The ups and downs

Yesterday was an up. Today was a down. That's how life goes sometimes. But it's only 2:00 - things could change.

I tried to be outgoing and just glom onto some girls/women from the flute program here. Perhaps I shouldn't have "glommed" too much because I think I was a little intense. It's really just because I'm so far behind these people in terms of where they are in their life, which is fine because they're all about 5 years older than me at least. So I'm okay with the fact that I don't fit in - I'm not okay with the fact that I don't have someone to really talk to here yet.

Yesterday I got to talk to Amy Stelling who is this amazing freshman that I met this year. She is the expression of joy and it was so good getting caught up with her. I think I told her a lot of stuff that I haven't told anyone about my time here in California which is just funny since I would never call her my best friend even though she's amazing. Then I got a phone call from Jonathan which also made me happy since he's another one of those people (ahem) that never call, you always have to call them. Let that be a lesson to you.

I'm super worn out from this weekend already. I listened to 8 hours of flute music yesterday and I'm set to do it again today. It doesn't leave a whole lot of free time and I have to decide whether eating or practicing is more important. Usually food wins out - what can I say.

Even though I was exhausted, I went with my roommates to one of their friends houses right on the beach (Del Playa is THE party street). It was fun and I got to flirt like mad. I even gave a boy my number *gasp*. Okay so it was a lot of fun.

Today my old insecurity has come back and I don't really know where it comes from. I think the only explanation is that all these flutists in the program get such affirmation because they actually get to perform in the masterclass but I just have to sit back and listen. Normally this would be fine since I don't have to get nervous and put myself out there but I tend to need a lot of ego-boosting recently. I guess just because I need confidence in something.

Well, I'm taking it day by day. For now it's off to practice and then many more hours of flute masterclasses.