I don't think our mutual friend Ben reads my blog, so I'm going to steal an element of his blog because I like it.
Unexpected encounter of the day: Roommate rudeness.
Now, I knew that one of the girls that I was going to be living with is a bit of a "rules" person. She likes to have the place neat, we all have chores, and she doesn't want to mess up her interior decorating. Fine. I have my own room to retreat to.
However, when she decided that my friends and I were being too loud in the hallway, we did not get a "could you please retire to somewhere less communal." We got a shout from the living room saying "you guys have way exceded your hallway time. it's unacceptable." WELL. Way to make sure I don't want to talk to you any time soon, Jessica.
Of course, I didn't say a word. I just motioned us up to my bedroom and we continued our conversation there. Erica was way more peeved than I was.
This is when I wonder, am I ever going to have the guts to stand up to someone and say, you're being rude and I dont' appreciate it? I've had the courage to stand up to someone and tell them I don't agree, but it's always been in a polite way. I've just never been able to be rude to someone when they've been rude to me. It seems like going against the turn the other cheek thing and just not the best way to resolve issues. But when is it okay to retaliate or let someone know that they've done something innappropriate?
By nature, I've always been passive aggressive, always coming up with wonderful retorts about 2 hours later. I would like to think that as time goes on, I'm finding a better balance between keeping it all bottled in and lashing out at anyone that does me an injustice.
I knew she wasn't going to be easy to live with, but honestly, things could be a lot worse and my room is too awesome to let her get to me.
Today was a great day for many reasons.
I got an excellent desk chair for cheap, put my desk together finally, and bought a rug, side table, and organizational tools. Then I unpacked most of my boxes, put them in storage, and significantly cleared out my room. It all sounds really mundane, but it's amazing what a sense of home you can have with everything in their right place. I actually enjoy walking into my room now.
I have to say, I really love my colors. The walls are a light gold, my bed is a cranberry with gold accents, and I have a chocolate rug with gold designs. It feels so warm, which is especially important in this ridiculously cold month we've been having.
Apparently, SF gets an Indian summer, so we'll be having 80 and 90 degree weather in September and October. Fabulous. Everyone's favorite quote here is:
"The coldest winter I experienced was the summer I spent in San Francisco."
- Mark Twain
My roommate, Erica, and I have been hanging out whenever I have a day off and recently we've included a guy that will be a fellow incoming grad student. It's nice to have the guy element to balance out the two females. I'm strongly reminded of my favorite trio from college days, and a little nostalgic, but I know that if there's no competition (hah, good luck with that one) then not only is three not a crowd, it's actually quite a pleasant combination.
The third reason today was great was that the three of us (Erica, Ryder, and I) made pancakes for dinner. Not just any pancakes, either. Banana pancakes. Oh man, were they delicious. There's just something about breakfast for dinner. It's so comforting and satisfying.
My bed calls, as does my early morning. I haven't been running for over a week and it's taking a toll on my body. :/ So the road calls for an early-morning appointment.
I had an awful awful encounter the other day with the Golden Gate Bridge. I was just driving along, minding my own business, when I was faced with the toll gate. I knew that I had to pay a toll, but for some odd reason thought that it would be perfectly fine to pay with a debit card. One glare, a 'toll evasion' ticket, and $30 later, I just have a good story of when I was fined because I didn't have any cash on me. Stupid big city sucking money out of tourists.
Well, that's the only thing that has really gone wrong in the past few days.
I'm now officially in my new house and will be spending my first night here tonight. There are so many pluses and minuses that I can't begin to list them all. The two biggest downsides:
- Shared bathroom
- The walls are thin, so I can hear conversations downstairs
Biggest pluses:
- huge room
- a real place to live
Every new place that you call home takes some adjusting and I think the biggest obstacle right now is moving in and unpacking everything to the point where each item has a place to go. Also, since the other 2 girls have been here for a while, I sometimes feel like their stuff is strewn about and I have to squeeze my way in, as if there's not really room for me and Erica and we're guests in our own home with a little corner of cabinet space.
It's weird to be living with people again and having to make compromises. In Santa Barbara, our only shared area was the kitchen. But here, we have the living room, the garden, the kitchen, and only one shower for four girls. Thank goodness our schedules right now are completely opposite ends of the spectrum.
The highlights of today were going grocery shopping and cooking for the first time in my own house, and my new set of bed linens. They're cranberry with a few gold and olive throws and one pillow that ties them all together. Having a bed with shams and a color-coordinated theme has been my dream for a long time. Now all I need is a four poster or really any bed frame and I will be completely happy with my bed set-up.
Where's your dad when you need him? I bought a bunch of furniture from Ikea that is really pretty, but I need a drill to be able to put my desk together. Of course, my dad probably could have made my desk, but that's a whole other issue.
Back to work tomorrow, but it was sooooo awesome to have a whole day off to get moved out and moved in and have some me time.
I'm slowly becoming more and more busy and getting out of the transition stage of moving.
All I have left on my list now before school starts is:
- move into house
- buy furniture
- study for placement exams
- figure out work/school schedule
- sell car
Currently I'm either working 9 hour days and trying to figure out how to practice as well or I have day trips planned on my days off. Erica just got here yesterday and we stood in line for a total of 2 hours to ride the cable cars. I'm not sure how many more times I'm willing to do that for visitors. It's sorta a pain in the rear. But then we had some amazing Italian food and cheesecake from none other than the Cheesecake Factory for dessert which made it all worth it.
I get to see my high school flute teacher in a few days! She moved to Texas a few years ago, so I haven't seen her since she moved and she hasn't heard me play since my sophomore recital. So I'm really looking forward to playing for her and just hanging out.
I should post some pics of my work here. It's pretty frickin amazing.
So scratch that whole 'housing sucks here' thing.
I have a place to live as of 9 pm last night!!!
So, basically everyone has to come visit me because my house (that's right. house.) is amazing, beautiful, and exactly what I want to come home to. We have 4 bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, dining area, garden, and basement/garage. What a find in the heart of San Francisco. Here's the kicker though:
I can see the Golden Gate Bridge from my window! :0)
Given, it's about 4 inches in length and I saw it when it was a completely clear day, but it's still just plain cool.
My roommate gets here on Wednesday and I have entrance exams and auditions in exactly a month. So now that I have the two main worry things checked off, I can move on to the smaller (and yet somehow more important) worry points.
Well, I caved. I'm working for Williams-Sonoma again, even though I tried my best to not get sucked in. I guess that was my will getting in the way, because I'm actually really thrilled now to have the job that I do.
Basically, I was hired and given a high starting pay simply because I have so much experience and I would never have been given that privilege had I tried at some other retail place. Not to mention the fact that the store I'm working in is 4 stories tall, has a full time maid, chef, and shipping/running staff so that the sales people are really only just sales people. It's so nice to make other people do all the work. :) Because this particular store is in the heart of the San Francisco downtown shopping area (known as Union Square), they are the representative for all Williams-Sonomas in the country. So everything is done really right and there is a high standard of knowledge to be on the team. I feel like I'm back at school with all the studying I've been doing already.
Let's not forget to add that the chefs always have leftovers from their demonstrations, so I basically get to have professionally prepared food every time I work, which will be 40 hours/week for a while, and there are some very cute boys that work there that may very possibly not be gay. I think I'm going to have fun! If they are gay, I'll have eye candy and a girl friend. Sweet!
Housing is not going quite as well, but I've given up until my roommate gets here. I just don't have the energy between work and practicing and have already put so much time and effort into it without anything really to show for it. I'm content to just sit back for a week and work my butt off to save up some money for that first month's rent. (Ridiculous how expensive it gets here).
Some unforseen recent happy events:
- I got yet another tax return in the mail that I had no idea was coming. I love those.
- One of the ladies at work has just bought HP7 and I get to read it after her.
- A cute ambiguous guy at WS speaks French and we spoke for a little. Hottttt!
- My friend, Amity, might come visit me in a couple of weeks.
- I discovered a really good coffee shop near the conservatory.
You know that your life has become that of a 70-year-old woman when:
- you don't know how to get into the building because you've gotten home after 6:00 in the evening.
That's right, folks. For the first time in 1 1/2 weeks, I got back to where I was staying at 6:45pm and found that the front door wasn't open. Not a big deal, really, since I have a key and it wasn't that hard to figure out. The point was that I had never encountered this because I've always been INSIDE after 6:00 and never knew that after 6, the doors were closed. Man, that was a severe shock and I laughed at myself for a good minute. Or more.
- you wake up at 7 every morning.
My internal clock is set for 7 or 7:30 and I've turned into my mom saying, 'You just get so much more done in the morning!' Sadly for me, I don't have that much to do during the day as a result. Good thing I have a huge city to explore.
On another note, I saw Harry Potter 5 today. 5 movies??!!?? Really? It doesn't seem like that many, but after seeing flashbacks of little Daniel in his first "year" at Hogwarts, it certainly seems like I've watched him grow up. What an amazing phenomenon and a good testament to the consumerism of America. Oh, I completely and totally contribute to the Harry Potter mania, but I still find it a little disgusting every time action figures and video games are made from movies that were made from books.
At this point in the Harry Potter series, with two movies to go and one final book about to be released, there's no question that the rest of the movies will be made. Why stop now? Every other one has been a huge hit and each one contains the who's who of the British acting world. I have to say, they completely deserve all of the hype. They are so well acted and directed. Or maybe I'm just brainwashed like the rest... There's something about seeing a book come to life, or hearing a word pronounced differently than how you always read it. Like Seamus Finnagan. I always pronounced it see-mus, but it's really shay-mus. Go figure.
The question really is, what will happen when everything is done in the Harry Potter series and there are no more movies to be made, everything has resolved itself with Harry and the huge box collections are a few years old. What then? Will life continue as it has? These are life's important queries.
Today was probably the most hectic that I've had to date in San Francisco. I spent the better part of 7 hours travelling by train, foot, or light rail to various destinations.
What was the result of all of this arduous work?
- I discovered that I no longer want to live in Berkeley or Oakland. It's way too far a commute and not worth it at $50 a week just to get into the city. So *pbllttth*
- Consequently, I have to rethink all of my housing plans and areas that I was looking in. Count yourself blessed if you have a permanent place to live, are near the parentals, or have a place waiting for you in your new city (ahem Megan and Christa). Finding housing SUCKS.
- I ate 4 times. I think I'm over-eating simply because when I have time to kill or a $20 bill to break, I think of food.
- Four restaurants now have my resume in their hands and I have an interview tomorrow. Let's hope it goes better than the last one that told me I could be a food runner for 4-6 months before moving up.
- I might have to live with 3 other people instead of 1 and possibly get a more expensive place just so my commute to school isn't one hour one-way every day.
My purse is filled with business cards, maps, a planner that I bought four days ago and have completely gone crazy with, and resumes and I think my brain cannot handle any more. At least I know I'll sleep well.
My (now ex) roommate, Courtney, would be proud. Despite the need for mindless activity, I turned off my TV after only 2 hours of watching. One small truimph for the day!
He came out to play today and I was sooooo happy. It's amazing how much the weather can affect your emotions. I'm finding more and more reasons to live across the bay, and one of them is that it doesn't get the fog like out in west San Fran.
Well I promised some pictures, so here they are.
I went to this estate called Filoli a little south of the city today and it was so beautiful. The gardens were just what I imagine are on the grounds of some ridiculously wealthy king. I was having fun imagining I was walking around in flouncy dresses with my hand lightly touching a gentleman's forearm.
I also stopped to smell the roses. Hardy, harhar.
And the big house is actually where I'm staying, not the estate I saw today.
HAH. That's a good one.
After living in a place for a year that truly exemplified stereotypical California weather, I'm going through withdrawl.
Let's just put it this way: I pulled out my cashmere sweater today and was still cold while walking around my neighborhood.
That's just wrong to wear sweaters in the beginning of July.
My favorite thing about moving to a place where I don't know anyone is that I have a completely fresh slate. I could become goth. I could become a cheerleader. I could be a music nerd that shuts themself up in a practice room all day. Okay, well I'm not moving back to high school, but you get the idea.
My first night here and yesterday were a little rough just because it's weird to just have picked up my life and plopped it down in a new city. All the people that I saw every day, all my routines are just gone and it won't be the same again. But looking back on my life in Santa Barbara, I did basically the same thing this time last year and look how attached I am to it now. I think the biggest changes are going from a small town to a huge city and going from having all the time in the world to being a full-time student with a couple jobs on the side. I'm so glad that I have these couple months to get everything figured out, or else I think I would be going crazy trying to do everything in two weeks.
Two downers:
1. I left my retainer at the house in SB. No problem! you say. Ah, but it's in the locked guest room and my landlady won't be back until the 14th. My poor retainer has had so many grand adventures and they started back in 6th grade when I threw it in the dumpster and had to go digging in the trash to find it. Yes, I've had that little piece of hard plastic for 11 years.
2. I can't get into the conservatory to practice until Tuesday. I really should have checked into the schedule stuff before I moved because it's ridiculous to be here without being able to practice. But, c'est la vie. I can't do anything about it now and I'm glad they're so strict on their rules.
I figure the best way to get to know my neighborhood right now is to go for a run. You get to see much more than if you're just walking everywhere. So I'm on a mission to find a grocery store and a drug store. Can you believe that they don't have a Target or a Wal-Mart in the city of San Fran?? You have to go drive 10 or 15 min. outside of the city. What's with these Californians? In Charlotte we have 4 within 10-minute driving radius of my house. Sheesh.
And happy last day in Santa Barbara to me. I'm trying my best to stay positive, like I'm going to go have a picnic up on the cliffs over the beach with my good friend, Amity, later. Then we're going to watch fireworks. It should be fun.
My room is all packed up but I have all this random crap that I need one more big box for that I don't actually have. I do like being able to just stuff everything in my car and go, it's definitely the best way to move. I'm really stoked about the drive up the coast, it's going to be beautiful.
Maybe my blog sounds static because I'm trying to listen to music and type at the same time. Maybe it's because I'm feeling a little dead inside right now. I need something (like a large, life-changing move?) to get me out of this funk.
As a little girl, I was never popular in school and never had close friends, which made me feel rejected. Now I do have close friends, but I make myself believe that's not enough and I feel awful when I'm rejected in one way or another by a boy. I wish that I could just slap myself up the head and be like, 'Stupid! Look what's around you! Look who does care for you! You have so many amazing people in your life!' I wonder if it would help, because no matter how many times I try to give myself an ego boost, nothing hurts more than silence or lies, which I've gotten a lot of in the past month.
*sigh* okay. I'm going to go make myself busy somehow.
I know, what is the world coming to that I blog twice in one day, almost immediately after one another.
But I remembered a funny story from yesterday.
I had a lunch date and we were sitting outside because it was a beautiful afternoon, somewhat off to the side of the patio. We were having fun just talking and suddenly I realize that it's been about 10 minutes since we sat down and we don't even have menus. So our waitress finally comes up and apologizes profusely, but we tell her it's no big deal. I honestly didn't even notice, even though my stomach did. The rest of the meal goes fine, maybe a little slow service but it was a nice day and the restaurant was busy. (Can I just say, beer from a brewhouse in the middle of the day? With a cute boy? Perfect.)
Later that night my roommate invited me over to her friend's house for dinner (2 free meals in one day? Also magnificent) and who do I meet but my waitress from lunch. She said she was really sorry about the service but that my boyfriend was a really good tipper. I replied, 'Well we both work in the restaurant industry, so even when our waitress sucks, we still like to tip well.' Haha, no I didn't really say that. I said something like, 'Oh, he's not my boyfriend, but I wish he was.'
Today is most likely the last normal day that I'll have here in Santa Barbara. So much is happening in the next week and few days that I haven't really had time (or haven't wanted to) to think about what changes are going to happen.
I can't move my furniture up to San Francisco, so it all has to get sold/given away. However, the catch is that as of Thursday I'm basically going to be across town and busy all day for four days straight and when my program ends, I'm supposed to be moved out of my room. So, I almost have to be moved out of my room as of Thursday, only not really.
To add to this, I have a girl coming to stay with me for the length of the program because she doesn't want to spend money on a hotel. Fair enough, but things are going to get craaaaazy.
I hate moving. I love living in new cities and making new friends, but it sucks to leave your friends behind and a place that you've grown to love.
It's true. I bought a Justin Timberlake CD. I can admit it to the online world and I proudly (well while laughing and blushing) tell people of my recent purchase. I can't help it if his music is so dang catchy! And I know you know what I'm talking about because Megan is the first person I think of when I hear the lyrics "gonna getcha nekked by the end of this song."
In other news, I went back to Ann Taylor. I couldn't take the not working thing. I was going crazy. Plus I made another purchase, so I needed to have the money for it somehow. I'm awful - I told my co-workers that if I bought anything else there they were allowed to slap me. I'm serious. No more shopping!!
I went to a flute masterclass this afternoon that my teacher up in San Francisco was giving. The funniest part was when I went up to go say hi to him and it took us about 40 seconds before he could figure out who I was. Finally I was like, 'um, I'm going to be your student next year??' and then he connected the two in his mind. I don't blame him - I totally didn't expect him to remember me when he saw 50 some auditionees for 15 minutes each in one day. He probably knows my name better than my face. But it was still funny. I felt quite insignificant and special at the same time.
Random story: I went out with my roommate and her friend from MAC, Natalie. Natalie pointed out the bartender at a bar we were at, saying that she had just started dating him. The best part is that they dated for 4 years before splitting up about 6 years ago. He had proposed to her when they were in their early 20's and she wasn't ready to get married. Then they separated and thought that was that. Now 6 years later (and in a different city) they're back together! It totally gives me perspective on the fact that you never know what will happen in the future and who will come back into your life. Crazy.
It was amazing how quickly my mood changed the second I entered Santa Barbara. When I was home this week, I was lazy and proud of it. But when I caught a whiff of that sea breeze, I was ready for action. I haven't really stopped moving since.
The weather has been so perfect here - sunny and warm, without being overwhelmingly humid (cough cough Charlotte). I've just enjoyed walking around downtown with nothing to do but enjoying the afternoon. When I was done unpacking, I just took a stroll and ran a couple of errands but felt like I had had two cups of coffee, I was so energized. A natural caffeine - I guess that's what living in California does to me.
Today I went to an Afro-Brazilian dance class, went grocery shopping, washed my car, practiced, and am going to a photography show opening and then on to a cycling class. I think this whole no working thing will get old in about 2 weeks. Good thing I'm basically leaving then. My week is filling up with birthday parties, events, and shows and I'm glad because I love being busy.
I don't understand boys. I'm getting the weirdest mixed messages and I just can't decide what to do. But I'm standing my ground and not making the first move because I think I've made myself obvious enough. Another good reason I've been so busy.
Well, my family and birthday have both come and gone and now after having 4 days off in a week, I'm in denial about this whole 'job' thing.
I got into Ann Taylor today to find out I'm working 22 hours next week along with my restaurant for the next four days, which means I have a 2 hour break every day during a 12 or 13 hour day. Plus our restaurant is closing, which means glassware is disappearing, we're short-staffed, and loads of people are coming in wanting to hear the whole story, which takes a while to tell and is getting quite old. I'm already burned out and I haven't gotten through my first day back yet.
I sat down to lunch today with a glass of wine and then realized 'I look like an alcoholic.' Plus it turned out I really just wanted food, not alcohol, so I poured it back into the bottle. Wine at 3:00 in the afternoon.... hmmm.
I love my birthday cards, Christa. They'll stay up on my wall for quite a long time ;) I had so much fun that day and realized that I actually do have friends here that are willing to do a lot to hang out with me. Everyone that I invited to a nice dinner showed up even though it was expensive and I had 5 good friends to share a memorable evening with. Looking out my window the next day, it hit me that I'm really going to miss Santa Barbara and this year that I've had. Not having school to worry about, having the perfect job and apartment, growing musically and emotionally, and living so darn near the beach have made this year a time I won't forget.
Sigh, okay off I go again to get ready for work.
I recently went on iTunes and discovered that I had some extra money to buy songs and promptly got "Into the Ocean" by Blue October. It's actually a depressing song if you take it literally - about someone that commits suicide by drowning himself, but it's got a great beat. Anyway, I've been jamming to it every day.
So, I really didn't want to do anything big for my birthday, and I finally decided the perfect activity ; a hike. There's one called 7 Falls around here that isn't too strenuous, but has some miniature rock climbing and stream jumping involved and is supposed to have some spectacular views. And it's outdoors and something that most people like to do. And it's a great alternative to doing something boring like going to a club, or eating at a fancy restaurant. So I'm excited. I just wonder how big a group is too big, but I figure if 10 people tell me they're coming, then 5 of them probably will, which is a perfect size.
I've finally been socializing a little and got to go out with my friend Amity last night and have a ginger mojito (mmmm) at this little tapas bar near work and then I went shopping with my new friend Bonnie today and got the cutest patent leather pumps that are good for going out as well as concert wear. Not to mention I got them at Payless for $20. Score.
Life is good, and my aunt, uncle, and cousin are coming up in two days! I'm really ready for some family time...
I saved a baby bird today. Okay, it was a pigeon and most people think that pigeons are equal to rats or something, but it was cute and helpless. I drove it to a wild animal shelter that said they would do everything they could to help it. So, voila my good deed for the day.
I had a conversation with a couple from Spain in 3 languages tonight. I'm starting to have the confidence to speak to people in public in Spanish, but man it was rough. Then they found out I spoke French and when neither of us could think of a word, we said it in English. Somehow, we still had an intelligent conversation, but my brain hurt when I left the table.
Speaking of Spanish, I talked with my Spanish roommate about Latin guys and the difference in dating in their culture. Basically she was saying that guys like to be chased. There was more substance to our discussion, but that was the bottom line. And let me just say, I'm so sick of being the one that initiates. Seriously. Can I please have someone calling me and asking me out instead of vice versa?
I'm not sure I believe in good and bad energy, but I do believe that moods get passed on from one person to another very easily and that bad feelings can be felt almost physically. I've gotten to the point with someone in my restaurant that I physically get sick being around them and we have a very tangible dislike. I've tried so hard to think positively, but it's really hard when you have so many bad feelings towards each other and a bad history to boot. As sad as I am that I won't have a steady job in a few weeks, it's almost worth it to get away from him. Awful, isn't it? I wish that things hadn't turned out that way...
I used my first Spanish pick-up line today. With much giggling.
I've been avoiding practicing recently and I'm not sure why, but I think mostly this weather has me feeling sluggish and I'm sort of in a slump since I haven't had my studio class in a few weeks due to cancellations, etc. Today was not just nice; it was hot, and almost muggy like North Carolina. I didn't even want to work out on the patio because I was sweating profusely under my long black uniform. It was too hot to go to the beach!
So I stayed in and watched Garden State instead. Now I remember why I own it - it's just such a quality movie, mainly because Natalie Portman is so awkward sometimes and profound at others and I relate to that. Or, at least I relate to the awkwardness and hope that I'm sometimes profound. Plus the characters are so deep and real and yet you don't need all kinds of background to know what they've gone through. It's just really really well-written.
My Spanish is coming along quite nicely and I've been complimented by both Alex (Colombian boy) and my roommate, Sylvia (from Seville). I mean, obviously I still talk like I'm 6 years old, but at least I can get my point across sometimes without reverting back to English. That's certainly a whole lot more than I could do when I got to California. I'm just impressed with myself for the initiation of such a task and such semi-dedication to following through with teaching myself. It certainly helps to have so many native speakers around.
Mother's Day is Sunday. I'm such a good daughter - I already got my card in the mail :) Alas, a card and a sweet note are all my Mom is going to get this year. Cheap, but heartfelt, and the beautiful thing about mothers is that love is generally all they want anyway.
I have only slept on the beach a select few times in my life, and I have to say that while each time I'm fairly miserable that night, I love the memory of such a random activity.
Last night I went out after working 7 hours at the restaurant to go salsa dancing with a girl from work and our busboy who happens to be from Columbia. Okay, let me clarify. He happens to be a hot Columbian boy that has beautiful long curly hair and a voice to die for. Lucky me. Then after leaving the club at some ungodly hour, we decided that we still weren't tired and so headed to the beach (not exactly three hours away like in NC) and stayed up talking until we fell asleep.
As an aside, my friend Amity that was the girl with us, lent me her Uggs. I'm a convert. I want some right now.
So even though I got absolutely no sleep except for the hour and a half that I got this morning in my own bed, I'm still thoroughly happy with my evening. However, I'm going to need the largest cup of coffee in the world to get me through this shift today.
For the past couple of weeks, I've had so much going on and so many big things to decide, that I've been stressed out every single day. But somehow, starting this week, I feel like I should be worried but there's nothing wrong. I have a cat on my lap, I worked all day, my car is running fine, and I can't do anything about moving at this particular moment.
I also find that I only blog when I have been drinking or am severely tired...
The former is true tonight, and it shows in my lack of posts in April that I rarely drink now. When I do, it's more like I got a free bottle of wine from work and need to drink it before it goes bad. Or I'm out celebrating.
Speaking of celebrating, May is my birthday month! I love May! May is Amy anagrammed. May is the month of Gemini and twins! May is graduation month and it's officially been a year since I've been in school. Weird... May is the beginning of summer, the end of spring, and a relaxing time. June is when things start to heat up, literally and figuratively. I've got a good feeling about May.
Oh, and I got a call from Geico today saying that my car insurance went down $100. That little gecko rocks!! It was like an early birthday present or something.
Hm, I guess that's all I have to say. My work week is just getting into full swing today and will not end until Sunday or Monday, but I've got a good schedule ahead of me. I'm hoping this month will fly by because I'm sooooo excited about being home for a week or so. I miss Charlotte and I miss Chapel Hill. I'm not sure if I'll get to visit CH, but I was just talking with my roommates about Franklin St. and Carrboro and all the great restaurants. And I watched Patch Adams last night and wanted so badly to see campus again for just a day.
Some percussionist from Cleveland friended me the other day and he knows two of my friends from high school, grew up in Raleigh, and is going to SFCM next year. Man, this world is small.
I am so excited to be moving to a new place that I can't stop thinking about it 24/7. I talk about San Francisco, I look it up online, I have planned out what restaurant I want to work in, and I am looking at beds and rooms to share on craigslist about 5 times a day. I have two more months... what is wrong with me??
The answer is that I'm so excited that i just can't contain it, but it's super frustrating when I'm not there to look at the housing or walk from block to block dropping my resume at super nice restaurants.
I got a new printer today as an early birthday gift from my parents. I'm stoked! I've been talking to it all night. Okay, not really, but I've been complimenting it on its beauty and its spectacular job of printing. Maybe I need to get out more.
My day off was amazing: got my car back from being fixed without having to pay anything, walked on the beach for an hour, bought my printer, got free Starbucks, watched a movie, and stayed up way later than I should have.
On a serious note: It just hit me how incredibly lucky I am to be going to grad school. I went to a perfect undergraduate school that was nearby and in-state and basically worry-free for me and my parents. Now I'm going to the school of my dreams and I'm still able to go. It's not like I got in and my parents said, 'Sorry, it's too expensive.' They just said, okay, we'll support you the whole way. So really I'm grateful that I get to go, but also that I have such amazing parents that have been there the whole time for me. Not everyone can say that and I'm so thankful that God has provided so much for me and given me the insight to really appreciate what I do have.
On a lighter note: Two groups on facebook that made me laugh out loud:
1.I Get Excited When My Blinkers in the Car are in Tempo with the Song I'm Listening To
2. You Know You're Screwed when the Paper Clip in Microsoft Word Starts Yawning.
Either one is keeping me up right now when I've already gone through two days of 10 hour shifts. I go to work at Ann Taylor and run around and then I get a 2 hour break and I run around the restaurant for another 6 or 7 hours. It's lots of fun.
My manager at the restaurant not only has the best memory of anyone I know, she's also incredibly perceptive. She took one look at me this afternoon and said, 'I'm sending you home early. You're exhausted.' And I was. But then one of my kind co-workers brought me an iced coffee. And I lasted 6 more hours. And now I'm sitting in bed at midnight, after furiously cleaning my room when I got home at 11:30, and I can't sleep. Oh, I'm sure it'll hit me in about 10 minutes.
And now for random musings:
-If anyone knows of any good scholarships for musicians, graduate students, or poor people, please let me know. Because I will be all three in about 4 months. Sadly, a lot of the deadlines have already passed and I've filled out so many gosh-darn applications already this year I'm dreading having to do more, plus write even more essays when I'm not even in school. But for a couple thousand dollars? I'll make myself.
-I love my new car. Except when gas is $3.33 a gallon. Then I love my car and hate California. Except I really don't hate California, just the gas prices in California. I've heard it might go up to over $4 by the summer!! eek!!!
-I ate a lot of desserts today because we had a dessert buffet at work. Now my stomach hates me and I had to repeatedly tell myself out loud that just because there were plates in the back full of sweet things, didn't mean that I had to eat them. It was quite the struggle.
I'm not currently doing laundry, but have needed to for the past week or so. Grooooosssss.
Actually, laundry is just one of the things on my long list of stuff to do in the next, oh, four months. I couldn't sleep last night until I had made a timeline for myself of everything that needs to get done before and right when I move to San Francisco. What with moving to one of the most expensive places to live, it's easy to get a little nervous. But then I look out my window, and see the gorgeous view that I have, and I realize that I've been looked after pretty well.
We all have that routine of websites that we go through every time we're online. Lately, I've been going to www.sfcm.edu every five minutes. Well, that's an exaggeration, but you should take a look at where I'm going next year! :D
Wow - it's been a long time since I've posted.
Well, I'll start with the 3 wishes game. I would wish for:
1. the ability to speak 4 languages fluently
2. stable religious beliefs that displayed themselves in the way I live my life
3. a gold flute
I've been going non-stop for the past week or so with my jobs and trying to buy a car (ah, being an adult yet again). The bottom line is that I bought a car - a really cute '97 Volvo - and then went on a Christian Science spiritual seminar weekend that has put everything in my life in perspective.
I'm being really cautious about getting on an emotional high and then falling really fast, so I'm trying to let what I learned from this weekend just make subtle changes in my life, ones that last. I was feeling so disconnected from God for the past year that being in a place with people that not only love God a lot, but they're incredibly dedicated to a religion that, to me, requires a lot of strength and conviction that I almost pushed away from them too. I might not have stood up and told everyone what good the conference had done for me, but I did it in my own way and I think that each person has a different way of reacting to spiritual growth. My journey is just beginning again and I'm not ready to share it with the world - haha except for my blog I guess.
In conclusion: good weekend, have a car (need car insurance), must practice a lot, still haven't gotten acceptance letter (what is taking so long???? did they change their mind??), and generally feeling good about life despite the stress I should be feeling.
A plus, Later, and Hasta luego.
Echoing Megan....
I have something big to celebrate.
I got into my dream school, the San Francisco Conservatory. I just found out this afternoon.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's all I really can say about the whole thing. It's just now setting in that something that I've worked for for two years has actually come true. And I'll be living in San Francisco. How much cooler can life get right now?
I'm tired, elated, amazed at how much makeup costs (I shopped at MAC between my 15 hour work day), and completely awe-struck at the huge thing that has just happened to me. More later.
Wow, it's amazing what a few hours to myself will do to clear up a bad mood. I was on the verge of a breakdown yesterday and have been crying every day for a solid week and was about to be pushed over the edge, but I got off work, modeled for a photo shoot, won a contest, ate out, and took a bath. Then I finished off a pint of ice cream. It was probably the best few hours that I've had in quite a while.
Today everything is going sooo much better and I'm excited about all the new stuff we have at AT that I can buy for concert wear. I figure this stuff that I'm getting now will last me a long time. And black can be worn anywhere...
I gave the car away yesterday and am fortunately borrowing my roommate's or I would be going crazy. Life is going on and there are a lot of decisions to be made, but I'm just taking it one hour at a time now.
I found out a couple of days ago that my restaurant is closing down in May and I'm not sure where I'm gonna go from there or when I'm going to need to search for a new job - I'd like to stay until the final day, but three jobs at once would be quite a lot to handle. However, there's a really really nice French restaurant called Bouchon that I feel would be perfect for me. French customers? No problem! I'll just bust out the rusty second language! I would be in seventh heaven.
Well, not all of life's problems are solved. But, I've started reading a book called Eat, Love, Pray by Elisabeth Gibson and it's really really good. In fact, I want her life. Or something close to it. Without all of the divorce and love affairs. Okay, so really I just want to travel like she does in the book.
I just went and spent a load of money on clothes at Ann Taylor because I have a discount there and somehow that makes it okay to buy more than I normally would... which is just lousy reasoning, but there you have it. Plus, I had a birthday party to go to tonight. That's two good reasons. bah- whatever.
It is getting warmer here in California and soon I will have to make big adult decisions like do I want to buy or lease a car and which insurance company do I want to go with. I also just got a credit card (with Ann Taylor) and it's been hard to keep myself from just swiping that little piece of plastic. Fortunately, I think I've been trained well enough to only spend what I have or what I know I will have when the bill comes.
I really need to go practice.
Today the gloominess of the weather is reflecting how I feel about this month and how dazed I feel.
Two random events have taken the lives of two other people that I am somehow connected to.
The first, Chiara Levin, was a girl that I studied abroad in France with just two years ago. She was stunningly beautiful and had it all going for her. She was trilingual and could be friends with anybody. I wasn't close to her, but there were many in my group that were. She was in Boston visiting family and friends and was caught in the cross-fire of gang-related violence. She was in the most dangerous part of town and with two guy friends as well as two that she had just met that night. Stupid, to put yourself in that situation? Sure. But do we all do it at one time or another? Of course. We never think that the outcome will be sudden death.
The second is Jason Ray, the guy that sported the costume of Ramses for UNC basketball games. I didn't know him, but I saw him around campus and in Intervarsity, and again know people that knew him quite well. Hit off the side of the highway. Freak accident. And who knows when it can happen again?
Both of these young people's families are devastated and will have their lives altered forever. And they were both my age. Sorta puts a whole new perspective on life and the people that I care about. I'm protected now from feeling the misery that their friends must feel, but for how long? And is it useful to even wonder about things like this, or do I praise God that I am living and dwell on that fact instead?
All of this, plus still dealing with Ross being gone has put me in a very introspective, gloomy mood. And that no one picks up the phone any more so I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
... is pretty much all I'm feeling this week.
Issues with my car haven't been resolved, but I found one really nice place that is willing to do some stuff without much money involved.
I've heard from both USC and San Fran. and have been placed on both of their wait lists. I shouldn't despair, because a wait list is infinitely better than an outright rejection, but geez couldn't I get an acceptance letter for once in my life???!? Seriously. I honestly don't think that's too much to ask, but apparently it is.
USC I don't really think will pan out and SF I'll just have to wait and see. I'm #1 on San Fran's list and anything could happen, in addition to nothing. Sooooo basically, there isn't any end to the waiting until July, theoretically.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have an excellent option here, I could get paid to go to school, and that there are worse places to live than Santa Barbara. But that doesn't help the initial pang of hurt I feel when I feel like I've been rejected for the second time, only this time I'm so close that everyone thinks I almost could have gotten in. Almost is so much worse than straight out rejection, and yet so completely helpful in reaffirming the fact that I do belong in the world of music despite how much I've had to struggle. I swing intermittenly between deep feelings of shattered pride and intense hope that all is not lost and that I still have a lot to offer.
Well, I haven't heard from my last school, but I honestly didn't think it went well, so I'm not expecting much. Oh Eastman, why must you always be my last hope??
Despite the fact that I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (let me say, that is the earliest I've had to get up in a looooong time), I can't sleep. Wow, I just realized the song I'm listening to is "Sleeping In" by the Postal Service.
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in...
How depressingly ironic.
I think I just have a lot on my mind, so I thought I would use this as a dumping spot. Blogs seem to be much less of a focus among me and my friends recently, so this is merely a way for me to vent, I suppose.
Random thoughts in no particular order:
- I just got word from my top choice school, San Francisco Conservatory that I'm 1st on the waiting list. To be 4th out of 50-some people is an achievement and I'm super happy that it's not an outright rejection. However, I'm so close that it's almost worse. Now I have to be in more suspense because you never know who's going to accept the spot and who's not. But, I'm next should one of the three decide not to go there! I'm pulled in all directions patience, impatience, contentment, and disappointment. But honestly, everything's so up in the air that the bad feelings don't last long and it's usually the patience and contentment that win out.
- I have to work from 8 to 12 tomorrow in the morning. Then I have the whole day free. It's gonna be really weird. Oh, and this whole two job thing is getting old quickly.
- I'm super stressed about giving my car back in two weeks and getting estimates to get the dent I made in it fixed. Anything in Cali is expensive, and cars even more so, and that's what worries me. I'm getting a full check-up done on it tomorrow, so at least I have one good point going for me before they get back. Plus, I'm of course going to get a car wash and clean it all out. Still, the dent and the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do once I give it back on April 1 are gnawing at me. Living here almost requires the use of a car, despite all of the walking that I've been doing recently.
- I just finished A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and loved it. Now I'm steadily working on Mansfield Park and am slightly depressed at how similar Fanny and I seem to be in several respects. Although I'm nowhere near as self-conscious or shy as she. But I'm definitely involved in the story after days of reading one or two chapters and managed to read about 150 pages in one sitting and tore myself away only because I thought I was tired. Now I'm holding off because I want something to do when I'm waiting for my car tomorrow.
- I've become that 'guy' that watches the television in our bar at work every five minutes to check up on the basketball game. In fact, I was worse than most of the guys that I work with. With this whole having a bracket thing, I've become helplessly competitive against both myself and the world of Facebook. I'm actually doing pretty well, if I do say so myself. I haven't lost hope that my boys will make it to the championship, but I am completely bummed that I'm working the night that they play USC and since the west coast is behind, it's prime dinner time when they start playing. boooooo.
So I have been wrestling with the decision of what to do next year if I don't get into any grad schools and finally felt like I made the right one.
I had made the choice yesterday and told my teacher today that I want to stay in Santa Barbara and go to UCSB if I get all rejections. Well, that's when she told me that I would get a full ride plus a stipend. Hello?!!??!! This is a win-win situation.
Stipend= getting paid to go to school. How ridiculously awesome is that?
I felt so great before I even told her and I felt a million times better than that after our talk. Santa Barbara and I have made peace with each other. As much as it's a small town, I can deal with that because of all the other great opportunities I would have. So basically, I'm excited about the next two years no matter what. What a relief.
Too bad I have my car to worry about now. I banged it up in November and now the owners are coming back April 1st and are freaked out about the damage. So I have to go hunt up some body shops and get some estimates on getting it fixed. Being in California basically means automatically upping the price because of the cost of living. So an oil change turns into a full check-up, etc. I'm not too happy about it, but it is my fault that I backed into a security gate. Don't laugh, it's actually a very reasonable story. And I was helping my roommates move something heavy! Good intentions, right?!?
I got a second job to start saving money, but for some reason that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon.
As an aside, my competitiveness is getting a full workout. This whole basketball bracket thing is consuming me. And I was about to pick Duke as losing, too!! Gr, I had to have some faith in them to get past the first round, but noooo. I think I couldn't care less about all the other teams besides UNC if I didn't have a bracket set up.
Today actually felt like Saturday. In the life of a waitress and musician, the days usually all blur together and any day off is the weekend. Today I had the day off of both jobs and had so much fun getting everything done that I needed to.
I got my hair dyed and cut yesterday and ended up paying wayyyy more than I expected, but it looks cute and my teacher gave me a couple free lessons, so I think it all evens out. I just won't be going back any time soon - I hope with this color I won't have to worry about roots. I've been trying to think of a way to describe it and the best I can come up with is that it's the color of cherry wood. If you've ever seen wood from the cherry tree, it's like a dark brown with red hints. That's what my hair looks like.
My gift certificate to Borders was harder to spend than I thought because - wouldn't you know it - this time when I went in, nothing jumped out at me right away. That's the funny thing about having money to spend. When you don't have it, you think of all the ways you could spend it, but when you do, you have trouble remembering everything that you wanted. Anyway, I very wisely settled on Mansfield Park and The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier that a friend recommended. I'm back into my book juggling and I'm excited about it. Right now I have those two plus A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and Atlas Shrugged. I might need to finish one soon because that's a lot even for me.
The past two days have been much better for me, emotionally. The only thing that's hard right now is that I have to tell my teacher Jill whether I want to study at UCSB should I not get in anywhere else. It's actually a huge dilemma for me and it comes down to whether I want to go to a second-rate school just because I really really want this career in music or whether I take ultimate rejection (hypothetically) as a sign that there's more in life that I should be doing. Really tough decision and scary since if I chose the second, I would have no idea what to do with my life. I know, I know, welcome to the real world of post-college graduates.
Listening to James Taylor is probably the only comforting thing right now. I'm really feeling the distance between me and anyone that I really care about. Today was a day that I just needed to hang out with someone one-on-one and do nothing. Probably not even talk, and if that was necessary, it would need to be nonsense stuff.
I went to work, yoga, and then out to dinner with my friend Hilary and some of her friends. I have nothing in common with them and felt more alone as a result. Then I got home and my roommates are either gone or in foul moods. I could have just used some chill out time.
For some reason, I'm pushing my parents away, probably because I think I'm a big girl and can handle tough stuff, but all I really want to do is be home or have a close friend nearby.
I found out from UT-Austin today and didn't get in. It was the nicest rejection that I've ever gotten and the teacher wrote me a personal note and she sounded genuinely sorry that she didn't accept me, but it doesn't change the fact.
I need to snap out of this because I think I'm letting myself get sucked into some sort of 'people should feel sorry for me' depression when I just need to be celebrating life. The grad school thing doesn't help though.
The bright part of the day was that I got a very late Christmas present (ahem, Megan) from my mom's friend - a gift certificate to Borders!!!! Tomorrow I'm going to spend hours browsing in there and Ann Taylor, to 'get to know my merchandise' aka go shopping.
Well this blog is my outlet of emotions, good or bad and tonight it definitely is tough for me.
Most of you know about my friend Ross from California that I came out to visit for a spring break during college. Well, his parents emailed me to tell me that he took his life recently.
I've never had news hit me so hard and have never cried so much for a person that I've only seen a total of about 8 days face-to-face.
This is rough for me for so many reasons. When I first met him, we had an amazing connection and we both discussed about a year later that had we not lived on opposite sides of the US, we probably would have dated. We had so much in common and never ran out of things to talk about. One of my favorite memories is walking around Boston with him until 2 or 3 in the morning, getting lost and not really caring because the company was so great. Ross was one of those people that I had a really good online relationship with - you know the people that you rarely talk to in real life, but who you keep in touch with through AIM and have meaningful conversations with despite (or because of) a lack of a phone. It's always been easier for me to express myself in writing and I love the ability to change my mind about saying something once it's already been typed out. But I digress.
When I came out to Santa Barbara, I was psyched that I would be so near where he was going to school and was eager to find out if we had the same connection. When I visited him, I found a changed person. Apparently, he was struggling with a lot of things in life. I felt so helpless, especially since he seemed so intent on pushing me away because I reminded him of a time that he now regarded as a time when he wasn't really himself. We parted and he made it pretty clear that he just needed to work things out on his own - so I wrote him a letter saying that I didn't want to just end our friendship there and that I would be there if he ever needed to talk.
We weren't that close, and there's no use blaming myself, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something else I could have done.
Every time I say it out loud, it just hits me fresh in the face.
Well, I know many people don't read this, but for anyone that is reading it, sorry for the heavy stuff. It helps so much to just write it, to make it more real and to get some of my feelings out there.
A few memories that I will never forget:
The beanie/tobogan that he crocheted for me
Making pizza and having really really sticky dough
Going to my first drive-in movie
Getting lost in Boston
R.I.P Ross Crabill
I am the newest employee at our local Ann Taylor LOFT.
When I was thinking about a second job, I realized that there was no way I hated myself enough to get a second waitressing position and couldn't think of anything that would be flexible enough to fit with my current restaurant job. And then, eureka! Why not work at a store that I'm already a walking bulletin board for and get paid to shop there for quite the discount?!
Honestly, nothing can be worse than Williams-Sonoma retail. There I had to know every tiny detail about every single product. I think I could do a much better job there now that I've been living on my own for a while... I'm really appreciative of nice pots and pans (or the lack thereof).
Plus, as I told my new manager (who happens to be one year older than I), I love to sort. I feel like working in a clothing store is just that - making sure stuff goes back where it started and putting stuff on racks that go together. It can't be that hard, can it?
I guess I'll find out.
wow. it's been way too long since I last posted. there's no way that I can cover everything that has occured in the past week. I'll see if I can use bullet points...
- saw the fam in San Francisco, had an amazing Indian celebration dinner, had a good audition, would be totally psyched to go there.
- saw Jennifer Smith in Rochester, met the boyfriend, I give approval.
- Eastman audition - eh. I won't be surprised if I get a rejection letter. Honestly, there's probably only one opening and the teacher didn't seem that thrilled by my playing.
- saw snow for the first time this winter! it even snowed when I was there, which was fun.
- plane trips were fairly uneventful until yesterday and then I had a huge baggage fiasco which I don't care to go into in detail. Let's just say that USAirways got quite a lengthy complaint email from me.
- drove up from LA this morning just in time to see UNC crush Duke for one of the last (or the last) games of the regular season. I've never actually joined a tournament pool before and am curious to see how I will do on Facebook.
- i have an interview tomorrow for my potential second job. I really don't see any reason why they wouldn't hire me.
- it's good to be home - I'm looking forward to having somewhat of a normal schedule this week.
- I'm starting yoga and a much healthier eating regiment, as well as adding more exercise in general. To prepare myself for the day not too long in the future when I will be without a car, I'm going to walk to as many places as possible, including work whenever I know that I'll be returning in the daylight.
- A pipe broke in our house the day I left a week ago. It's just getting fixed tomorrow and I will have no water the whole day. *sigh* I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those 'you don't know what you have til it's gone' moments.
- It's March! This time next month I will be making graduate school decisions (and/or life decisions) ............. I still think worst-case scenarios and won't believe I have somewhere to go next year until I hold the letter in my hand.
Note to self: A large cup of coffee on an empty stomach when not used to caffeine is deadly. I've been feeling awful most of the day.
I had some very random dreams last night: one involved a huge worm (see MIB II that I watched a couple of days ago) eating little by little a city that was built right over the ocean. I had to keep jumping from building to building. Then I had some friends visit and two were dating that I never would have expected. It was a little freaky.
It's so funny to me that I'm living in one of the most beautiful places on the west coast and I can only stand it for a few weeks at a time. I'm so excited to be leaving on Sunday!!
I get to see my parents the whole time I'm in San Francisco, which will make my audition/vacation even more fun, and then when I go to Eastman I get to see the fabulous Jennifer Smith (and her new boyfriend - I will be playing the 'you-need-to-gain-my-approval' friend).
On a similar note, Southwest is having a sale from LA to Denver for $79 one way... what thinkest thou, oh fellow red-headed kindred spirit?
I'm applying for a second job, but I'm in the middle of interviews and I don't want to say what it is in case I jinx it... but I will be really stoked if I get it.
I've been looking at cars, just because I will need one for three out of the five schools I've applied to and would really like to own my own car. The list includes:
Toyota RAV4
Toyota Corolla
Honda Civic
Mazda 3
I either want a cute little four-door that gets good MPG and is safe and reliable, or a mini-SUV of the same criteria. My dad really is pulling for the RAV4 just because it's higher up and supposedly safer that way. Toyota is supposed to be one of the best companies out there. I was looking at Ford Focus for a while, but no one puts it on their "best" lists. Sad/ironic that the ones that are are all foreign. But Toyota and Honda have done my family well, so I'll probably carry on the tradition.
All this means that when I drive up from LA next Saturday, I'm going to go test-driving!! I've never done that before! Another item to check off the "now I'm truly a grown-up" list.
With the discovery of Double Rainbow ice cream (sold in Trader Joe's - if you have one, go out right now and buy a whole pint of whatever flavor you want) and it's pure heavenly taste, along with my obsession with French, I thought this was appropriate:
| Your Icecream Flavour is... French Vanilla! |
 You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui! |
Find out at Go Quiz
This beautiful Sunday morning all I have done is finish a chick book that never fails to make me cry so that the words become blurry, watched a movie, made a breakfast scramble from scratch, and sip green tea listening to some feel-good songs on the radio.
Some days I wonder if all this sitting around is laziness and whether I've been wasting my time in California. Given, I have progressed very far in my musical studies, but I'm not the musician that spends hours upon hours in the practice room. So what have I done with all of my spare time?
But every time that I start to berate myself, I realize that life could hit me square in the face any time soon with school, a family, or a career that is just around the corner. And then I'll look back on this year as a time to really get to know myself, have time to focus on what I want out of life, and become a stronger person. I feel like I've grown so much over the past few months. I've had a lot of life experiences that I'm ashamed of, but that have made me a whole lot stronger in my convictions.
I've also found the difference between spending time with people just to be social and spending time with them because they are really quality. In college, I was so spoiled because everyone that I surrounded myself with were quality people that shared my interests and were willing to be silly, honest, and spontaneous. When you're not in a school setting, it's so much harder to find people like that and it's even harder to find time to spend with them because of conflicting work schedules and the like. But on reflection, I have found a very few people that I turn to in different moods and situations: One I can vent to and who talks with me about any life decision with honesty, one I could spend hours talking to just because we share so many similar interests and outlooks on life, and one shares my love of Carolina basketball and can share memories of our beloved Chapel Hill.
However, there is this little ache for the old times, the old friends that shows up from time to time.
I also yearn for someone to share my everyday life with. Little things like all of the amazing dishes that I'm learning to make from scratch with whatever I have in the kitchen. I feel so accomplished and want someone to revel in my cooking genius. I want to be able to share stories from work, the nice couple that gave me a sip of their wine, or the lady that complained about me for 10 minutes. I'm learning so much about myself that I'm ready to share it because I finally feel good about the decisions I make (mostly), have learned to like me and all my quirks, and am a little sick of being alone most of the time.
I honestly think I was born in the wrong time period - I needed to grow up in the 1930s or 40s when girls were getting married at 19 or 20. But then I wouldn't be able to play my flute and I probably would be a cooking, baby-making, and cleaning machine. Blech.
Today is my day off. I have never been so excited about a day since probably Christmastime.
During the past two days, I have been on my feet for 24 hours and have been at my restaurant for 22 of those hours. And the really ironic part is that out of my 4 shifts, last night was the easiest and most fun for me. I only had 4 tables in my section, which meant that I didn't have to rush around like crazy and actually got to converse with the people that were out for Valentine's Day. And everyone was super nice.
However, by the end of the night, I was so bone tired that I fell asleep instantly. Of course, the fact that I stayed up til 4 am talking and had a heavy sedative helped the situation.
So my Valentine's Day was quite pleasant - even though almost everyone that I work with has a sig. other, we all went out afterwards and just hung out together. It was a nice sense of comradeship. Honestly, it was just another day for me and I really didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
However, I did buy the cutest earrings for the occasion. They are long, dangly, red and white hearts and they look sweet with my all black. I got compliments all night ;)
I'm still a little groggy, so I don't have anything too intelligent or thought-provoking to post right now. Hurray for days off!!
After spending you-don't-want-to-know-how-long on this website, I felt the need to post the end result:
Me posing - as an M&M - in front of an ancient Mayan ruin in Belize, the country on the top of my to-visit list. I really wish I had shoes that color.
I am officially halfway through my auditions, with what is, in my mind, the two hardest left. But I have had very encouraging signs along the way that say that I am ready for whatever I may face in the next few weeks.
In my audition today, the professor echoed what the teacher at USC said, which was, in essence 'I think you're a good player and want to say that I will take you, but I can't commit since the auditions aren't over yet.' While this may sound flakey to anyone not in the music world, this is one of the biggest signs of encouragement. She even made sure that I knew she was serious because she added that she really doesn't like to say anything to candidates, but that I had "drastically improved." From either this summer or last year's audition, I'm not sure which.
Sorry, I'm not trying to toot my own horn. Au contraire, I'm trying to pump myself up for the two schools that would probably be my top two if I had to make a list of which I want to attend. But frankly, after being told most of my music life that I have potential but that I still need a lot of work, it's nice to actually have some of my work pay off.
I'm not counting any chickens yet though.
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As my reward, I went out and saw a movie by myself. Since I had gone to the awards show that honored him at SBIFF, I figured I should go see Dreamgirls that was directed by Bill Condon. I really liked it! Very well acted, and although I understand star status, Jennifer Hudson really should have been one of the first shown in the credits instead of being listed after all the major stars with much more insignificant roles. But, she wasn't an actress before, so I understand. Wow, she totally deserves all these awards she's getting. Can anyone tell me why she's supporting actress and Beyonce is lead actress? Is it because of name recognition? But honestly, everyone did a great job. Eddie Murphy wasn't Eddie Murphy for once. In fact, I'm not sure he had a single comedic line.
Oh, and I cried at the end (well, got choked up and slightly teary which is saying a lot for me), so that's a sign of a good movie, since I'm a rock normally.
As a side note, I saw a sign in a bookstore that said:
"Don't judge a book by it's movie."
I thought that was pretty clever.
Is it just me, or do the two seem to go hand in hand a lot more often nowadays? It's like either movies are made from books that were bestsellers only the year before, or books are written based on movies. I can't walk into Borders any more without seeing a whole section called "In the Movies."
Today marked the beginning of my mini-vacation and I'm very excited about the way that it has started out .
I finishe my lunch shift and ordered a chicken caeser salad which was exactly what I wanted. You know how important that is.
Then I came home and chilled out for a couple hours and then watched the Duke UNC game that was nerve-wracking and amazing all at once. We totally dominated in the second half and our comeback was so thrilling since the one and only time I ever watched a game was one of our three losses out of 23 games. My friend and I went to a bar and grabbed a drink to celebrate.
However.
The bar that we went to is known for making the stiffest drinks in town, and folks, I'm glad I love gin. Because that's basically all that was in my drink. With a touch of tonic and some lime juice. A good 6 oz. of gin. Yeah.
Then I went to my friend, Bri's party in her room for having finally cleaned it after 6 months. It looks beautiful. I had two very stiff White Russians and we "watched" Lost and South Park and then retreated upstairs to debate everything from gossip at work, to yoga, to how we've changed from high school. It was a great night. And I met their cute (boy) roommate who happens to work as an architect and who I got to share my newfound love of The Fountainhead with.
I'm leaving for LA, then Austin tomorrow. I love to fly! I love vacation!
My bad, Apple doesn't make minis anymore. But a nano would be just as cool and it can still hold up to 2,000 songs. And I could get it in electric blue.
Today was just one of those days that, as my co-worker so succinctly put it, I wish I hadn't gotten up.
My brain was totally not in gear at any point in the day and I would constantly catch myself hanging up clothes that were dirty, driving down a street without paying attention, and staring off into space. It's like I was on auto pilot but my brain forgot to start the engine.
It started out as a so-so day. Not bad, not good.
I sounded okay (flute-wise), but not spectacular and I really couldn't convince myself to buckle down and work on something. My workout was okay, but I didn't really feel great afterwards. I went food shopping and only got necessary stuff, which is always boring. (Let me insert what an amazing store Trader Joe's is ... I got my week's worth of groceries for $13. But then again, I'm leaving town on Thursday, so that's not fabulous).
Then the day got progressively worse.
Folks, I've had two deaths in my life in the past 5 hours. Don't get too concerned, they're not people or anything.
My mom called me after work and told me that our oldest cat, Molly, had died this morning. Apparently my dad sent me an email telling me because he couldn't even get on the phone to tell me. She lived a very full life - she was 13 - and I was sort of expecting it just because she hasn't been looking great the past few times I've been home. In fact, I think I'm okay about it, but I'm really concerned about my dad. Literally this is like losing a child for him. If you've had a pet die that was like a family member, then you understand. She was so spoiled by him and could get away with anything. Add to that the fact that he's alone b/c my mom is in San Francisco and you can imagine what he's going through. I wish I could hop a plane just to be there.
The second death was tragic as well. Actually, they're on two completely different planes so I'm not even going to compare them. My iPod's hard drive crashed. This implies clicking noises and a screen with a picture of an iPod that has crosses for eyes and a tongue sticking out. I'm not kidding. There's nothing I can do b/c it's not on warranty anymore and a new hard drive would cost about half as much as a new iPod. I've been contemplating getting a mini instead since they apparently only last for 2 years anyway and I'll never be able to fill up an iPod like the one that died in 2 years. I just don't listen to that much music, but the stuff I do listen to is really important. I use that thing daily... grrrrr.
The only good parts of my day were that I got a bonus on my check that I wasn't expecting and that I made some money at work tonight and got to keep it all since I was the only one working.
I'm hoping that tomorrow will be an improvement...
I'm sooooo ready for bed. But I feel like blogging because I'm on that very fine line between awake and comotose. Well, really I blame it on the Red Bull and vodka that was my first drink of the evening/morning.
It is so easy to just walk into parties if you know the right ones to go to. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a crasher, but if I was, the one I was working at would have been perfect. Just dress in black and say that you're catering or with the caterers and BAM you're in! It worked for me... except I was with them. But man, a party with free food and apps is the place to be around 12:30 because everyone is leaving and the alcohol is flowing freely. Oh gosh, now I sound like an alcoholic. I'm at the point where I'm ready to delete my entry, but I think it will be much more entertaining this way.
I spent the night passing food, saying/yelling over and over what I was serving, and flirting with the cute boys that can afford $2000 tickets to get them into parties such as this. The VIP room was a joke or at least I didn't know any of them, but I think I saw Steven Spielberg. Not sure though.
My chef is known for drinking on the job, so when he asked me to get him two drinks, I was not surprised. I was surprised when he hands one to me and one to another girl I work with and says, Cheers. I'm starting to like this grizzly bear man more and more. He's a grizzly bear b/c he's gruff on the outside and hard to get to know, but really is just a teddy bear.
Oh gosh, I'm rambling. I think I just need to go to bed. Well, fun reading. Or deciphering. Actually, I'm typing pretty well. Good night!
I smell like Pina Coladas. Sweeet. Literally.
I am having major problems motivating myself to practice this week. I need to keep reminding myself that just because I had a good audition doesn't mean that I actually got in. Also, I just made a reservation for renting a car in Texas and will be spending an extra $80 not to mention gas down to L.A. So that's some good motivation right there - it'd be really great if I didn't spend all that money for nothing.
Instead I've been baking, cooking, getting my tax return together, and working out to avoid practicing. Oh, add to that blogging. I'm going, I'm going, but I'm not going willingly quite yet...
Well last night was probably the best night I'll have this week.
First, I got dressed to the nines and may I say, damn I looked hot. Proof:
My roommate lent me her very chic wrap, so I had to get a full-length view too:
Sorry, it's sorta dark but hopefully you get the picture. hardy har har.
I felt very VIP as I flashed my Platinum Pass and they let me and my friend right in, where we waited for 30 minutes before the program even started. Oh well, it's the concept of being able to get right in that counts, right?
The program was cool (but no screening of Dreamgirls since this guy, Bill Condon, was being honored for his life's work basically.) There were film montages and an interview for about an hour w/ the director. I didn't know it, but he also did Gods and Monsters, Chicago, and a movie I hadn't heard about but really want to see now, Kinsey with Liam Neeson. It was neat to see the array of genres he has worked in and get to hear his insights as an up-and-coming director, but someone that hasn't hit full stardom yet.
Two of the Dreamgirls (the other two besides Beyonce) gave him the award and both were featured in some clips. Um, if you haven't heard Jennifer Hudson's voice yet, go out and see the movie. I'll be right behind you. Her voice is INCREDIBLE. We're talking blowtheroofoff, mirrorshatteringinagoodway amazing. She's the one that was voted off American Idol and is sure showing them who's boss.
This is the three of them. Sorry, guys, I'm a little star happy.
Then came the after party. Of course no one famous was there b/c I'm sure they were at some super secret after party, but I am not one to pass up free drinks and food. Again, I was waved in with my pass as I made my way up the red carpet (probably the only one I'll ever walk on, haha). Once inside, I was bombarded with delicious food and an open bar. Can life get better? Apparently it could. As we were walking around, we discovered a third level to the venue and suddenly we were in a paradise of desserts and free massages. Oh, that wasn't it though - oh no - there were also free products to just take at will. So I loaded up on shea butter that smelled of pina colada and lotion that smelled of pink champagne (not really, it was sorta flowery).
You know when you go get a manicure and the best part is the hand massage? Well, that's what I got for 5 minutes. haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Feeling relaxed, full, and happy, my friend Patty and I felt like it was completely appropriate to duck out at 12:15. I went to bed a pampered girl. I like this treatment, but I think I could get sick of it after a while, or at least grow to not appreciate it as much.
I'm on a blogging roll - I guess I just have a lot to say recently.
Well my news for today is that my manager decided to give me not only a 4 Film Pak to see 4 movies at the Film Festival, but she also gave me her two Platinum Passes to go to an awards show tonight. The show is honoring Bill Condon, the director of Dreamgirls (which I haven't seen - I hope they have a showing before they give him the award). So I'm going w/ one of my friends here and we get priority admittance as well as admittance to the party afterward w/ free booze and food.
SWEET ACTION!!!
I'm sure I will have much to share tomorrow.
On days like today when it is nasty, wet, and cold, the only appropriate thing to do is stay inside and read by the fireplace and watch movies.
I did most of the above, but since I am too lazy and poor, there was no fireplace, or at least no fire in the fireplace.
Book You Should Read
The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seilerstad
Wow - if you want a really good look at everyday life in Afghanistan, but can't handle straight up news like me, this is a good start. It's written as 'fiction,' but it's actually completely non-fiction and it's so interesting to read about a completely different culture and their sets of morals and social world. Talk about realizing how lucky we are as women in America and how amazing it is that we actually get to marry people that we love, and on our own time. Can you imagine marrying someone the age of your grandfather and being expected to feel blessed?
What I like in particular about this book is that it doesn't try to isolate all the differences between 'them' and 'us.' It just naturally shows them by telling stories of everyday events.
(As a side note, I really love this whole not having school and having all the free time in the world to read books that I've wanted to read for a long time. By reading the 'classics' I feel academic and by reading them on my own time, I feel indulgent.)
Movie You Should See
The Hours, with Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman.
Not only are those three women some of the most talented actress I know, but they're surrounded by an amazing cast. I've stated previously that I love movies that follow real time and this is another wonderful example. It just follows three women in three different decades through one day in their life and they're all connected and all almost simultaneous. The symbolism is so poignant and yet subtle at the same time and some expected outcomes and some unexpected.
Philip Glass did the score and I have to say that the music really completed the movie - constantly shifting, but keeping the same undertone and always a little uncomfortable, like you're feeling the uncertainty of each of the women even though they have such a perfect facade. (Incidentally, I think he was also listening to a little too much Counting Crows because I distinctly heard the opening of "Colorblind" at several points.)
Can I go back to how amazing the acting was? Nicole Kidman was a completely different person! Her voice was deeper, not so silky, and she fit perfectly every single aspect of her character. Meryl Streep has proven again and again that she can fill any role given to her and this was no exception. Julianne Moore had probably the hardest role because she never spoke her thoughts - so she had to show everything on her face and yet we knew exactly how she was feeling and the agony that she was going through. Ed Harris and Toni Collette had shorter roles, but no less deep and in fact might have been more complicated because they had to convey so much emotion in such a short amount of time.
The only thing I didn't really get was the whole lesbian theme. I mean I got that it was a theme, but I didn't understand the connection. Perhaps they all didn't feel like they fit in and felt conflicted because they were torn between two worlds in so many different ways?
This definitely needs to stay in my movie collection. I have a feeling I could see it over and over and still get so much out of it.
That was my semi-coma induced attempt at a relevant and witty blog title.
I can't believe that 14 hours ago I was in an audition in L.A. - this day has got to be one of the longest in history.
So, really quickly: I drove from L.A. today to go to work at 4:30. Right now Santa Barbara is in the middle of an International film festival with some big names. I thought that there's likelihood that I will see someone famous and should look good at all times when working. Of course, I was so tired that I didn't really care tonight and just threw something together. And wouldn't you know it, but I waited on Rider Strong and his girl date. (For those of you not in the know, Rider Strong played Shawn in 157 episodes of Boy Meets World and yes I did look that up on IMDB.)
Shawn was the guy that every middle school girl had a crush on and Corey was just the cute boy next door. I had a major crush on Shawn and like to watch the high school episodes more just b/c he's at least dateable at that age instead of a little 13-year-old. Fortunately for me, Rider is too short for me to want to date, you know, because I'm sure he now wants to ditch his date and come back to the restaurant looking for my tore-up self.
So that's my little brush with celebrity. Woo hoo. I can even tell you what they ordered... haha.
I just like that about two months ago that other guy came in from the show - it's like they abound in Santa Barbara or something. Anyway. It was my highlight of the evening.
Oh, and I changed my blog again. Christa was right - it was too green before. I think I like it better this way, but don't be surprised if it changes again.
I felt like my blog needed a makeover. Like it? There were wayyyy too many choices of colors and stuff on the template. It was like being in the Cheesecake Factory and trying to decide which flavor to have - near impossible.
Well, I'm on my way to L.A. this morning. I just had to post because the trip is already off to a good start.
Yesterday was amazing. I:
- got off work incredibly early
- ate at a cheap and delicious Indian buffet (haven't gone since Chapel Hill, seriously) with my friend Hilary
- talked on the phone for an hour with someone I love
- wrote my final cadenza
- had quality roommate time
- had a whole conversation in Spanish with the sous chef
- got up early
- will make myself some tea before leaving
- found that people have commented on my posts after all!!! I just had to 'moderate' them, which I had no idea I had to do. So now I've fixed it so that I can see them right away, but it was like Christmas because I had 14 comments from all you lovely people in one sitting. It was fabulous.
My social life has been nil recently. My days have been 'practice, practice, go listen to music or play for someone, work, yoga' in some order. And actually because of yoga, sometimes 'eat' doesn't get in there b/c you're not allowed to eat for three hours before the class. I feel like I've been fasting for days, since I'm so used to being able to eat whenever I want to.
So I'm taking off time from yoga because I want my body to feel normal again - I want to crave food, I want to not be sore, I want to not be insanely tired every day, and I want to sleep and eat normally.
But back to the social thing: I'm a very social person - I've been getting home and hanging out with my roommates just because I need someone to talk to at the end of the day. I haven't seen any of my friends this week, our schedules always collide which sucks. (Oh, and the boy and I are over. If you really want details, you can call me.) Actually, you can call me anyway because I need to talk to lots of people over the next couple days because 1. I will be driving for 2 hours down to L.A. and back again, 2. I'll need to hear some friendly voices before my audition on Saturday, and 3. I haven't talked to any of you in so long! But we both know that I will probably end up calling you (collectively) because I am almost always the initiator. It's okay - I like it most of the time.
I'm blogging right now solely because I ate way too much for lunch and I can't move a single step from my bed just yet.
I've tried this new thing called bikram yoga - it's yoga done in a room that's like 110 degrees and by the end of it, you've drunk an entire bottle of water simply because you had to to replace all the water you lost sweating. It's super intense. I think I like it because every day is a new challenge for me, like today I got there and was just not into it because I was so tired, so it took a lot of concentration just to stay focused on each move. Also, a lot of the positions are really uncomfortable, which is sort of the opposite of what most people think of when they think yoga, but the instructor said that this just means that my body is getting stronger. So I just paid for an introductory period and then I can decide if I like it enough to drop my gym and just do this.
I played in studio last night for the last time before my audition this weekend and it went so much better than last week (thankfully). I feel almost ready and I've certainly been working on the 'mental games' aspect doing everything I can to just center my thoughts and really concentrate on why going through this process again. It really comes down to the fact that I love music with my whole being and nothing gives me more joy. It's been really interesting to see the results when I simply think about the word 'joy' when I play. No kidding - it has made a world of a difference, I think because it gives me the confidence and reminds me why I love to play.
Okay, I think the food has settled now.