Whoa, better watch out Megan. I've been writing a whole lot more than you recently. Boo yah.
I'm really glad that my computer can't give me a count of how many times I go online and check my regular websites (email, blogs, craig's list, and facebook - usually in that order). Today would not have been a happy count. I really need to find something to fill my days because you would think that practicing my tail off would be one of them. But no. I go through weekly phases where I'll practice a lot and it'll get me ready for whatever is coming up and then I slack off. Maybe that's all that I need for a year off, but I'm definitely not reaching my full potential. Yikes, I'm harsh on myself.
I did, however, get a lot of reading done today. The book I'm reading now is one that I think every girl should read no matter where they are in life. Since I know at least someone in every category from never been kissed to newly married, this is the book for them. Girls, go out and buy Real Sex: the naked truth about chastity. Correction, if you're Christian and a girl, go out and buy this. It's exactly what I need at this point in my life, but I think it is good for any point in life, as I've said.
Oops, I could go on but Gilmore Girls calls. Yes! Priorities!
Man, I missed having my own room for two days. Now I'm back in the big queen bed and I have everything at my fingertips. That's all.
Oh, and I have a day off tomorrow, then work for one night and then it's off to explore California!
I really, really, really want to join the YMCA here. I'm going to do a grown-up budget session tomorrow to see if it's feasible because it would be the motivation that I need right now to get in shape.
So it's 2 am and I'm still awake. Well mainly it's because if I lie down for a second my entire head becomes congested. Lovely image, I know. Normally I'm the person that just suffers in the dark waiting for sleep to come, but I'm trying the other method that most normal people try which is to stay awake until you're so tired you can't stand it.
I had to give up my room for the weekend b/c the lady that I rent from is putting up her ex-husband in the guest room. This would be a fine arrangement except that I'm 1) sick and 2) sleeping on a blow up matress that basically would fit a midget. Sorry to be politically incorrect, but it's true. My sleep is broken at best on this stupid thing. Thankfully it's only for two nights, so I get the real bed back tomorrow.
I just finished Memoirs of a Geisha, the book and then almost immediately watched the movie. I had started the movie two weeks ago when I hadn't read the book and couldn't get through it, but after reading the book, I see that it was really well done and exquisitely directed and shot.
Tonight I met up with one of my former roommates for dinner and fun activities and I had exactly what I wanted for dinner. We're not talking close enough - it was exactly what I had been craving. For those who know me best, this is something to be celebrated. (Just so you know, it was chicken with sun-dried tomatoes and artichokes in a rosemary cream sauce on spinach fettucine). Later I went to go hear one of my friends play the flute in an Irish pub. The whole band sounded great and I wish I could have stayed there all night. One of the things that I love about Santa Barbara is that there is always something fun to do and usually it's cultural, artistic, or has something to do with the beach. *Sigh* I'm not sure I want to leave....
This has been the month for travel and I'm leaving this week for LA and San Fransisco. I'm actually excited about visiting my mom up north, but I really wish I didn't have to go to LA to babysit my cousin. I certainly owe it to my uncle and aunt who have been doing everything to make me feel more at home in California, but I'm missing some major work nights and I'll pay for it (literally) later. Thankfully, I won't be leaving Santa Barbara again for another two months when I get back, so I'll be able to work my little tail off.
Ooh, I found a new pasttime I think. Malca (the lady I rent from) took me to her country club for lack of a better word today. We did laps in the pool and then sat in the steam room. It was so refreshing! I haven't been swimming in so long - my legs were really burning, but it's such a greta form of exercise. So I think I'm going to join the local Y and do swimming and spinning. I miss being in shape and have been trying, but I think I need more of a strict regiment.
Well, I'm not tired, but I think I need to end this post anyway. It's gotten a bit long.
Right now I'm not sure about a whole lot of things; where I stand spiritually, where the heck my morals have gone, and who I'm becoming. But after a long conversation, I know that God is showing His love for me through my friends. You truly are just an extension of my family by being the ones that I can turn to.
I'm a mess. Talking things over with a best friend helps so much and I always forget that until I get up the nerve to expose myself and all my flaws. But no one's perfect and I think I come to some of my best conclusions and decisions after being reassured that I'm not spiralling out of control like I sometimes feel.
Or something like that. I'm so excited about having my own kitchen that I went a little crazy when I went shopping yesterday. But, I have successfully made several dishes that required more than a microwave or a quick saute.
Since last night I have made Oreo pudding, jumbalaya with cornbread, and pizza. Okay, so the pizza doesn't count but the others I have actually had to use a mixing bowl and a knife to prepare. This is a big step from how I've been spending time in the kitchen for the past two months. Now I'm actually cooking like a single adult! I was so proud of myself when the cornbread came out perfectly and tasted divine.
On top of this delicious new change in my life, today has been a fabulous flute day and I sound like a orchestra diva in my room because the acoustics are amazing. On second thought, maybe I should practice in another room to make myself work harder and then use this room as a reward.
Let's hope that later today my luck doesn't change because right now I'm playing the "I can wait another day even though my gas tank is on empty" game. With my new car, I haven't learned how far I can push it. I think that I should probably not push my luck and just stop at the next gas station I find. Okay, well off to work!
I have officially moved into my new place and am already feeling really good about it. I have my own kitchen (!) that as of right now, I don't have to share with anyone. It's sorta sad to not be around any roommates, but I think I need this alone time.
For every down side to my new living situation, there's an equally good side. I'm not near any of the people that I've met over the past couple months, but I'm a 3 minute drive from work. I don't have a bike any more, but I have a car. I have to spend more money on groceries and gas, but I'm not paying nearly as much as I will when I move to my more permanent apartment. And, I have internet!!! I don't have things to do late into the night, but that means that I'll probably get a better sleeping schedule and be able to get up and run in the mornings.
I really want to go join a gym. But I need to do a budget first because I have convinced myself that I can spend a whole lot more money than I actually can.
On the boy front, I've finally found someone who I connect with emotionally and physically and who I can be myself around. Most of the other guys that I've met I haven't really cared if I see them again, but with him I do care. That's probably the reason that after we had a really great night together, he hasn't talked to me in two days even though I know we had a great time. Well, what's life without a little relationship drama?
I think I get to lay low for about a week and a half and get more comfortable with my new place and then it's off to San Fransisco and LA for a week. Should be fun, but I'm looking forward to October when I have absolutely no plans of going anywhere. I can just stay here and practice and make money. Woohoo.
But I also love getting back to the place that I live and catching up on everything that has accumulated over the past few days. I love reading 20 emails instead of checking every day and only getting a couple good ones. I love going grocery shopping. Heck, I'm even slightly excited about packing today and moving tomorrow. Note, however, that I am blogging before I face that daunting task and before I attempt to practice after many days off.
I want more of my friends to get married. This is simply because weddings are so much fun and you get treated like royalty even if you're not the bride. It's a time of celebration and joviality and a little bit of stress just to keep it realistic.
Colleen's wedding was beautiful, classy, and fun. It was the best wedding that I've been to to date. I was so relaxed the entire time except when I had to play for the service and I was horribly out of tune - not good when a majority of the bridal party are musicians. I got a manicure, which besides a pedicure is one of my favorite pasttimes and I wish I had the money to get one every couple weeks because I totally would. I also just got to meet lots of really sweet people and see what it's like to have a huge family with relations everywhere. Too bad I'm not the one getting married into either family because now I know everyone and I probably won't see any of them ever again. Oh well, it was still great getting to know these amazing families.
I also got to act as a bridesmaid and was there for Colleen's last night as a single woman in which we got smashed and laughed for an hour about a washcloth in the toilet. Yup, it was one of those nights. It was so nice to see everyone having such a good time the entire weekend and Colleen was the opposite of a bridezilla - she just went with the flow and sometimes took the lead when a decision had to be made.
There were several sad stories accompanying such a great weekend and they all had to do with the stupidity that is airport security. On my way out, I had just gotten off of work the day before and gone straight to the train station, so I packed my apron with my other belongings. When my suitcase was scanned in the xray machine, they saw my wine opener and because I had already checked a bag and didn't want to go through it all over again, I had to surrender it. Grr! I paid good money for that stupid corkscrew. On my way back, I had just bought a bottle of water and was unscrewing it when I got in line for the security scanners. The guy in charge looked at my bottle and told me that I would have to throw it out. I know the rule about liquids, but I figured since it was extremely obvious that I had just bought it, I could get away with it. Wrong. I had to leave the line, down my refreshingly cold H2O and get back in line sans water bottle. Grr times two.
Well, I get to go travel some more in a couple weeks when I visit my mom in San Fransisco. Besides that, I'm hoping to make some more money at the restaurant and get settled into my new place. Life is good!
One of the guys that I work with is fairly new along with me.
He's really cute and is older without really looking it - he's 29 and is a computer graphics designer. Last night he casually threw into the conversation the fact that he's been married before and it lasted 6 years.... At first, I was thrown off by the fact that this boy that I've been interested in has been married. Then I was thrown off by the fact that this was so casually said by him. It was definitely one of those times when you really want to know more but you obviously can't ask the one question that everyone wants to ask, "what went wrong?"
Finally, I was thrown off by the fact that he's 29 - which means that he got married when he was around my age or a little later and now is divorced. What a scary thought! Thankfully I had lost interest in him before last night or else I would have been worried that something like this would have completely turned me off. But would that be such a bad thing? I guess it just intimidates me that there are people in the world my age that have lived what seems like much fuller lives. But maybe they've had to grow up too fast and are now wishing that they had taken a year or two off.
When I was talking to one of my friends on the phone the other day, I came to the realization that a year off for me should be exactly that - a year off. I shouldn't be worried about trying to live my life exactly like I did in North Carolina because 1. I was a student there and 2. I'm in a new place experiencing new things. I had been beating myself up for relaxing and not being on the go all the time, but I'm learning that sometimes you just gotta take a step back and enjoy what's thrown in your path.
The only big regret that I have right now is that I'm not in a very spiritually uplifting place in church or with the friends that I've made so far. I didn't think that I would miss it this much, but I do and now I'm not sure how to get it back.
wow - 2 posts in one day. I told you I have too much free time some days. It's also because I'm avoiding packing... *shh* don't tell.
I have adopted from Christa the habit of not titleing my blog entries and I sorta like it. Mainly just because I'm too lazy or uncreative enough to think of titles.
Anyway, I'm just now realizing that I need to get into high gear for these next few days because I'm leaving for Cincinnati very soon and when I get back I'm supposed to move out of my apartment! So today after working lunch and practicing, I have to start putting all my crap back into boxes and luggage. Bleh... I hate moving, but at least I have somewhere to move to.
I have a lesson and work tomorrow and then work again on Wednesday and somehow I'm getting down to LA on Wednesday evening. I love being busy :) It just means that I really shouldn't have gone grocery shopping last night because I won't be around to eat meals. My apartment is really empty right now - I guess a lot of the girls went home for Labor Day, so right now it's just me and my roommate and then after I leave, it'll be just her for a couple days! Lucky girl.
Hm, not much to report. I might be internet-less for a couple weeks or more. I have no idea what the computer situation is at this place I'm staying, but since it's an older lady who doesn't own a cell phone, I'm thinking the outlook is not so good (now I feel like an 8 ball). We'll see. I might go crazy with no internet since I'm used to checking Craig's List pretty much every hour for new housing ads.
Okay, I might not be homeless when I get back from Cincinnati. This lady that's a client of my uncle's lives here in Santa Barbara in a SWEET house and she said she would be willing to let me rent out her guest room for a month or two while I find housing. I actually feel really great about it since she would be giving me a good deal and I would be living close to work and would have a car. So we'll see how it all works out. Already after my conversation with her I feel a whole lot less stressed out.
Friday night at work was painful. We normally make over $200 each and are so busy that it's 10:00 before you know it. Last night we had 5 waiters on staff and about 10 reservations for the whole night. That's not enough for a Friday night... and not many people were walk-ins. So I got sent home at 9 - bleh. Oh well, I've been having some really good shifts besides that.
I'm not the kind of person who gets a whole lot of phone calls, but today three of my good friends called me all in succession! It was a great phone day.
Oh and random - one of the ladies that I was going to room with gave me the number of this girl from NC who is also moving out here and will be a grad student at UCSB. We talked today and we discovered that we both just graduated from Carolina. She was an art history major there and she knows some of my friends from high school. What a small world!
I met a boy that I can spend hours talking to and that I have good chemisty with. Is he from Santa Barbara? no. Have I spend more than one day with him? no. Will I? Well, he doesn't even know if he's going to move here. Life is so darn ironic it kills me.
I have nowhere to live and I'm moving out of my current place in a little over a week!!!!!!
augh!!!!
(I will trust... I will trust...)
I just learned yesterday how to ride a bike with a surfboard under one arm. I looked like a true California surfer girl. hehe.
I just had one of the most awkward encounters of my life. It was the awkward turtle and salmon combined. I'm sad that it's 3 in the morning on the east coast because I need someone to sympathize with me.
Tonight I was so busy at work that I had no time to appreciate the beautiful 4 month old girl twins that were at my table. I worked a party of 22, a party of 8, and three other tables in one evening. Phew! But I made over $200 in one night. Booyah!!
I think my blog and I go through rollercoaster times just like all my other relationships. Right now we're in a slump. Blog, I have nothing to say to you. This is probably a good thing because it means that things are going pretty okay right now. I think it also means that I'm being more social and actually having real people to talk to, not just my imaginary throngs that drool over every word that I type.
I wonder how many blog stalkers I have......?? You know who I'm talking about. The ones that haven't talked to me in forever but happened to see my link on facebook and read it just because they're bored and it's something to do online. Not that I've ever been that person... I mean... well okay let's just be honest, I have been that person and it's okay.
Randomly, I would like to make a note about college and the life after. When you're in college you're in complete denial about the real world and you pretty much hang on for dear life for as long as possible afterward hoping that the real world is just a myth. But now I can feel the college memories becoming just that, fabulous memories that are a wonderful era in my life. I'm happy with the friendships that I've kept so far and it's not that scary to start a new chapter in life. I'm not even that concerned that I don't have a new best friend to do everything with here because I'm sorta enjoying meeting new people from week to week.
I have to say that the irony abounds in that as my dear friend Megan is becoming more and more emotional (not in a bad way) when it comes to relationships, I'm becoming more detached (also not in a bad way). By detached I simply mean a whole lot less clingy. And those of you that know me really well know that I'm quite the clinger (or at least I used to be). I wasn't capable of liking a guy without getting attached and now I just don't feel that. It's strange, but very freeing. Hm I'm really not sure what else to say on this subject even though I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of this internal change. Whatever is happening, it's still unfolding and becoming a new part of who I am.
Okay well apparently once I start typing, I just can't stop. So much for my blog slump. Yay updates!
All I have left to say on this subject is that I really am sick of flings and want a real relationship. Is that too much to ask for??
Well, as I told Megan I had already decided to break it off w/ fling boy. But now that he hasn't called me, I don't have the satisfaction of being the one to make the decision. Now it makes me like him even less. Grrrrr
I have no time to do laundry, practice, or go grocery shopping. I am eating out every night because I have no groceries and no time and am gaining weight like crazy. And I'm exhausted and so have no energy to do said activities even if I have a few free hours.
I feel like screaming, but I think I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed instead.
So it's been over a week since I've posted and accordingly there are lots of things going on in my life. I'm seeing a boy, but it's nothing serious and I really have no idea where it's going. That's the end of that story....
Yesterday I just got back from 3 days in Santa Monica with my aunt, uncle and cousin and it was such a great break. I just hung out with them and ran around with them doing their daily errands, but it was fun for me. We spent a good hour at the Santa Monica outdoor market where my aunt gets all her groceries and you stop at one stall for your fish and one for your peaches, and one for your herbs, etc. It was like being in Europe again!
We also took a trip to the Disney concert hall that was just built a couple years ago for the LA Philharmonic and it's AMAZING. The outside is curved metal that looks like billowing sails and yet it surprisingly fits into the feel of downtown L.A. I take back anything bad that I said about Los Angeles - I really really like it and would love to be a part of the Philharmonic one day - if only just to be able to play in that concert hall. Oh man there are just so many nooks and crannies in that beautiful building including an outdoor, roof-top garden that are just breathtaking.
I haven't practiced in days and my right ring finger hurts a lot - I hope that it can get worked out soon. Speaking of work, I got off the train yesterday and went to work, for 6 hours and have to go in this afternoon for a wedding and then have to go in on Sunday for 8 hours for a catering event that's off site. At least I'm making good money!!
Interesting how the longer it has been since you've posted the more you want to say, but the less it actually comes out. Oh well, this is a good enough update for now...
This is the first time that I've been able to sit down and relax in the past couple days and it feels wonderful. Being new at a job is stressful no matter what it is, but then when you throw in the fact that I'm supposed to be training and yet I'm taking sections all by myself in very busy moments, it becomes even more stressful.
On top of all of this, for some reason I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I went to bed at 11:30 and didn't fall asleep until 5. Sucko. I guess I just had a lot on my mind.
However, there are some very good things that have happened over the past few days:
- I got to meet one of the most famous flutists of our times, Jeanne Baxtresser, and she was genuinely interested in knowing who I was.
- I went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and spent an hour and a half exploring their exhibit on new Chinese photographs and video art. It was sooooo cool!!
- I discovered that SB has a coffee shop called the Daily Grind that is amazing and much larger than its counterpart in Chapel Hill. And a cute guy works there. And the coffee is cheap....
- I was supposed to have a surfing lesson today, but it has been postponed b/c there is pollution in the water. (The lesson, not the pollution is the good part of that sentence)
I'm exhausted and this weekend in this huge Spanish festival called Fiesta (creative, I know) that will sap the remaining energy from me, so I go to take a nap.