a client of my uncle's lives here in Santa Barbara in a SWEET house and she said she would be willing to let me rent out her guest room for a month or two while I find housing. I actually feel really great about it since she would be giving me a good deal and I would be living close to work and would have a car. So we'll see how it all works out. Already after my conversation with her I feel a whole lot less stressed out.
Friday night at work was painful. We normally make over $200 each and are so busy that it's 10:00 before you know it. Last night we had 5 waiters on staff and about 10 reservations for the whole night. That's not enough for a Friday night... and not many people were walk-ins. So I got sent home at 9 - bleh. Oh well, I've been having some really good shifts besides that.
I'm not the kind of person who gets a whole lot of phone calls, but today three of my good friends called me all in succession! It was a great phone day.
Oh and random - one of the ladies that I was going to room with gave me the number of this girl from NC who is also moving out here and will be a grad student at UCSB. We talked today and we discovered that we both just graduated from Carolina. She was an art history major there and she knows some of my friends from high school. What a small world!
I met a boy that I can spend hours talking to and that I have good chemisty with. Is he from Santa Barbara? no. Have I spend more than one day with him? no. Will I? Well, he doesn't even know if he's going to move here. Life is so darn ironic it kills me.
I have nowhere to live and I'm moving out of my current place in a little over a week!!!!!!
augh!!!!
(I will trust... I will trust...)
I just learned yesterday how to ride a bike with a surfboard under one arm. I looked like a true California surfer girl. hehe.
I just had one of the most awkward encounters of my life. It was the awkward turtle and salmon combined. I'm sad that it's 3 in the morning on the east coast because I need someone to sympathize with me.
Tonight I was so busy at work that I had no time to appreciate the beautiful 4 month old girl twins that were at my table. I worked a party of 22, a party of 8, and three other tables in one evening. Phew! But I made over $200 in one night. Booyah!!
I think my blog and I go through rollercoaster times just like all my other relationships. Right now we're in a slump. Blog, I have nothing to say to you. This is probably a good thing because it means that things are going pretty okay right now. I think it also means that I'm being more social and actually having real people to talk to, not just my imaginary throngs that drool over every word that I type.
I wonder how many blog stalkers I have......?? You know who I'm talking about. The ones that haven't talked to me in forever but happened to see my link on facebook and read it just because they're bored and it's something to do online. Not that I've ever been that person... I mean... well okay let's just be honest, I have been that person and it's okay.
Randomly, I would like to make a note about college and the life after. When you're in college you're in complete denial about the real world and you pretty much hang on for dear life for as long as possible afterward hoping that the real world is just a myth. But now I can feel the college memories becoming just that, fabulous memories that are a wonderful era in my life. I'm happy with the friendships that I've kept so far and it's not that scary to start a new chapter in life. I'm not even that concerned that I don't have a new best friend to do everything with here because I'm sorta enjoying meeting new people from week to week.
I have to say that the irony abounds in that as my dear friend Megan is becoming more and more emotional (not in a bad way) when it comes to relationships, I'm becoming more detached (also not in a bad way). By detached I simply mean a whole lot less clingy. And those of you that know me really well know that I'm quite the clinger (or at least I used to be). I wasn't capable of liking a guy without getting attached and now I just don't feel that. It's strange, but very freeing. Hm I'm really not sure what else to say on this subject even though I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of this internal change. Whatever is happening, it's still unfolding and becoming a new part of who I am.
Okay well apparently once I start typing, I just can't stop. So much for my blog slump. Yay updates!
All I have left to say on this subject is that I really am sick of flings and want a real relationship. Is that too much to ask for??
Well, as I told Megan I had already decided to break it off w/ fling boy. But now that he hasn't called me, I don't have the satisfaction of being the one to make the decision. Now it makes me like him even less. Grrrrr
I have no time to do laundry, practice, or go grocery shopping. I am eating out every night because I have no groceries and no time and am gaining weight like crazy. And I'm exhausted and so have no energy to do said activities even if I have a few free hours.
I feel like screaming, but I think I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed instead.
So it's been over a week since I've posted and accordingly there are lots of things going on in my life. I'm seeing a boy, but it's nothing serious and I really have no idea where it's going. That's the end of that story....
Yesterday I just got back from 3 days in Santa Monica with my aunt, uncle and cousin and it was such a great break. I just hung out with them and ran around with them doing their daily errands, but it was fun for me. We spent a good hour at the Santa Monica outdoor market where my aunt gets all her groceries and you stop at one stall for your fish and one for your peaches, and one for your herbs, etc. It was like being in Europe again!
We also took a trip to the Disney concert hall that was just built a couple years ago for the LA Philharmonic and it's AMAZING. The outside is curved metal that looks like billowing sails and yet it surprisingly fits into the feel of downtown L.A. I take back anything bad that I said about Los Angeles - I really really like it and would love to be a part of the Philharmonic one day - if only just to be able to play in that concert hall. Oh man there are just so many nooks and crannies in that beautiful building including an outdoor, roof-top garden that are just breathtaking.
I haven't practiced in days and my right ring finger hurts a lot - I hope that it can get worked out soon. Speaking of work, I got off the train yesterday and went to work, for 6 hours and have to go in this afternoon for a wedding and then have to go in on Sunday for 8 hours for a catering event that's off site. At least I'm making good money!!
Interesting how the longer it has been since you've posted the more you want to say, but the less it actually comes out. Oh well, this is a good enough update for now...
This is the first time that I've been able to sit down and relax in the past couple days and it feels wonderful. Being new at a job is stressful no matter what it is, but then when you throw in the fact that I'm supposed to be training and yet I'm taking sections all by myself in very busy moments, it becomes even more stressful.
On top of all of this, for some reason I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I went to bed at 11:30 and didn't fall asleep until 5. Sucko. I guess I just had a lot on my mind.
However, there are some very good things that have happened over the past few days:
- I got to meet one of the most famous flutists of our times, Jeanne Baxtresser, and she was genuinely interested in knowing who I was.
- I went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and spent an hour and a half exploring their exhibit on new Chinese photographs and video art. It was sooooo cool!!
- I discovered that SB has a coffee shop called the Daily Grind that is amazing and much larger than its counterpart in Chapel Hill. And a cute guy works there. And the coffee is cheap....
- I was supposed to have a surfing lesson today, but it has been postponed b/c there is pollution in the water. (The lesson, not the pollution is the good part of that sentence)
I'm exhausted and this weekend in this huge Spanish festival called Fiesta (creative, I know) that will sap the remaining energy from me, so I go to take a nap.
My mom just informed me last night that they're not moving to San Fransisco. I'm such an emotional wreck that I was actually upset. I had just gotten used to the idea that we were all uprooting ourselves and getting a fresh start and I was really looking forward to exploring a new city. I guess just the fact that I've been having a blast in California and it's only been a month means that I really love it here and I wanted my parents to have a similar experience.
So now I have to deal with the fact that I won't get to visit them as much as I was planning, that I will have to fly out to the east coast several times, and that I will have to decide between seeing my family during Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm sure there are good things about this as well, number one being that I still get to see some dear friends currently residing in North Carolina. Secondly, I don't have to say goodbye to the place that I've grown up in and that feels so comfortable.
I just really thought it was time to move on and it felt right, but I'm not the one that really has to live there, so I just have to be supportive to my parents in whatever decision they think is right...
I thought my job was going to be the most amazing one in the world when I saw his name on the table for the Summerdance Dinner and Party that was being held last night. Then I learned that the tables were just named after dancers and dance groups... It wasn't a completely empty hope; he had been to the Festival earlier this summer, but he wasn't at the dinner last night. If you don't know him as the best male dancer in the world, you would know him as Carrie's French or Russian boyfriend in Sex and the City in the last season. But he hates it when people refer to that (understandably so).
Aside from that disappointment, last night was a lot of fun because our restaurant turned into a catering party and I had to walk around with glasses of wine and mingled with Santa Barbara's elite society. It was an easy job - just keep the drinks coming - and everyone paid handsomely to have a fun evening. The party lasted from 8-12:30 complete with dance party at the end that the waiters all danced to as we were cleaning up. Sorry if this is boring, but it's my life right now and it was fun.
Since I was there from 4 to the end, I and some others had to take a half hour break and so the other new guy, David, and I went to a bar that was right next door. Hahaha. Yes, we drank on our half hour off and came back and finished cleaning up. Have I mentioned that I like working for a non-corporate restaurant??
Needless to say, since I got in at 1:30 after a very long shift at work, I didn't go to church this morning. But I can't see how someone can not go to church every week - I feel like my day isn't really complete. No matter how much you get out of it for that one hour, it's the satisfaction that you at least kept the Sabbath which somehow despite the old Bible language, really is important even today. I'm hoping that once I move downtown I can start exploring some of the churches, but I have to say that going to the Christian Science church for the past month has been such a blessing - I got a car, some lovely people to show me around Santa Barbara, and a lot of welcoming arms.
Today was a day off of multiple things. I didn't have to work, which meant I could sleep in without any worry of being able to get stuff done before I have to take the bus. I also dropped my flute off yesterday to get its yearly cleaning and checkup and so I have the day off from practicing!
It's nice to not have a teacher around, but I get to a certain point after about 2 weeks when I need the motivation (either in good or bad comments) to keep me going. So I'm not sure how this whole not seeing her for a month thing is going to go. Especially since I'm supposed to have a very important lesson in LA in a month without any guidance from here on out.
Things are still going well - I've been thrown in viciously to the restaurant work since we got slammed last night and it was only me and the girl I'm supposed to be shadowing. So I basically did half of the work and got none of the tips. Ah, training. I also have a car starting in September, but it's really the month of August that I need it to commute to and from work - well, I'm not complaining.
I'm waiting for the right person *ahem* to take to my restaurant on a night off because I'm dying to have dinner there and I get 50% off.
With a car, going out with my roommates, and working downtown, I feel like I'm really starting to get to know the little nooks and crannies of this place and all the cool places to be. My roommate Amanda and I are planning on heading downtown for happy hour today and I'm really excited. There are some really nice places that have incredibly cheap happy hours and fun specials. Plus, it's a bonding opportunity complete with shopping and drinks. Who could ask for a better Friday afternoon?
remember that comment about spending too much money??
well, I just bought a wetsuit.
Yay for surfing lessons!
I was talking to one of my friends last night and she told me that my life is like a friggin' fairy tale. While I agree things have been coming together pretty nicely, I really didn't believe her until this morning. It sometimes takes someone else's perspective to make you really appreciate what you have.
I called this lady from church this morning who had mentioned that she had an old car that she and her husband were thinking of lending to someone for the 6 months that they'll be gone. I told her that I had somewhere I really wanted to go today and whether I could borrow the car just for the day. She said of course!
Well, I got there and the car is a Chevy Blazer (an SUV) that is 15 years old but in really good condition. Then she said that they were thinking of letting me use it while they were gone! There's nothing definite yet, but oh my gosh it would make my life soooo much easier! Plus I could take trips to LA, San Fransisco, SLO, and random road trips. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't have to ride the bus any more and could operate on my own schedule.
The funny thing is that with all this freedom, my mind is going a million miles a minute trying to figure out where to go today with these miraculous wheels when I really just need to go ride my bike to campus and practice for a couple hours. Which I will probably end up doing because I haven't taken a single day off in a month and I'm pretty darn proud of that.
Lately I've been spending way too much money. It's like once the card comes out, it doesn't know how to stay in my wallet. Really it just means that I was so on top of my game the first couple weeks here that I got excited about all the money that I was saving. So I started spending it. Then I decided I would treat myself a couple times that ended up being a whole lot more than a couple. Now I'm contemplating buying a wetsuit after I have officially put myself in the whole for at least a shift and a half at the restaurant (that I haven't officially started working at yet).
Why can't I get addicted to running again? I think it's just not as fun when you don't have a goal and you don't have the added incentive of a race and someone to run it with. Maybe I'll have to find a new one (race not running partner because who could replace the fabulous Christa?)
tying a tie. I have to wear all black and a tie for work. I'm actually sorta excited. Now I can finally tie one!
Okay, so you can't really see it in the picture, but you can see my new makeup! So that's exciting too.
Man, I'm glad I got this job when I did because the girls in my program are leaving, my teacher is leaving for a month, and the grad student flutist is also leaving for a month. That leaves my roommates to hang out with and they've been gone both nights, so I've been hanging out in my apartment watching TV and playing dress up (see exhibit A).