Address change

To all of you who I have given my address to, I memorized the zipcode wrong. Here is the official address that I will have in California for the months of July and August:

The Fabulous and Talented Amy Sedan
922 Camino del Sur
Goleta, CA
93117

*be sure to put "and Talented" in as I'm sure I will need an ego boost :) *

Mood swings

I'm now in the scared, slightly anxious, and nostalgic part of my departure. I've started to say goodbye to a lot of people including my favorite Megan Deluca (because who else reads this faithfully??). I think I've comprehended the fact that I'm not going to see these people potentially for a long time. While that makes me sad, at the same time I look at all the people that I've grown closer to because of large distances and that makes me feel a lot better.

In fact, I think that I had some really great conversations and growth in friendships when I was gone for a semester and that is a good indication of what will happen when we all start going our seperate ways. A good way to keep in touch, as Megan noted, would be to start our own blog. I'm not sure how good I would be at keeping two up, so I would probably just stick to the group one, but at least I would still update you. So go for it, Megan, you know you want to set it up.

So to go with the title, I should note that while it's finally dawning on me that I'm actually leaving for a very long time, I'm putting off everything that I need to do until the very last minute. This is actually not very usual for me seeing as I love to plan and I love to be as prepared as possible. I think it's a very high form of denial plus the fact that I have so many hugely important things that are constantly going through my head that I just push to the back until I want to deal with it.

Let's add to all this that I'm blogging at 10:00 at night when I haven't packed, my room still looks half-lived in, and I just spent the past 8 hours just hanging out with Megan and Jonathan. I'm procrastinating in facing the future that will inevitably come in 2 1/2 days whether I want it to or not. Am I saving myself sanity or not? I like to think so...

Well, off to pretend to do something productive and then get ready for bed and play Spider Solitaire. Haha, I know myself so well.

It hasn't hit me yet

that I'm moving to California for good in 4 days. I have partially packed up my room, but there's still a lot out and I keep going out to dinner and hanging out with Jon a lot, but nothing seems really final.

I mean, I will probably be back in August, but it will feel really weird because by then I will have a routine in Santa Barbara. I haven't really said goodbye to Charlotte - I guess because that's sort of impossible and a little too sentimental. I have all my memories of growing up here and those won't change whether I'm living here or not. Still, it's something that will probably hit me the second I'm on the plane - I have late reactions that way.

There's still so much more to do and I'm supposedly working 11 hours every day although I think that we're way ahead of schedule so I will hopefully be off earlier than that every day.

I have to go to work now, boo.

I'm an adult

Today I did a lot of things that made me realize that I really have grown up.

I opened a new checking and savings account at a different bank because my current one is not in California! I am officially 21 which means that I don't need to have a parent co-sign with me, but I had my mom come with me because she's the accountant in the family and knows when I'm getting screwed over or when I'm getting a good deal. It was nice to have her there just to okay what I was doing.

I also bought a very expensive jewelry box as a graduation gift to myself from some of the money I got. It's beautiful and will last me a very, very long time. It's wood and is 8 or 10 inches high and a little wider and is made out of really nice wood that is varnished and polished. There are all sorts of fun compartments for earrings and bracelets. All this to say, I made a very grown up purchase because it is truly a piece of furniture that will go wherever I go.

I packed up my room - meaning I've been throwing out all my college notebooks and only keeping a few select papers and throwing out all the junk I've collected over the years. It's actually really refreshing to be keeping only the necessary items or ones that I really like and starting over in a new place. I don't feel like I'm toting a whole lot of crap into a new segment of my life.

I told my mom that I drink - this is a BIG deal. To my family, this is like me deciding to move in with my boyfriend. Except even that doesn't shock people nowadays. Hmm - I'll come up with an equivalent. Well it didn't go over well, but I'm 21 so there's nothing she or my dad can say to stop me and it just made me feel like I really am a grown person that can make my own decisions and stick by them. I have absolutely no regrets and still don't feel bad about myself. I've made choices and they have become a part of who I am. So my mom and I have been pretending like I never said it and I suppose that's fine for me for now.

Well, that's about it I guess. Tomorrow starts my marathon of work in which I will spend the next 10 days moving Williams-Sonoma to the new store at the other side of the shopping mall (about 50 feet no joke). So I'm working 10 hour days and I have to get up really early. Hence why I am signing off now.

The end of my relaxing summer

Well, I tried to enjoy the days that I had nothing to do, but they drove me crazy. I guess maybe I just like to complain, because now I'm so busy that I'm getting really stressed out.

I think the real problem is that things don't really hit me until they're almost upon me so then I get stressed out in short spans of time. This time I'm looking at two weeks of hell followed by a 6 hour plane ride and then 3 more weeks of insanity.

I am working right now from 8 to 10 hours every day until the day I leave except for next Monday and Tuesday. Not only is this long hours, but it is hard labor and not a lot of rest time. Let's add to the mix the fact that I have no time to practice, no time to work out, and no time to pack for leaving my house and moving to Santa Barbara as well as getting rid of all the stuff in my room that we can't move to San Fransisco.

I'm also getting really sick of explaining to everyone and their mother about why I'm going to Santa Barbara, why my family is moving to San Fransisco, exactly how many days left I have in Charlotte, and what I plan to do with my life. I feel like a broken record and wish that I had a tape player that could answer the same questions over and over.

I will say that I'm putting the fact that I'm 21 to good use. 8- and 10- hour workdays call for a nice glass of wine at the end of them and today I bought 2 wine glasses and a bottle of merlot all for myself for the rest of this week. Hurrah!

Oh and Megan, I read the book "The Mermaid Chair" by the same author as "The Secret Life of Bees". I highly recommend it if you haven't read it yet.

That's all - I'm off to go relax some more because I totally deserve it today.

West Coast family

Well apparently my previous blog didn't post, so we'll try it again.

Okay so for the big news: my family is moving to California! nononono, Amy, you say. YOU'RE the one moving to California. And I would say, you're wrong again because my parents are moving there too (copycats). My mom got this great job that is perfect for her in San Fransisco and so they're moving out asap.

So the pressure is off of me to marry a "surfer dude" as my dad calls him because that was the only reason he thought he would get a chance to move out west.

I'm really excited for my parents and I think it came at the best time possible with me all graduated and looking for adventure and not really being tied down anywhere. Most of my close friends are gonna be strewn about the US next year anyway, so it's not like I'm missing out and we're growing up and moving places. Of course, I am on the opposite side of the continent which makes travelling to see people difficult, but oh well. Now our whole family will be in California including my relatives in Santa Monica - we're just lined up along the coast like little ducklings. Or something.

Aunt and uncle in Santa Monica, me in Santa Barbara, and my parents in San Fransisco. It's one big party.

There are some down sides: I'm only going to be a resident of North Carolina for three more weeks. I have to clean up my room like I've never done before and start getting rid of the memories, trinkets, and junk that have accumulated in my room since 4th grade. I will be working my butt off at Williams-Sonoma (80 hours the last week I'm here! No, that's not a typo) and won't have much time to pack. Our house will be a wreck b/c my parents have a list a mile long of stuff to do to make it ready to sell. Well, the list keeps going. But it's still exciting....

So, yeah my life is no longer boring - haha.

Serves me right

I shouldn't have said anything about life being boring because it came to bite me in the butt.

I'm not at liberty to say, but there are some BIG changes happening in my life right now. I'll of course reveal all in due time.

Santa Barbara, here I come!

Well I have an apartment now. After all the craziness of last week, my parents told me to just go ahead with what I had planned - thanks for making the process so easy! Not. So my place is with 4 other girls and I have to share a room, but she apparently has a bf and isn't there very often. And it's just for two months, but I have a place to go when I drive into the city! Yay! (Oh and it's 3 blocks from the ocean..... bwahahahahaha)

These past few days have been really not fun what with the stress of work and then coming home and being stressed out with everything else, but today is my Saturday and I'm hoping that things will get back to somewhat normal. I've been eating all the junk food I can get my hands on just because that's what my mind needs to stay sane when I'm working long hours. Unfortunately, my body really doesn't like that.

I think probably the best part about this past week was when I got to go out with Jonathan on Tuesday night after the most stressful day at work that we'll have all summer (we had a regional visit where everything had to be PERFECT) and we went to an Irish Pub during Trivia Night and then to Brixx for tiramisu and wine. I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow because it was the first time I had relaxed in a long time.

Wow, my life is boring right now. But I'm okay with boring for now - it just doesn't make for very fun posts.

Decisions

I have joined the ranks of people that are going slightly insane right now for no real apparent reason. I have rapid mood swings, but when I'm not having a very strong emotion, I feel completely wiped of any emotion whatsoever.
I gave up on the whole temp agency thing and resigned myself to working at Williams-Sonoma for the sixth year in a row. Enter my apathetic feelings in which I go into work, go into automatic to do my job, and leave. Fortunately I love the people I work with which makes life a lot easier. I just had so many fights with my parents about the fact that I wasn't earning any money that I just finally broke down. Now I'm super busy and it's a good thing because I really was going to go crazy with nothing to do.
On the other hand, housing for later this summer is drama. I thought I found a place and was really excited that I had gone off and done something on my own that my parents actually approved of and gave me the go-ahead and then my mom calls me telling me that we might have leads to some other people/rooms to rent and that I should put my apartment on hold. Grrrrr... I wanted to have something finalized!

I think I need a new environment, I need to be on my own, and I need a new job that challenges me. Fortunately, all this is less than a month away from me.

Just when I thought I was mature

I then decide to go out with a 30-year-old. Gosh that sounds so much worse than 29.

Well, I had fun dancing and boy it makes a difference to be with someone that really knows how. The only catch is that you end up feeling incompetent next to this person that is making you dance in circles. I thought I improved by the end of the night though...

The funny part is that going into this, I thought I would totally have the upper hand and be the one to decide if there was going to be another date, but by the end of the night it was him that was being unresponsive. I definitely felt the 9 years difference between us because we just didn't have anything to talk about. We're just in COMPLETELY different parts of our lives. He thinks its fun to just take a weekend trip to the Bahamas and I'm wondering how I'm going to pay to fly to Cincinnati in a few months. Also, he was the one that decided we should go (I think I wore him out working hard for both of us :) ) and he said nothing about anything in the future.

Sad. Just when I thought I was the one in control, he goes and takes even that from me. Well, all I can say is that I looked hot, so that's gotta count for something.

Oh man, if there are more pepole that read this besides the ones I know, I share waaaaay more about my life than I probably should in a blog.

Getting a job...

is not easy. I thought it would be. But I guess since I'm only here for a month and have fairly specific requirements for the type of job, it's not surprising that I don't have anything yet. It's just really frustrating because I love being busy and I have this incredible future that is so close I can taste it, but just not quite there and I have to sit on my butt for a month instead. It's also frustrating because I think how much money I could be making if I was only working at this moment and how much I'm going to need it as soon as I get to Santa Barbara...
Well the encouraging thing is that Christa's mom told me that she used to live there and she said that getting a bike is the best thing to do. (I have no money to buy a car yet) And that you can put your bike right on the bus, which is even better! I will be in such good shape once I get out there.
So all I can do is think about California (can you tell? I sorta have a one-track mind) and sit in my house doing piddly things like emptying the dishwasher and re-vamping my shoes to turn them into fairly comfortable dancing shoes.
Ooh which leads me to ... I have a date! Well, I'm not banking much on it because it's the same guy that I went out with over Christmas, the French guy named Marc. He's not exactly reliable, but after Christa, Jon, and Danny and I went dancing last weekend I called him up b/c he's a fabulous dancer and teaches at the place we went to and all that jazz. So we're supposed to go dancing on Thursday but who really knows if that will happen or not. But still an exciting prospect to go dancing w/ someone that really knows how but that will be patient with my lack of skills.
I think this week also sucks because Christa just left for Prague and Jon's not back yet from his travels so I have no one to hang out with. Which is totally not true at all - in fact I have a list of people that I need to call this week, but it just seems that way because they're not people I hang out with all the time. Hmm okay out of my interview clothes and on to the many household chores that await me. Joy.

The little things in life

It is really easy to make me happy. My birthday was one of the best I've had and it was perfect for all the little reasons:
- Christa made buttons to wear when we went out and mine said "Birthday Girl"
- scavenger photo hunt - need I say more.
- Matt sent me an article on twins
- Preston and Angie came!
- I was dubbed the Goddess of .... something. Dang, I should remember this better.
- The bars we went to (with the exception of Coyote Ugly) were classy, quiet, and unique. We even had a mini-trip back to Europe!
- I barely got tipsy, which is an indication that night was truly fun just because I was with my favorite people.
- We ate at Waffle House
- We had quite the collection of awful pick-up lines including, "Where would you shop around here?"
- Jonathan put two postage stamps on the card he sent me just to make sure that nothing would get in the way of it getting to me.
- The bartender paid for my drink.
- I wore my green shirt

That's about it. It was just the right mixture of low-key and all-about-me. Haha. I mean, I gotta be honest, right?

Christa's leaving in less than a week :( But she will have the time of her life, so it's okay!

Supplementary pictures (Christa's gonna kill me)

These are a good document of the trip.

Christa is excited about driving in the mountains, but is being a good girl and keeping her eyes on the road.

It's 5:15 am. I'm feeling and looking a little rough.

Once I got home, I crashed for the rest of the day. But look at my fun t-shirt!!

Asheville! F$#%!

Well, the trip to Asheville and Biltmore for the 15K was a complete success, if an "adventure", as Christa's family apparently likes to call all the things that go wrong during their vacation.

Christa and I actually had a really fun time and although we may have gotten frustrated, since nothing was really a big deal, we just laughed it all off. I introduced Christa to Jon and Patrick's game of the British 10pm-12am Cursing and Punctuation. It's really just a way to let off steam. We got to Biltmore and our hotel fine on Saturday and were right on time at 4:00 to check in. Then the fun started...

After going about 25 miles in the wrong direction to get to downtown Asheville, we turned around and went in the right direction and continued on our way. By this time, I was semi-hungry. We parked in downtown at 5 and decided to find a place to eat (keep in mind we have a big race the next day and need carbs). Well, the only decent place we can find is Mellow Mushroom, which for my lovely companion that cannot eat wheat, was completely out of the question. At this point, I am very hungry. So we drive out of downtown - which by the way is very hard to navigate - and get to Asheville Mall (after another 20 minutes). Christa really wants Outback Steakhouse, but we have no idea where one could be, but Ellen confirms that there is a Carrabba's nearby. I have the bright idea to call 411 to get the number of Carrabba's so we can get in right away when we get there. I call, they say.... there's a one-hour wait. Right, it's Saturday night at 6:00. S*%$. As the British would say.

Oh, there's more. We have to make several u-turns to get to the stupid restaurant that is completely invisible from the road and then finally decide to order out and wait for the food for 20 minutes and then chow down in our hotel room. By this time, I'm ravenous. I decide that it's a good idea to order an appetizer, a salad, and a huge pasta dish because I could eat a cow about now. It also seems a good idea that while waiting we should get dessert to bring back to the room. And Glory be! there's a Dairy Queen right up the road. Hah... we totally ate the entire Blizzard before we even got back to the restaurant - talk about spoiling your appetite. As we're driving past the Dairy Queen, we see a sign for Outback.

oh the IRONY!!!

Despite the fact that by the time we got back to the room, we had been driving for 3 hours, I had completely ruined my appetite, and I was facing a huge meal, it was amazingly delicious. It was one of those times when food just tastes so good simply because you had to work for it.

Needless to say, Megan, we missed you a lot.

So we got up on Sunday morning at 5:00 AM. That's right. The race started at 7:20 and we were encourage to get there early, so we were there about 1 hour and 50 minutes before the race actually started. But we got to see a sunrise over the Biltmore grounds and it was gorgeous. It is impossible to describe what it's like to run a race like that unless you've actually done it. By mile 7, I was ready to stop running. By mile 8, the only reason that I was still running was that I was on automatic pilot and my legs didn't know how to do anything else. The scenery was spectacular, we got to run right in front of the house and up two HUGE hills, and all around the grounds and gardens. It was the best run of my life. I achieved my goal of running about an 11 minute mile and ended up running for 1 hour and 40 minutes (and some seconds).

The rest of today I have spent doing absolutely nothing. My entire body has shut down and gone on strike after what I did to it this morning. At the end of the race I:
- drank 2 bottles of water
- ate 1 orange, 1 banana, and a whole bagel
- couldn't move once I sat down to stretch

That's a whole heck of a lot of food in about 20 minutes.

I am so glad that I pushed through the training, that I set this goal for myself, and that I not only ran the entire race, but I stuck to a pretty good time. Of course it could get better, but for someone that has never run that far in their life, it's pretty darn good. Christa and I saw some runners that were in such good shape and the ages ranged from younger than us to in their 60's. I was definitely passed by 2 guys in their 50's that were just chatting up a storm as I huffed and puffed up a hill. I totally want to be that fit when I'm older.

So the guy that I meet must now meet the additional requirement that he will want to run races with me and keep in shape for the rest of our lives. Because it is SO much easier to keep up with a regiment when you are doing it with someone else and have someone to run with.

Hmm, longest entry ever? You bet! Amazing life experience that will never leave me? Definitely.

Just when you thought testing was over

I was extremely stressed out today because I had to take a test.

Wait what??? Didn't I graduate?
Yes. But I had to take a proficiency test in Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and a typing test. Gah. It was timed, I had to know really finicky, minute details about every program and it was extremely rough on my nerves.

I think mostly this is all because I hate to do badly on a test, no matter what it is on, whether it is in Cosmo or is my final Philosophy of Feminism essay. I just hate not feeling like I'm 100% ready to ace whatever test comes my way. I think this is something I need to work on since normally if I feel even halfway good about a test I just took, I've done really well, so basically I stress myself out for nothing.

So watch me go into the temp agency next week and have them tell me that I'm an AWESOME typer (typist?) and they want me to go to court right away to be a court reporter or something. I mean, not really. I was pretty proud of how fast I typed... it's all those countless hours on AIM... ahhhh the computer generation and the skills we have gained from chatting and playing video games. What will our children know how to do that we will feel completely lost about??

My birthday is in 3 days. And everyone that reads this is coming. That makes me feel GREAT :)

Let's compare

I just found some old graduation pictures from high school.

Now, do I look older or younger 4 years later?

Hm, I thought I was going to make a point that I looked about the same, but now that I've posted them both I think I do look older. What do you know.

Really, this was just an excuse for me to play with adding photos to a blog and procrastinate from doing nothing. Hah.

The big world out there

So I told myself that I wouldn't think about the next few months and year beyond that until I graduated.

And now I've graduated... and I still don't want to be responsible...

Basically, I just want to move out to California and have someone already have figured out where I'm going to live and what job I'm going to have. I mean, isn't everything always handed to you on a platter? NO??? hmm...

Perhaps I repeat myself, but just to set the record straight, I am thrilled to be a graduate. Our graduation day couldn't have been more perfect and the music department ceremony filled in the holes of the big commencement (a good speech, getting my name called, seeing all my friends). But when I said goodbye to everyone, it seemed right, like it was just time.

Today I spent a good 2 hours looking on Craig's List for a room or apartment to rent in Santa Barbara and the prices are everything from reasonable ($400) to normal California prices ($800-$1100/month). I also called a temp agency and felt about 10 years old when I asked what I should do to get a job for the month of June. So I'm jumping right into my responsibilities as an almost-adult (ONE WEEK TIL I'M 21!!!!!), but I'm not thrilled about it. I wish the perfect job could just be handed to me, but something tells me it's not gonna work that way. *sigh*

On another note, I'm really proud of my dad. His hard work on his art has finally paid off and a museum is going to show some of his pieces. If you like or appreciate modern art, you should visit his website: www.paulsedan.com

Ye Old Memories

I have thoroughly enjoyed spending as much time as possible with my family these past two days. It's strange - normally I can't wait to get away to have fun times with my friends, but it just hasn't seemed that important recently.

My uncle, aunt, cousin, and I had breakfast at the Ye Old Waffle Shop this morning (way better than Waffle House cheeseburgers that we had had the night before) and I recognized a guy working there. Apparently when my uncle went to go pay this guy, Dave, asked if he was in town for graduation. My uncle replied that yes, he was. So Dave continues to explain that he and I went out on a group date about three years ago.

#1. That's a LIE. We had a very awkward Valentine's Day date ALONE in which he was sure he was going to get into my pants, but I'm sure that's not something you want to tell someone that is obviously a relative.
#2. Why the heck would he even bring that up? I could see him telling a fellow waiter/waitress, but my uncle??

Anyway, it was quite random and oddly enough, even though he felt quite comfortable telling my uncle that he remembered me, he decided to pretend like he didn't even notice me when I looked his way. hahahaha - oh freshman year.

Apology

I also just wanted to say that I'm slightly ashamed that I quoted an Avril Lavigne song. The lyrics have most of the sentiment, but there is also a lot of girlfriend/love interest context that isn't in the real situation. However, the heavy beat, tempo, and rage-filled voice are spot on. Too bad I can't recreate that in a blog.

Just for you, Megan

I just thought you should know that I told Christa that she needed to post more and now she has! Yay blogs! Go here for an update on Prague (soon): www.christaelaineoakes.blogspot.com

I think it's true that this is a good way to keep in touch when there isn't really time to sit down and write a mass email. I can't truthfully say that I'll keep them up, but today happens to be a day when I don't really have anything big to say.

Graduation is upon me and I'm really really ready. I think it's because I know that I have a place to be next year and it's new and exciting. I'm looking forward to the challenges (especially monetary ones) and the new people that I'm going to meet. Jon reminded me that I need to learn to surf from a hot, intellectual boy (I added the specifications of who to learn from). I'm just really excited about living in California and can't seem to stop thinking about it.

In other news, I'm a coward. I had the opportunity to tell someone that they hurt me deeply and that I thought we shouldn't hang out any more. But I lost courage and instead pretended like everything's fine. My view is that now I'm okay with the fact that we will grow apart and so I can keep the friendship that we have on a very surface level. Basically, I just don't like to hurt people so even when some relationship isn't working in my favor any more I still can't let go because there's too much history, too many pleasant memories, too much good to let the bad overcome it.

I guess that leads me to another conclusion - that even though I have regrets about my college experience, the good far outweighs any of the bad and I'm sure that the bad has helped me to grow as well.

Somewhere in that post I stopped talking to Megan and starting talking to the world that doesn't read my blog ;) Oh well, I'll keep on pretending like many people are interested in the day-to-day life of Amy when it's really my lovely blog stalker that is diligent enough to notice when I post 2 months after the previous one.