A little afternoon fun

Which celebrity do I look like the most? I'm reminded of a certain TV show that actually had Emmy Rossum in it, although I think we ended up saying that she would play Elisabeth.

getting the routine back

I loved having my parents here and all, but with having to entertain them for a week straight as well as my period coming, I was an emotional wreck for the past two days. I cried about running out of gas, for crying out loud. Sheesh. BUT. I dropped them off at the LAX airport and had an uneventful drive back up the coast and am now sitting in a newly cleaned room with a car full of gas, groceries, and all of my toiletries completely replenished.

The best part of today was going to Wal-Mart. Sam Walton must love me right now because he has achieved his goal of making every American dependent on his store for daily needs. I had a list a mile long of stuff that I wanted to get at Wal-Mart when I made the trek down to LA. See, Santa Barbara is so snobby that they've decided that they don't want a Target or a Wal-Mart within 30 miles of the city. I'm not kidding... I have to drive that far for civilization. *le sigh* So being in the store for half an hour today was like a big sigh of relief. And I have an endless supply of toilet paper. Hallelujah.

My mom bought me some new shoes for work called Hushpuppies and they're supposed to be really comfortable. How come the really comfortable ones always take forever to break in and the crappy ones are comfortable until 2 months into wearing them? So I'm in the midst of breaking mine in and my feet are not happy with me for standing in the shoes for 7 hours straight.

Among my daily errands was getting a library card and I'm super psyched about this book club. Perhaps I will read some before I go to bed even though exhausted is not a strong enough word for how I feel right now.

The 'rents

So I've disappeared from the blog world for a while because my parents have been in town. I have to say though, this is a nice step in the whole visiting thing - I have my own place where they are the guests and I get to show them around. It's been really great to do stuff and then have my own room to go chill in. So it's actually been extremely pleasant the entire time.

These holidays are some of the times that I most enjoy being an only child. My parents miss me and thus feel obligated to 'treat' me every time that they see me because I have now flown the nest. So yesterday my mom and I went clothes shopping and today she feels compelled to buy my groceries, gas, and new shoes for work. Of course, the new phase in life is also indicated by my extreme excitement and gratification that my parents are paying for one week's worth of everyday expenses.

We went for a beautiful hike today and saw the whole town of Montecito from the highest peak in the area. We could even see Oprah Winfrey. I'm kidding. But she does live in Montecito.

The only bad thing about vacations is that you get out of your daily routine and since my parents have basically been here for a week, I haven't been to the gym, I've barely practiced, and I've eaten like a pig. Oh well. I should just accept it for what it is. Calories don't count when you're on vacation, right??

Good thing...

I made my resolution to be practicing every day (which I have kept faithfully) because my teacher from Carolina that wrote some recommendations sent this email to me today:
"I hope you are practicing, because after they read what I wrote, they will annoint you queen of something."

Haha. This is from my chamber music coach, not even my old flute teacher, so I would never have expected such high praise from him.

I hope they DO annoint me queen of something... queen of acceptance, queen of scholarship, queen of flute playing at a conservatory. Wouldn't it be nice if I didn't even have to audition? They're like, well if Don Oehler says you're good, then we'll just take his word for it. Ah, sweet impossible dreams.

I went to the quiz website that is so apparently popular these days and attempted to answer "Which Disney princess are you most like?" It might as well have been, "Tell us which princess you are like and then we'll post it like you took a quiz" because the questions were something along the lines of Agree or Disagree: You like to live with short people, You feel like you're constantly doing chores for the house you live in, you feel a strange connection with forces of nature, you like to talk to fish. I mean, c'mon, make it somewhat less obvious!!

Today is sort of dreary outside. There's been a blanket of fog over the mountains since this morning and it has never really lifted. Hopefully the weather will become beautiful again when my parents come up in a few days.

I'm driving to LA tomorrow! I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to do it, but I'm excited to see my family and leave town for a short while. Happy Thanksgiving!

Awww

My daddy just dedicated a piece of his art to me. I'm still not really sure of the significance, but it's still cute :)

www.paulsedan.com - the very last piece if you want to go look at it.

In other news, I'm so freakin' stuffed from the past few days. I had 2 Thanksgiving dinners to go to and then I went to one of my friend's houses today and she's at culinary school so she just "whipped up" an amazing linner (yes, I meant linner) of roasted chicken breast, broccoli salad, and lemon meringue pie. Good thing I went for a run today or else I would have gained 10 pounds instead of only 5 from the past 3 days' eating celebrations. I'm kidding... sort of.

Many thoughts on little sleep

It's amazing how much thinking you do when you get up early and haven't had a lot of sleep. I've just been lying in my bed for the past 3 hours contemplating all aspects of my life right now. Uh oh, Amy's been thinking again.

But seriously.

I was just reading the Christian Science Monitor, a daily newspaper that I get that I've gotten very behind on. It's my favorite newspaper b/c it reports all the world events (world, not just national) in an unbiased and easy to understand way. Plus it has lots of pictures. And it has articles on really cool stuff that you would never find on CNN that actually reports some good stuff going on in the world, like how tribes in Africa are learning to forgive each other after decades of massacre. (What? The world's not completely falling apart and there's more to life than the Foley scandal??)

So reading this awesome newspaper plus having reflections on my life so far led me to feeling pretty inadequate about what I'm doing in the world. One guy in France has dedicated his life to uncovering unmarked Jewish grave sites created by the Nazis in the Ukraine and talking to the people that witnessed what is called the "Holocaust of Bullets." Keep in mind that not only is this man making his life's work uncovering the past and unearthing - literally - things that have been left too long under cover, but he was working with Mother Theresa by age 21! I'm 21. Hmm....

Okay, another issue I've been pondering a lot recently has been the issue of global warming. Talk about something that needs to be addressed and soon. Those that are working to inform the world and actually actively working on fixing the problem are few and far between, but they are doing something for the community and for the future. I play music. Okay, it's what I love to do and it's something that I have a talent for. But is bringing beauty into the world through my music-making enough? I know that most people switch careers multiple times in their lifetime, but I feel like I have so many options that I want to pursue and that I'm almost copping out because I'm just following what I've been doing for the past 12 years.

I guess my point is, those of you that are still searching for what you want to be doing in life, count yourselves blessed. Because the possibilities are endless.

Resolutions

I made 4 resolutions today in an effort to turn over a new leaf and get serious about grad school applications and grad school in general.

They were (in no particular order):
1. Work out at least 5 days every week. Being in good shape makes me feel better about myself and is good for my music since I have better air support, etc.
2. No snacking at work.
3. Drink more water. I used to drink so much at school. Water is so good for your body and my poor body right now is so dehydrated every day. It's time for a change.
4. Practice every day. This is sorta key and I don't really need to explain how this is going to help with grad school.

So I already broke #2. But I figure 3/4 isn't too bad. I worked my butt off at the gym, practiced more of my butt off and made a lot of progress, and drank a lot of water. So go me! But it's day #1. The no snacking thing was just wishful thinking. When I have a bad night at work, I eat my troubles away since I don't exactly do the getting stoned thing and I can't drink at work.

Oh, and to make up for the completely sucky night at work I had one of the most amazing croissants that I've had since I left France. Someone from the restaurant brought them in so I have no idea where they came from, but they're as close to the real thing as you can get. Mmm pain au chocolat.... it reminds me of the classroom I had right above the bakery. It's no surprise I gained 15 pounds while living in France.

I have a current new favorite song. Since I drive almost every single day somewhere (the gym, work, a flute lesson), the radio has become my new best friend. It always knows which songs I want to hear and plays them over and over. It's great. So my new song is called "The Girl Next Door" by Saving Jane and I like it because it embodies my whole 'second best' mentality and throws in the fact that I'm a musician (although I was never in marching band). If you want to listen to it, you can go to www.myspace.com/mlleflutiste

So yeah, I have a myspace account now too. Mostly because the people that I'm meeting now aren't in school and only use MySpace. And because it's a new way to suck up time. Actually, I only have 7 friends on there and I plan on keeping it about that way. I have no interest in spending loads of time on both Facebook and now a new one. That's not why I'm out here.

I've had a problem with productivity lately. Today I think the only productive things I did were working out, going to studio class, having a rehearsal, and practicing for an hour. Oh and I read the newspaper and got caught up on the world. But I'm really not sure what I did with the other 7 hours of the day.

I ate for the first time at my restaurant last night. It was amazing, fabulous, mouth-watering, highly enjoyable, and satifsfying. I went with one of my friends who is basically on the same wave-length with me on just about every single topic. The only real difference between us is that she's drop-dead gorgeous. I'm not kidding; everything else is pretty much the same and it's really cool to find somebody like that. But I digress. So we ended up sitting in the restaurant for about 2 1/2 hours just eating, talking, slowly sipping our one glass of wine, and soaking in the atmosphere. That's how dinner should be eaten every night. And the food was, as we say in the South, "to die for." I can't wait to take my parents there...

In the past week, I got two invitations to pre-Thanksgiving feasts/potlucks and they're both happening this week. One I knew I could go to because it was Thursday evening, but the other is Friday and I thought, 'hell will freeze over if i'm not working Friday night.' Well, folks, everyone's going to heaven b/c hell froze over. So not only do I get out of working Friday night, but I get to stuff myself silly with amazing food and drink two nights in a row. This week is really looking up. Good thing I have cycling tomorrow - I'm going to need to make some room for all that deliciousness headed my way.

So those are the most important events of the past few days. I think I've been reading the newspaper too much because I do short little blurbs on random events that are in no way connected to each other. It's like getting a Christmas newsletter with the events of an entire year all fit onto one page. Somehow my dad always seems to make it work... maybe I should get some pointers from him.

Happy 100!

Blogger has informed me that this is my 100th post. So... I'm celebrating. Yay! Okay, celebrating over.

I had a sucky night at work because it was completely dead for a Friday night. But then after work, one of the new girls, Lili, and I came back to my place and just chilled out. I have recently felt the need to spill my entire story of the past two months to anyone that is sympathetic. Probably not the best idea when it refers to someone at work and I'm spilling to girls at work. I'm pretty sure they can keep their mouths shut though.

Today was hard because I knew that a lot of the same people that I went out with last night were hanging out, but instead I got to know Lili better (yay new friends!) and now am going to bed at a fairly decent hour - as opposed to 3 am, which has been a regular for the past two nights.

I'm beat emotionally and physically. It was really good to get my frustration out with someone that hasn't had to hear me say the same thing over and over for weeks on end but who totally affirmed the way that I was feeling. Affirmation is a wonderful thing.

I swear relationships aren't the only thing on my mind right now. But they do have an awful way of consuming a person and all of their mental energy even when it's not deserved at all. Dang it. I hate not being able to let go. Fortunately, I have about 4 of my girl friends out looking for prospective dates for me now. Something has to come to fruition from that...

Second best

Have you ever woken up in the morning and not been able to distinguish between reality and your dreams? That's how I feel this morning - a little lost, a lot disgusted, and really sad because my dreams were not fun.

I've yet again become the girl that just wasn't quite good enough. My semi-friend from work is now super interested in one of the new girls and we all hung out last night. They have so much in common and he has latched himself onto her. There goes Amy.

So many things should make this okay:
1. I'm supposed to be over him because he was a jerk to me.
2. The girl is fun, gorgeous, and great.
3. They have stuff in common! We really didn't.

All of this rationally makes sense to me, but I just can't shake that dejected feeling. I'm sure a lot of it is the whole 'getting worked up when another girl enters the picture.' I'm sure I would still really dislike him right now if there was no one else. Of course we all work together which makes it a little worse.

Don't worry, I'm just being dramatic. I'm sleep deprived and don't have much else to be thinking about, so it sort of consumes me. I'll work on changing that.

Oh and I ran my car into the security gate on my driveway last night because I was backing up and couldn't see where I was going. So now I get to have that fixed (the car, not the gate). Grrrrr...

Okay, deep breath, today is a new day.

Oh, the irony

I love that now, at 2:30 in the morning, is when I have the insights, vocabulary, and drive to write my personal statement. I've been trying for about 2 weeks now to get the right words, and tonight it's all flowing.

Let's add to this the fact that my computer now works in my room (which before it only got reception in the hallway near the front door) and that Blogger has decided that it will let me get on the website not once but twice. (Yes, I now think that my computer has a mind of its own and that if I upset it or move it too much it doesn't work for me. Anyone that says otherwise is wrong.)

So long, poor communication!

I've tried to sit down and write a blog several times in the past week and Blogger has just not liked me. So now, my computer is going super fast and it seems like fate to be getting caught up in the blog world.

Christa said something silly about Mercury and Venus and their alignment (I really don't remember) and how they make communication really bad over the next few weeks. Generally I don't subscribe to any of that floofy crap, but I have to say, that if I did I would be very impressed with the truth of it.

I went out Saturday night with some of my co-workers and ended up drinking a little too much. When I was dropped off, I must have dropped my ID in Cameron's car because I woke up the next morning wearing my gay co-workers t-shirt and without a driver's license. I drove to San Luis Obispo (an hour an a half away) nonetheless to spend the day with Ross, who is having an identity crisis and doesn't really know how to be around others (communication issue 1). When I got back on Monday, I went in to work to get my paycheck and was informed by one of the girls that I went out with that Cameron had my ID. Did he bother to call me? Would I have known about it had I not gone into work? (communication issue 2). Tuesday I got a call from work as I was leaving the gym telling me that they needed me to work b/c one of the new girls didn't show up. She apparently hadn't seen the schedule (communication issue 3). Well, I could go on, but you get the point.

This kind of stuff happens all the time though. And in a non-corporate restaurant with very un-strict rules, it's really easy to miss shifts or to not know what's going on all the time.

Graduate school stuff is constantly at the back of my mind and the biggest pain right now is writing a personal statement for each school. I don't like personal statements because 1) I'm not in school and everyone knows your vocabulary isn't quite as good when you're not being intellectually stimulated all the time and 2) When confronted with a question of who I am and why I do what I do (profiles on Facebook as another example) I can never come up with something cool even though I actually do have a pretty good hold on who I am - finally.

Besides that, the weeks are quickly flying by. My parents are coming out here for Thanksgiving and I'm actually really excited. They're the first visitors that I'll have and that I'll get to share my Californian world with. Augh! From here on out, I will have a million things on my mind with grad school and travelling and music and work, etc.