I know, I know, I haven't written in forever. Whenever I think about writing, I just can't bring the energy that is needed for a lot of catching up. Plus, I'm pretty sure about 3 people read this and if you really wanted to know, you would call, which you do.
Today is my final day of work before I go home. And what a final day it is... 2-11. I'm going to be bone tired by the end of it, but I'm hoping that we're going to be so slammed that I'm not going to notice the time flying by.
It's really strange that I haven't opened my planner in about 4 days now. I used to have to rely on it so much and now I don't even bring it to school with me. I told my mom today that I don't have a medium speed in life right now. It's either go-go-go or completely dead with nothing to do and loads of time to kill.
I had started up two books a couple of weeks ago right before the insanity began that is the end of the semester and I just couldn't get through either of them. Love in the Time of Cholera is well-written, but a little long and a little slow for pure entertainment while riding the MUNI. Running with Scissors is entertaining, but more than a little grotesque in almost every chapter. I'm glad you're gay, I don't need to know the details.
So I picked up a new book this week, P.S. I love you which I saw a trailer for in the movies a while ago and thought it looked cute. It's perfect beach/vacation reading and takes about 1 oz. of intellectualism versus the 70 I had to devote to the Garcia Marquez book. I'm also hoping to grab The Golden Compass from a friend before I leave, because I've had so many people rave about it and the series it is included in.
I also recently saw the new Will Smith movie, I Am _______ something that I can't remember right now. I had absolutely no expectations walking in, but praying that it would at least make me feel okay about the fact that I had spent $9.50 to be entertained for two hours. And it was actually half-decent. It was a typical end of the world/zombie/suspense movie, but had a lot of elements that aren't usually included in those genres. Like in the middle of this really tense scene, Will Smith throws in some comic relief where least expected. The acting was great, the directing was interesting, the plot was okay, if a little random and unexplained at times.
A couple nights later my roommate and I rented Finding Nemo and The Incredibles, made hot chocolate, and ate cake and had the best girl night that I've had in a while.
Despite the relaxing, I do have quite a large shift ahead of me and I'm going to be grateful to go home for a while. It's weird being at school when no one else is here.
I can tell it's the end of the semester. My brain is fried, I'm procrastinating like none else, and I'm running around like the world is going to end tomorrow.
After the insane week that I had last week, this weekend was semi-relaxing and I actually have had a whole evening to myself tonight. This has been good and bad. It's good because I really don't get this kind of time and my body needs it badly. It's bad because it takes me an hour and a half to finish one homework assignment that should have taken me 20 minutes. Oh well. At least it's mostly done now (nope, couldn't even bring myself to completely finish it, that's how much I've been procrastinating).
I had my second gig of the semester today with a great guy who happens to be a great cellist. We played duos in an apartment that overlooked the whole bay and Bay Bridge and the day was perfect: clear views across the bay without a cloud in the sky. As we were leaving, we were both handed a tip and told that everything had been perfect. I'm not sure it could have gone any better. I got paid to do what I love and I enjoyed every minute of it (especially the free food and booze!! hehe)
The main reason why this weekend has been good is I've gotten to listen to a lot of old music that has calmed me down, one of which is the good ol' James Taylor CD. Oh, Nertz days when we had nothing better to do than play hours and hours of card games. I miss the lack of responsibility that I had in college, while at the same time I feel like so much more of a complete person now that I've had all these post-grad experiences.
I'm in a very contemplative mood. I had a very serious discussion with this cellist that brought back memories of Ross in a roundabout way...
I was the recipient of a random act of kindness today. I'm still a little flustered, because it's never happened before and I'm astounded that people like this man exist.
I have been really tired this whole week and had to get up at 7 for a 9 am class this morning, only to find out later in the morning that I had forgotten my wallet and my lunch at home. This meant that I had to do the half hour commute home which would have been ironic and cruel seeing as I only got up to go to class. I was relating my tale to a friend standing nearby in the subway station, when a man came up to me, saying,'This is my random act of kindness. Here's $5, go get yourself some lunch,' and then got on his train.
I can see how this 'pay it forward' thing could get addictive or a part of your daily life. I felt grateful beyond words and it was just a tiny little thing, but it broke my bad mood instantly and made me want to go out and do that for someone else just so they could feel the same way.
Plus, my lunch was delicious.
I haven't blogged in forever because school is insane right now and I really don't have much free time. I took time out of my day today to write about this because it really meant a lot to me.
The past few days have been good, relaxing, and relatively stress-free, so I'm in a good mood.
Therefore, I propose a list of things that I'm thankful for since recently I've been moaning and groaning about the fact that I have no money, talent, time, etc.
I'm thankful for:
- still having my car around. It has been really nice still driving to the grocery store and being able to be a good samaritan in general when people need a ride.
- having a beautiful place to call home. Despite all the drama, I really do have a great room that is worth every penny I pay for it.
- new friends to lean on and laugh with and old friends that are there to listen, anytime.
- having my mom in the city off and on. It's so nice to have someone that loves you unconditionally nearby.
- our neighbor that sporadically brings us cases of wine, for free.
- two perfect jobs that are relatively fun and stress-free (compared to waitressing) and that are extremely flexible. I need to remember to not take that for granted.
- having other relatives nearby to visit for holidays. There's something about being with family on important days that just gives you the same feeling as a really hot bath. Comfortable, relaxing, pampering, sometimes a little too heated, and if you stay too long you get wrinkly.
- being at my dream school. In the day-to-day activities, that's the easiest one to forget, but I'm constantly reminded how short my time is in this program, which makes me more appreciative.
- supportive parents that haven't ever given up on me and that back me up and buy me flannel sheets when my room is frigid like the North Pole.
- having the independence to start all over in a new city, new state, and new school without a second thought.
- the love for music that is as natural to me as breathing. When I think I lack in talent, I'm just comparing myself to others, which is never a good idea.
My roommate made carrot cake with cream cheese icing and I got to lick one of the beaters. Mmmmm
My roommate, Erica, on the Golden Gate Bridge. She's my heterosexual life mate, which is just a fancy way of saying that we completely understand each other. I'm grateful for her too.
I biked around 15 miles today. I was pretty darn proud of myself.
One of my friends from work is an avid biker and my roommate happens to have a pretty sweet road bike, so I borrowed the bike and got my butt kicked on a long ride today. Surprisingly, the only part of me that feels it at all is my butt. I'm not really even that tired.
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I've been having a hard time picking out pieces that I want to play on my recital this spring. I always end up choosing really difficult pieces because they're so interesting to listen to and I would much rather please my audience than my fingers. I think I have a good lineup, but I really need to start practicing for it now. My recital is April 20th. That's right: only in California, would this really be a problem since I'll have probably 1/2 of the people at my recital show up stoned. (4/20 is national blazing day, in case you're out of the loop ;) )
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I hung out with some girls this weekend that I haven't really gotten a chance to see outside of school and it was a really interesting study in people's perceptions of you vs. how you see yourself. I suppose my personality has changed from living in California and making new sets of friends because my roommate often remarks how direct I am and how uber confident I seem. Those two qualities are probably some of the last things I think about myself. I tend to see myself as passive aggressive, but lately I've been trying to live honestly. If you're honest with someone (even yourself), things tend to work themselves out a lot quicker. So I guess that's where the directness comes in. The confidence is a shock to me because I've had to work soooo hard on having confidence in my music-making abilities, so perhaps I just channel all confidence into other areas of my life.
I can tell you right now that when I saw the chef walk into WS yesterday and turned 5 shades of red and stammered that he had left his bag and my business card in the store a few weeks ago, I was not exactly the most confident-seeming person in the world.
I have, however, been trying to put myself out there more in the dating world. I'm going on a date later this week with a guy that's a lot younger than me, but he seems pretty interesting. On the bus the other day I started up a conversation with a guy because we kept eyeing each other. Of course, I started the conversation about 2 minutes before I got off, but it's progress. And then I slipped this business card in the chef's bag. That was probably the gutsiest move I've pulled in a while.
Mark November 8th as officially Amy Hell Day.
I've complained to enough people about it to make me feel somewhat better and I'm sure my complaining isn't helping anything, but I've been up since the crack of dawn (literally) and won't get home until 16 hours later. That's one long day.
We had official holiday decorating in Williams Sonoma and so I had to wake up at 4 am to get to work at 6 am to hang live garlands. Then I proceeded to school for a rehearsal at 7 pm and after then I have to go home to finish a paper and do other homework. I deserve a very very large nap and drink after tomorrow's duties.
Looks like I'm not the only one with a busy schedule though, so I shouldn't really complain.
I'm really looking forward to this weekend - I have a potential dinner out with a friend from work, a bike ride on Sunday morning, and brunch with another friend from work Sunday afternoon. Practicing? What's that?
I just have to keep pushing for a week and a half and then Thanksgiving is upon us!! Not only do I get to go to southern Cali, but I get to make a day trip to Santa Barbara and see all my friends!
I still have pine sap on my hands and smell like Christmas trees.
Okay, it's really not, but it certainly is in retail world. The sad part is that I've gotten so used to this 'putting up Christmas before November even gets here' that I don't even find it unusual and have really gotten into the fall spirit. (I can't say I actually have thought about buying presents yet).
These past couple weeks have just been the weeks where a lot has happened, but nothing that I've felt really needed to be blogged about. That or I was just too dang tired to write.
I have officially decided that I hate Halloween, though. Fall, I love and will celebrate all the time. Halloween SUCKS. We need to just take it off our calendars. I have never ever had a Halloween I liked since I was probably 10 and now that I don't even want the candy and I have no creativity for costumes, there's really no point for it to exist. So it goes without saying that I really didn't celebrate this year.
It's really scary to me that November is already here, which means that my semester is almost over, which means that I'm a quarter of the way through my master's degree and I feel like I just got started. Time here is extremely precious and I have so much that I want to learn! Ah, becoming an adult. It means actually craving intellectual settings and higher education. Who woulda thunk. The only real difference at my conservatory is that I sometimes put a half-hearted effort into my papers and still recieve an A-plus. I almost wish I had to work harder for that 4.0.
I'm truly enjoying being single for the moment. It means I get to flirt with whomever, whenever I want and have fun the whole time. I almost got sucked into a major crush, but when it started taking over my thoughts and practice time, I nipped it in the bud. No boy is going to get in the way of my degree or my career. So there! (he also happened to not return my feelings, an important aside to the story)
I had a good fall break, taking a hike nearby in Muir Woods, going for a bike ride, watching TV, and relaxing. However, I'm going to desperately need some time away from this city in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. I'm going down to Santa Monica for the long weekend, and I thoroughly expect to be treated like the favorite (and only) niece that needs to be pampered, wined and dined.
I will leave you with a fun Williams-Sonoma anecdote:
We have walkies at work, with earpieces so no one else in the store can hear our conversations. On Thursday, my friend Nick announced to all the associates on said walkie that a man had just walked into our store with a bottle of wine, proceeded to the floor with wineopeners, used a $100 wineopener on display to open the bottle of wine, recorked it, and walked out. No joke. I'm not sure what my reaction would have been had I actually see this happen, but I most likely would have been speechless. Who does that???? Really?? Oh, the customers we get...
I had a really frustrating lesson today. I realize that every lesson can't be precisely perfect, but I want my teacher to pat me on the back and say 'well done.' And that just didn't happen today. I went in with the same music and I got the same comments that I did last week and it just made for a very deja vu moment. I guess I think about the fact that I really don't have a lot of lessons and that the one hour spent with my teacher is very precious and the fact that I basically had the same lesson twice is extremely frustrating.
Also to be told that my whole work this week in the practice rooms didn't really do much wasn't fun to hear either. Oh well, everyone needs one of those bad weeks to get them working again.
I've been stuck in the same routine for the past few weeks and really need to get out of it badly. I need to go for a day trip somewhere, go for a hike, go look at the Redwood Forest, or SOMETHING. Maybe it's because the weather here is beautiful, finally. When it's so warm and sunny out I just feel cooped up in a practice room. Good thing the weather only lasts like this for about 2 weeks out of the year. Otherwise I would have some attention span issues.
I was remarking to one of my friends that I really needed to get a sign to put in the window of my car and she smartly replied, 'Yes. Step #1 in selling a car is advertising.' Okay, she was being a smart ass, but it's true. I think that posting every week on Craigslist is sufficient, but honestly, it would be so awesome if someone just came up to me, and said, 'I love your car; is it for sale?' Fat chance.
Ooh, I just looked at my blog page and it said that my last post was #200. Woot.
It's really humorous how my perspective on homework has changed since being at a conservatory. I've had one big essay to write, one exam to prepare for, and some homework to do for a class this week. And somehow, I feel completely overwhelmed with work, like every time I have a free hour I'm doing homework. Of course, I've also gotten very used to not having to do any work when I get home from school so my mind is blown when I *gasp* horror of horrors have to actually open a book during the week!
Today has just been one of those days where I feel a little blue, I feel like everyone's getting sick of me and I'm being a clingy friend and my practicing is just plain sucky. Thankfully, tomorrow is Friday and after the big party life can return to normal.
I hate being told that someone is into me because then I get all self-conscious around them and don't act like myself. I would much rather be oblivious, but I guess you have to start somewhere...
I haven't blogged in a while mainly because it's been a couple weeks of stuff happening all at once and then mundane stuff taking over the rest of the time.
Let's see: I cried for pretty much no reason on Friday night except that I was extremely tired and worried about money for the zillionth time this month. Oh and I was having 'female issues' aka PMS. That always helps.
We have another concert this Saturday and our orchestra is not ready at all. I only have two rehearsals before we perform and as principal flute, I'm quite nervous about our unpreparedness.
Friday is my roommate Erica's birthday and I'm throwing a make-your-own-pizza party for her where all the guests bring their own toppings and we provide the dough, sauce, and cheese. I think it'll be fun and there is a good diverse group coming. I'm sure I'll have pictures.
I've decided to have a recital in the spring, so if you're looking for something to do in March, you can come hear me play! I've got some really hard stuff on the program, plus for our concerto competition we have to play the entire work, which means all three movements of a concerto memorized. I've got my work cut out for me.
My mom left on Friday, but she'll be back for three weeks starting next Sunday. Somehow I don't think that we'll be going out to dinner every other night when she gets back, but it'll be really nice to have her close and be able to grab coffee or have a shoulder to cry on when I'm being irrational. And stuff.
And finally, I have the next two days technically free of all obligations. I'm still getting up early to sign out practice rooms for the whole week, but I have nowhere that I absolutely have to be and I'm going to milk it. I like having a couple of days to just get my life slowly sorted out again and do homework so that when the end of the week comes, I'm not horribly horribly stressed.
My new job is both scary and really fun because I have a whole lot of power in the school.
I was trained tonight as a stage manager and it's cool because I have access to all the keys for all the pianos in the school, I can control the lights in the recital hall and concert hall (very high tech stuff) and I make sure that recitals and concerts run smoothly. And I get paid minimum wage to do it. The power makes it all worthwhile.
It's slightly nerve-wracking to be the one person that could make a difference between the best recital you give and the one where everything goes wrong, all based on whether the lighting is right or whether your accompanist misses a page turn. At the same time, I love being the person that everyone comes to with questions and to be the one that gives orders to my minions (otherwise known as ushers).
It's good to have my mom in town for a little bit because I can see her on my schedule and she has a lot to be doing during the times that I'm busy, which would be this entire week. However, I was just starting to be good about what I eat and then I get taken out to dinner and reintroduced to this world of non-poor-starving-student-food. I wish I had time to exercise - this whole running a half-marathon in the summer thing is not looking too good right now. My exercise is running up and down stairs at school because we only have 2 elevators in the whole building.
oh I forgot two important things.
ONE - My mom is coming tomorrow! She's going to be working for the retirement home that I stayed in my first month here and she'll be here for two weeks!! Girl time, mom time, and good food here I come...
TWO - Our first orchestra concert is tonight. I'm sooooooo excited. Mainly because I have so many cute black clothes and I just can't decide which to wear. But we're playing the same concert again on Monday, so there are lots of opportunities.
Amazing how the time flies when you actually have stuff to fill up your calendar. It seems like the beginning of school was just here. Of course, there were about two weeks where I was twiddling my thumbs, but now that everything has started up, the past two weeks have just flown by.
Like most normal people, Fridays are the days I look forward to the most. For me, Friday night means going out with all of the people I've made friends with at school and having a drink somewhere and generally being social. It's amazing how little I get of that during the week.
Last night, my friend Alexx and I went for a drink right after school and then headed over to my roommate's boyfriend's apartment (did you get that?) for homemade pizzas. Okay, so it wasn't homemade dough, but when you can get a pizza dough that will feed 4 people for 99 cents at Trader Joe's, who would make homemade?? Anyway, they were amazing and good food and good conversation is the best way to spend the end of the week.
I'm loving school more and more. Our orchestra sounds amazing, especially coming from Carolina where there were severe holes in more than one of the sections. It's so great not to worry whether the violins are going to get all the right rhythms or not! I'm so glad that I came from a lesser music program though because one of my friends came from another conservatory and he is such a snob about how our orchestra sounds that if I didn't know any better, he would ruin all of my happiness about finally being in a semi-professional environment. Fortunately, I do know better, so I just smile and nod.
It's frustrating that so much is going on in my life that it's hard to pick and choose what to put in my blog. I have so many thoughts and so many things to share, but they always end up so abbreviated on here.
Let's just say: San Francisco is really cool, I love that I can work in the tourist center and be a native and then the next day get out my windbreaker, fanny pack, and camera and become a tourist looking at all the pretty sights. (Just kidding, I don't have a fanny pack). I love school and I love being around musicians that are just as serious about music as I am, but that are also normal, social, human beings and don't practice for days on end. I love that my school is small and that the atmosphere is so supportive and challenging at the same time. I love working at Williams-Sonoma where I cut down my hours to 15 a week and they still don't care as long as I keep working there. I even love that the weather changes drastically every single day and you don't know whether you're going to get dense fog or bright blue skies and it could change as soon as I enter the city from where I live (closer to the ocean).
So that's life so far in a nutshell.
Tonight, I was paid to: sit on my butt for an hour, waiting for the boat to dock; drink 4 gin and tonics; go on a cruise for two hours; and play Mozart trios for approx. 2 hours. It's ridiculous sometimes the life of a musician. And afterwards, everyone thanked me for being there and acted like I was doing them the favor. Nonononono people. Thank YOU.
I don't have the energy or will to download pics of my potluck dinner yet, but here's a picture from Santa Barbara in the same dress that I wore tonight.
Things that make me happy today:
- a free yoga class every Monday at my school that was actually really challenging
- the song "Smile" by Lily Allen. I haven't even broken up with anyone recently and it's such a great breakup song. It has a good beat too.
- I have tons of leftovers from the FANTASTIC potluck dinner that my roommate and I threw last night. 5 layer dip, salmon, fried rice, peach and blackberry crisp, vanilla ice cream, brownies, fresh french bread. Yeah.
- a great first lesson and studio class. My teacher rocks.
- getting to play a gig tomorrow! (Even though I have no idea what I'm doing)
I've found that being a graduate student at a good school has been a two-edged sword. I'm surrounded by people that are good at what they do and so I feel like I fit in somehow. It's an elite group that I'm allowed to be a part of and that inspires me to be my best. At the same time, I'm constantly intimidated by all of these other musicians that I compare myself to and feel like I'm not worthy to be on the same level as them.
I've always had confidence issues and they're getting worked out now, slowly but surely. The side of me that is inspired and sure about my abilities is winning out over the person who thinks she's just second-best.
I had a really, really great rehearsal with my (free!) accompanist tonight and everything just clicked. I have to play in studio for the first time on Monday in front of all the other flutists and I feel like it's the one time when they don't know what to expect and that I have all of these things to live up to. After playing with the piano though, it's easy to just get lost in the music and not worry about what someone else is thinking. I'm just hoping I can retain that when I'm being judged by my peers and can just play for me, without any comparisons.
OH my goodness.
These last few days have been utter chaos. I love it, but I really think my brain is going to explode from time to time.
I am now not kidding that I would really like to add a few hours to the day because I'm discovering that having a part-time job both at school and outside school is insanity. I'm going to have to cut down my hours at W-S because I just can justify cutting down on anything at school, since it's sorta what I want to do for the rest of my life.
That being said, I'm really excited about a few things that have happened over the past two days.
#1 - my new boss at school is uber cool. I'm working for the concert office, so I'm in charge of setting up the stage for recitals, controlling the lights, ushering, unlocking and moving pianos and harpsichords. I get to say no to people and boss others around and carry keys. And as my boss, Seth, pointed out, I'm basically getting paid to listen to music. I get to go hear Chanticleer for free because I'm ushering while even conservatory students have to at least pay $11 and I'm getting paid to be there. Sweet.
#2 - I already have a gig. Playing on a boat. And I get to wear my cute dress that I've been saving for my recital, but since it's black tie, I need something really formal for the event. Did I mention I get paid $70/hour? Because I do. This is through the Music to Go! program that I auditioned for, so the school gets the calls and then they in turn ask the students if they want the job or not. So the school does all the advertising and we get all the rewards. I'm going to be playing trios with a violin and cello. I'm really really pumped! Of course, I told W-S that I had to leave early for an 'unavoidable class conflict'. Which is a half-lie since this really is important to my career and thereby almost like a class for me.
#3 - I got into the Gamelan class that I was waitlisted for. I've always been curious about Javanese music and wanted to play in a gamelan and now I have an opportunity to!
I finally understand why conservatory students never go to class though or do homework. Because in the past two days, I haven't even thought about what homework I have due or what is coming up in class. I've even thought, 'academics?! pssssh' Which is quite a switch from Ms. I Need to Make Straight A's in college. It's just not the most important thing now.
And I don't spend a lot of time at Scrabble. I'm just that good naturally ;)
This first real week of school and work is kicking my butt.
Tomorrow I'm gone from 9-6, which really isn't that bad. I think it's the fighting for practice rooms and the severe lack of them that gets the most frustrating. When I want to practice, there aren't any rooms available and I have such precious free time that I don't want to spend it waiting around.
Thursday I'm getting up at 7 am to get to school at 9 so I can practice for an hour before my 8 hour shift at work and then come back to school from 7-10 pm for a training session. That's going to be the killer day.
On top of work, work at school, ensembles, class, and homework, I'm trying to be social too. I'm organizing a potluck at my house on the one day that I have off of everything. I'm also planning on going to church and out to brunch with another friend that day, so I'm loading up my calendar. What would a day be without a rigid plan for every hour??
I had a dream last night that I was done with graduate school after this week. Surprisingly, I cried and cried because I didn't want to leave and didn't think that I was ready for the real world.
I guess I'm getting a little attached to this place.
I just bought the new iPod nano. It's silver and has room for 1,000 songs. I'm a very happy girl.
Apparently I have really good timing b/c they literally just came out with the new version today. It's more square and has a large color screen. It's a perfect size for what I need, which is just something to entertain me on the metro and to play orchestra pieces back when I'm learning the music.
It's so new the store doesn't have any accesories for it yet. That'll be my present to it next month I guess, maybe sooner. I don't want this one dying in 2 years. I would be very very sad.
This isn't mine, but you get the idea.
So here are some long-awaited pictures of my room and the gorgeous city I live in. And a picture of the enormous sundae you get at Ghirardelli Square just for good measure.
One of the biggest rewards of going to a school that lets you out of class for having an excuse like "I had to fly to Orlando to audition for a real job" is that I have absolutely no books to buy this semester. That's right. NO BOOKS.
So what did I do with the copious amounts of money that I set aside for books? Spent it on reading material for my 40-minute public transporation ride to school. The three I have started with are The Joy Luck Club because it's set in San Francisco and I've never read Amy Tan, Old School because it was highly recommended by the man that ran the used book store, and In the Merde for Love because it's a funny account of a man that lived in Provence for a year. I'm so excited about my ride to school and work now.
Well, it's the time for my weekly blog. I really don't plan this, I just realize that it's been forever since I've blogged and that those that read should be updated on what goes on in my life, however mundane it may seem to me.
I have officially signed up for classes and am taking 16 hours. To any normal Carolina student, that looks like a fairly normal load. But when you consider that I'm really only taking 2 classes that each have 3 credits, you start to wonder (or at least I do) if graduate school is just a joke and an excuse to pay people loads of money. No really, I'm actually ecstatic that my weekly flute lessons count for 4 credits - which in case you weren't counting, is actually MORE than a regular class. These conservatories actually have it right!!
I finally have pictures of my room, but seeing as it's almost 11 (aka 2 in the morning to any normal 20-year old) I am way too tired and lazy to post them tonight. You shall all soon see the splendor that is my room.
However.
I have officially decided that after these two years I will either live with one other person or by myself. None of this 3 other girls thing. It just doesn't work. Every time I get home from being away for 13+ hours, I find myself hoping and praying that no one is home and if I lived by myself, this wouldn't be a worry. Thank you Captain Obvious.
In other news, I'm gaining weight like crazy and plan on getting back onto my running routine for the third time since I've moved out to San Francisco. I swear, it's just all of these weird transitions that have got me getting out of a routine. I'm sure once I have school, work, and work study to tackle all in one day I'm going to be stopping running again, but at least I have my breaking point that tells me that I have to start exercising again or else I will need to buy a new wardrobe. Why, oh why can't I have one of those metablolisms that girls like Jennifer Smith have where they eat everything in sight and can't gain a pound. It's so not fair.
Highlights and lowlights of the past week (you decide which):
- getting stuck on the light rail system for 2 hours travelling from the East Bay back to the city after the 72,000 fans left Berkeley from the biggest and first football game of the season. I didn't even go to the stupid game but got stuck with all the drunkards!! grrrrrr
- seeing my friend, Bonnie, from Santa Barbara and buying new makeup
- getting a free fresh baguette from the local sourdough factory
- having the next 5 days off of work
- finding out one of my roommates is paying significantly less rent than I and not being able to say anything
- getting into the gig program where I get offered jobs and get paid $80/hour through the school
- not having to work on Labor Day/not getting to work on Labor Day and get paid time and a half
I'm such a grandma when that is true.
I also tend to have a pattern of blogging on Sundays. I guess it's really the only day that I feel like I truly have time off. Orientation wasn't too bad, but my brain certainly hurt after my 2 hour music theory test since I had to go straight to work for 8 hours after that. I've met a few new people, mainly one guy that I have a friend in common with, so we've been hanging out, but other than that I've been completely anti-social. Or working. Same difference.
Ummmm I can't think of what else to say. I guess I'll have more news when school starts and I'll know my schedule.
I bought a case (12 bottles) of Charles Shaw - otherwise known as 2 buck Chuck - with Erica and Ryder and with my friend Alexx preceded to drink half of the case. Ouch. Wine and strawberries and good conversation is the classiest way I've ever drank that much. It was a lot of fun actually.
I'm not sure the number of the new chapter I'm about to start in my life, but I'm pretty excited about it nevertheless.
Orientation starts on Tuesday for me and I'll get to start meeting people and proving how much I learned in my undergrad. Okay, well maybe I'll make a fool of myself, but I honestly don't think anyone has seriously studied for these placement tests we have to take. So I think I'll be in good company if I have to take a bunch of review classes. Plus, the ones that will have to take them will probably be the people that took a couple of years off and like me, can't remember for the life of them what they learned 5 years ago.
I'm getting my hair cut next week and I'm also pretty excited about that. No more of this growing it out to give to Locks of Love. Been there, done that. I look cute with short hair and it's easier to maintain. I just wish I could get my red back, but I don't feel like dyeing it myself or paying to get it done. Guess I'll have to be grateful for what God gave me ;)
Other than that, I'm just working, eating, and sleeping. Gee, life has been eventful.
Customer of the week:
The man who tried to haggle with me.
He obviously thought he was in a flea market, not Williams-Sonoma, because he came up to me and offered me 1/2 of the ticket price on a sale item. I half-laughed in his face, then calmly said, 'Sir, I can't give you a price other than what shows up in my computer. Sorry.'
Yes, my weekend is starting on Sunday. But I have three glorious days off. Of course I have a million and one things to do in those precious 72 hours, but no matter.
My brain is focusing on several important things right now:
#1 I just finished Harry Potter.
Life can resume again. I was blissfully unaware of the fact that the world existed when my nose was buried in that book, but now I suppose it's time to move on. Everyone was right. What a well-written ending. Man, I couldn't put it down during the last 250 pages.
#2 School is starting incredibly soon
I haven't even started studying and have basicallly resigned myself to enrolling in the stupie review classes, but honestly I think I would rather take them. It's been about 4 years since I've taken any generic music classes and it would be a good time to review. Plus I could sure use the extra time to practice (since I'm not expecting these classes to be anywhere close to academically rigorous and could pull a paper out of my butt any time they ask).
#3 My friend Amity is visiting for two days
I'm stoked to see someone that knows me, that knows important things that have happened in my life, and that I am 100% comfortable around. And I get to show her the city! And we get to go eat amazing food and have two days of vacation.
I don't think our mutual friend Ben reads my blog, so I'm going to steal an element of his blog because I like it.
Unexpected encounter of the day: Roommate rudeness.
Now, I knew that one of the girls that I was going to be living with is a bit of a "rules" person. She likes to have the place neat, we all have chores, and she doesn't want to mess up her interior decorating. Fine. I have my own room to retreat to.
However, when she decided that my friends and I were being too loud in the hallway, we did not get a "could you please retire to somewhere less communal." We got a shout from the living room saying "you guys have way exceded your hallway time. it's unacceptable." WELL. Way to make sure I don't want to talk to you any time soon, Jessica.
Of course, I didn't say a word. I just motioned us up to my bedroom and we continued our conversation there. Erica was way more peeved than I was.
This is when I wonder, am I ever going to have the guts to stand up to someone and say, you're being rude and I dont' appreciate it? I've had the courage to stand up to someone and tell them I don't agree, but it's always been in a polite way. I've just never been able to be rude to someone when they've been rude to me. It seems like going against the turn the other cheek thing and just not the best way to resolve issues. But when is it okay to retaliate or let someone know that they've done something innappropriate?
By nature, I've always been passive aggressive, always coming up with wonderful retorts about 2 hours later. I would like to think that as time goes on, I'm finding a better balance between keeping it all bottled in and lashing out at anyone that does me an injustice.
I knew she wasn't going to be easy to live with, but honestly, things could be a lot worse and my room is too awesome to let her get to me.
Today was a great day for many reasons.
I got an excellent desk chair for cheap, put my desk together finally, and bought a rug, side table, and organizational tools. Then I unpacked most of my boxes, put them in storage, and significantly cleared out my room. It all sounds really mundane, but it's amazing what a sense of home you can have with everything in their right place. I actually enjoy walking into my room now.
I have to say, I really love my colors. The walls are a light gold, my bed is a cranberry with gold accents, and I have a chocolate rug with gold designs. It feels so warm, which is especially important in this ridiculously cold month we've been having.
Apparently, SF gets an Indian summer, so we'll be having 80 and 90 degree weather in September and October. Fabulous. Everyone's favorite quote here is:
"The coldest winter I experienced was the summer I spent in San Francisco."
- Mark Twain
My roommate, Erica, and I have been hanging out whenever I have a day off and recently we've included a guy that will be a fellow incoming grad student. It's nice to have the guy element to balance out the two females. I'm strongly reminded of my favorite trio from college days, and a little nostalgic, but I know that if there's no competition (hah, good luck with that one) then not only is three not a crowd, it's actually quite a pleasant combination.
The third reason today was great was that the three of us (Erica, Ryder, and I) made pancakes for dinner. Not just any pancakes, either. Banana pancakes. Oh man, were they delicious. There's just something about breakfast for dinner. It's so comforting and satisfying.
My bed calls, as does my early morning. I haven't been running for over a week and it's taking a toll on my body. :/ So the road calls for an early-morning appointment.
I had an awful awful encounter the other day with the Golden Gate Bridge. I was just driving along, minding my own business, when I was faced with the toll gate. I knew that I had to pay a toll, but for some odd reason thought that it would be perfectly fine to pay with a debit card. One glare, a 'toll evasion' ticket, and $30 later, I just have a good story of when I was fined because I didn't have any cash on me. Stupid big city sucking money out of tourists.
Well, that's the only thing that has really gone wrong in the past few days.
I'm now officially in my new house and will be spending my first night here tonight. There are so many pluses and minuses that I can't begin to list them all. The two biggest downsides:
- Shared bathroom
- The walls are thin, so I can hear conversations downstairs
Biggest pluses:
- huge room
- a real place to live
Every new place that you call home takes some adjusting and I think the biggest obstacle right now is moving in and unpacking everything to the point where each item has a place to go. Also, since the other 2 girls have been here for a while, I sometimes feel like their stuff is strewn about and I have to squeeze my way in, as if there's not really room for me and Erica and we're guests in our own home with a little corner of cabinet space.
It's weird to be living with people again and having to make compromises. In Santa Barbara, our only shared area was the kitchen. But here, we have the living room, the garden, the kitchen, and only one shower for four girls. Thank goodness our schedules right now are completely opposite ends of the spectrum.
The highlights of today were going grocery shopping and cooking for the first time in my own house, and my new set of bed linens. They're cranberry with a few gold and olive throws and one pillow that ties them all together. Having a bed with shams and a color-coordinated theme has been my dream for a long time. Now all I need is a four poster or really any bed frame and I will be completely happy with my bed set-up.
Where's your dad when you need him? I bought a bunch of furniture from Ikea that is really pretty, but I need a drill to be able to put my desk together. Of course, my dad probably could have made my desk, but that's a whole other issue.
Back to work tomorrow, but it was sooooo awesome to have a whole day off to get moved out and moved in and have some me time.
I'm slowly becoming more and more busy and getting out of the transition stage of moving.
All I have left on my list now before school starts is:
- move into house
- buy furniture
- study for placement exams
- figure out work/school schedule
- sell car
Currently I'm either working 9 hour days and trying to figure out how to practice as well or I have day trips planned on my days off. Erica just got here yesterday and we stood in line for a total of 2 hours to ride the cable cars. I'm not sure how many more times I'm willing to do that for visitors. It's sorta a pain in the rear. But then we had some amazing Italian food and cheesecake from none other than the Cheesecake Factory for dessert which made it all worth it.
I get to see my high school flute teacher in a few days! She moved to Texas a few years ago, so I haven't seen her since she moved and she hasn't heard me play since my sophomore recital. So I'm really looking forward to playing for her and just hanging out.
I should post some pics of my work here. It's pretty frickin amazing.
So scratch that whole 'housing sucks here' thing.
I have a place to live as of 9 pm last night!!!
So, basically everyone has to come visit me because my house (that's right. house.) is amazing, beautiful, and exactly what I want to come home to. We have 4 bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, dining area, garden, and basement/garage. What a find in the heart of San Francisco. Here's the kicker though:
I can see the Golden Gate Bridge from my window! :0)
Given, it's about 4 inches in length and I saw it when it was a completely clear day, but it's still just plain cool.
My roommate gets here on Wednesday and I have entrance exams and auditions in exactly a month. So now that I have the two main worry things checked off, I can move on to the smaller (and yet somehow more important) worry points.
Well, I caved. I'm working for Williams-Sonoma again, even though I tried my best to not get sucked in. I guess that was my will getting in the way, because I'm actually really thrilled now to have the job that I do.
Basically, I was hired and given a high starting pay simply because I have so much experience and I would never have been given that privilege had I tried at some other retail place. Not to mention the fact that the store I'm working in is 4 stories tall, has a full time maid, chef, and shipping/running staff so that the sales people are really only just sales people. It's so nice to make other people do all the work. :) Because this particular store is in the heart of the San Francisco downtown shopping area (known as Union Square), they are the representative for all Williams-Sonomas in the country. So everything is done really right and there is a high standard of knowledge to be on the team. I feel like I'm back at school with all the studying I've been doing already.
Let's not forget to add that the chefs always have leftovers from their demonstrations, so I basically get to have professionally prepared food every time I work, which will be 40 hours/week for a while, and there are some very cute boys that work there that may very possibly not be gay. I think I'm going to have fun! If they are gay, I'll have eye candy and a girl friend. Sweet!
Housing is not going quite as well, but I've given up until my roommate gets here. I just don't have the energy between work and practicing and have already put so much time and effort into it without anything really to show for it. I'm content to just sit back for a week and work my butt off to save up some money for that first month's rent. (Ridiculous how expensive it gets here).
Some unforseen recent happy events:
- I got yet another tax return in the mail that I had no idea was coming. I love those.
- One of the ladies at work has just bought HP7 and I get to read it after her.
- A cute ambiguous guy at WS speaks French and we spoke for a little. Hottttt!
- My friend, Amity, might come visit me in a couple of weeks.
- I discovered a really good coffee shop near the conservatory.
You know that your life has become that of a 70-year-old woman when:
- you don't know how to get into the building because you've gotten home after 6:00 in the evening.
That's right, folks. For the first time in 1 1/2 weeks, I got back to where I was staying at 6:45pm and found that the front door wasn't open. Not a big deal, really, since I have a key and it wasn't that hard to figure out. The point was that I had never encountered this because I've always been INSIDE after 6:00 and never knew that after 6, the doors were closed. Man, that was a severe shock and I laughed at myself for a good minute. Or more.
- you wake up at 7 every morning.
My internal clock is set for 7 or 7:30 and I've turned into my mom saying, 'You just get so much more done in the morning!' Sadly for me, I don't have that much to do during the day as a result. Good thing I have a huge city to explore.
On another note, I saw Harry Potter 5 today. 5 movies??!!?? Really? It doesn't seem like that many, but after seeing flashbacks of little Daniel in his first "year" at Hogwarts, it certainly seems like I've watched him grow up. What an amazing phenomenon and a good testament to the consumerism of America. Oh, I completely and totally contribute to the Harry Potter mania, but I still find it a little disgusting every time action figures and video games are made from movies that were made from books.
At this point in the Harry Potter series, with two movies to go and one final book about to be released, there's no question that the rest of the movies will be made. Why stop now? Every other one has been a huge hit and each one contains the who's who of the British acting world. I have to say, they completely deserve all of the hype. They are so well acted and directed. Or maybe I'm just brainwashed like the rest... There's something about seeing a book come to life, or hearing a word pronounced differently than how you always read it. Like Seamus Finnagan. I always pronounced it see-mus, but it's really shay-mus. Go figure.
The question really is, what will happen when everything is done in the Harry Potter series and there are no more movies to be made, everything has resolved itself with Harry and the huge box collections are a few years old. What then? Will life continue as it has? These are life's important queries.
Today was probably the most hectic that I've had to date in San Francisco. I spent the better part of 7 hours travelling by train, foot, or light rail to various destinations.
What was the result of all of this arduous work?
- I discovered that I no longer want to live in Berkeley or Oakland. It's way too far a commute and not worth it at $50 a week just to get into the city. So *pbllttth*
- Consequently, I have to rethink all of my housing plans and areas that I was looking in. Count yourself blessed if you have a permanent place to live, are near the parentals, or have a place waiting for you in your new city (ahem Megan and Christa). Finding housing SUCKS.
- I ate 4 times. I think I'm over-eating simply because when I have time to kill or a $20 bill to break, I think of food.
- Four restaurants now have my resume in their hands and I have an interview tomorrow. Let's hope it goes better than the last one that told me I could be a food runner for 4-6 months before moving up.
- I might have to live with 3 other people instead of 1 and possibly get a more expensive place just so my commute to school isn't one hour one-way every day.
My purse is filled with business cards, maps, a planner that I bought four days ago and have completely gone crazy with, and resumes and I think my brain cannot handle any more. At least I know I'll sleep well.
My (now ex) roommate, Courtney, would be proud. Despite the need for mindless activity, I turned off my TV after only 2 hours of watching. One small truimph for the day!
He came out to play today and I was sooooo happy. It's amazing how much the weather can affect your emotions. I'm finding more and more reasons to live across the bay, and one of them is that it doesn't get the fog like out in west San Fran.
Well I promised some pictures, so here they are.
I went to this estate called Filoli a little south of the city today and it was so beautiful. The gardens were just what I imagine are on the grounds of some ridiculously wealthy king. I was having fun imagining I was walking around in flouncy dresses with my hand lightly touching a gentleman's forearm.
I also stopped to smell the roses. Hardy, harhar.
And the big house is actually where I'm staying, not the estate I saw today.
HAH. That's a good one.
After living in a place for a year that truly exemplified stereotypical California weather, I'm going through withdrawl.
Let's just put it this way: I pulled out my cashmere sweater today and was still cold while walking around my neighborhood.
That's just wrong to wear sweaters in the beginning of July.
My favorite thing about moving to a place where I don't know anyone is that I have a completely fresh slate. I could become goth. I could become a cheerleader. I could be a music nerd that shuts themself up in a practice room all day. Okay, well I'm not moving back to high school, but you get the idea.
My first night here and yesterday were a little rough just because it's weird to just have picked up my life and plopped it down in a new city. All the people that I saw every day, all my routines are just gone and it won't be the same again. But looking back on my life in Santa Barbara, I did basically the same thing this time last year and look how attached I am to it now. I think the biggest changes are going from a small town to a huge city and going from having all the time in the world to being a full-time student with a couple jobs on the side. I'm so glad that I have these couple months to get everything figured out, or else I think I would be going crazy trying to do everything in two weeks.
Two downers:
1. I left my retainer at the house in SB. No problem! you say. Ah, but it's in the locked guest room and my landlady won't be back until the 14th. My poor retainer has had so many grand adventures and they started back in 6th grade when I threw it in the dumpster and had to go digging in the trash to find it. Yes, I've had that little piece of hard plastic for 11 years.
2. I can't get into the conservatory to practice until Tuesday. I really should have checked into the schedule stuff before I moved because it's ridiculous to be here without being able to practice. But, c'est la vie. I can't do anything about it now and I'm glad they're so strict on their rules.
I figure the best way to get to know my neighborhood right now is to go for a run. You get to see much more than if you're just walking everywhere. So I'm on a mission to find a grocery store and a drug store. Can you believe that they don't have a Target or a Wal-Mart in the city of San Fran?? You have to go drive 10 or 15 min. outside of the city. What's with these Californians? In Charlotte we have 4 within 10-minute driving radius of my house. Sheesh.
And happy last day in Santa Barbara to me. I'm trying my best to stay positive, like I'm going to go have a picnic up on the cliffs over the beach with my good friend, Amity, later. Then we're going to watch fireworks. It should be fun.
My room is all packed up but I have all this random crap that I need one more big box for that I don't actually have. I do like being able to just stuff everything in my car and go, it's definitely the best way to move. I'm really stoked about the drive up the coast, it's going to be beautiful.
Maybe my blog sounds static because I'm trying to listen to music and type at the same time. Maybe it's because I'm feeling a little dead inside right now. I need something (like a large, life-changing move?) to get me out of this funk.
As a little girl, I was never popular in school and never had close friends, which made me feel rejected. Now I do have close friends, but I make myself believe that's not enough and I feel awful when I'm rejected in one way or another by a boy. I wish that I could just slap myself up the head and be like, 'Stupid! Look what's around you! Look who does care for you! You have so many amazing people in your life!' I wonder if it would help, because no matter how many times I try to give myself an ego boost, nothing hurts more than silence or lies, which I've gotten a lot of in the past month.
*sigh* okay. I'm going to go make myself busy somehow.
I know, what is the world coming to that I blog twice in one day, almost immediately after one another.
But I remembered a funny story from yesterday.
I had a lunch date and we were sitting outside because it was a beautiful afternoon, somewhat off to the side of the patio. We were having fun just talking and suddenly I realize that it's been about 10 minutes since we sat down and we don't even have menus. So our waitress finally comes up and apologizes profusely, but we tell her it's no big deal. I honestly didn't even notice, even though my stomach did. The rest of the meal goes fine, maybe a little slow service but it was a nice day and the restaurant was busy. (Can I just say, beer from a brewhouse in the middle of the day? With a cute boy? Perfect.)
Later that night my roommate invited me over to her friend's house for dinner (2 free meals in one day? Also magnificent) and who do I meet but my waitress from lunch. She said she was really sorry about the service but that my boyfriend was a really good tipper. I replied, 'Well we both work in the restaurant industry, so even when our waitress sucks, we still like to tip well.' Haha, no I didn't really say that. I said something like, 'Oh, he's not my boyfriend, but I wish he was.'
Today is most likely the last normal day that I'll have here in Santa Barbara. So much is happening in the next week and few days that I haven't really had time (or haven't wanted to) to think about what changes are going to happen.
I can't move my furniture up to San Francisco, so it all has to get sold/given away. However, the catch is that as of Thursday I'm basically going to be across town and busy all day for four days straight and when my program ends, I'm supposed to be moved out of my room. So, I almost have to be moved out of my room as of Thursday, only not really.
To add to this, I have a girl coming to stay with me for the length of the program because she doesn't want to spend money on a hotel. Fair enough, but things are going to get craaaaazy.
I hate moving. I love living in new cities and making new friends, but it sucks to leave your friends behind and a place that you've grown to love.
It's true. I bought a Justin Timberlake CD. I can admit it to the online world and I proudly (well while laughing and blushing) tell people of my recent purchase. I can't help it if his music is so dang catchy! And I know you know what I'm talking about because Megan is the first person I think of when I hear the lyrics "gonna getcha nekked by the end of this song."
In other news, I went back to Ann Taylor. I couldn't take the not working thing. I was going crazy. Plus I made another purchase, so I needed to have the money for it somehow. I'm awful - I told my co-workers that if I bought anything else there they were allowed to slap me. I'm serious. No more shopping!!
I went to a flute masterclass this afternoon that my teacher up in San Francisco was giving. The funniest part was when I went up to go say hi to him and it took us about 40 seconds before he could figure out who I was. Finally I was like, 'um, I'm going to be your student next year??' and then he connected the two in his mind. I don't blame him - I totally didn't expect him to remember me when he saw 50 some auditionees for 15 minutes each in one day. He probably knows my name better than my face. But it was still funny. I felt quite insignificant and special at the same time.
Random story: I went out with my roommate and her friend from MAC, Natalie. Natalie pointed out the bartender at a bar we were at, saying that she had just started dating him. The best part is that they dated for 4 years before splitting up about 6 years ago. He had proposed to her when they were in their early 20's and she wasn't ready to get married. Then they separated and thought that was that. Now 6 years later (and in a different city) they're back together! It totally gives me perspective on the fact that you never know what will happen in the future and who will come back into your life. Crazy.
It was amazing how quickly my mood changed the second I entered Santa Barbara. When I was home this week, I was lazy and proud of it. But when I caught a whiff of that sea breeze, I was ready for action. I haven't really stopped moving since.
The weather has been so perfect here - sunny and warm, without being overwhelmingly humid (cough cough Charlotte). I've just enjoyed walking around downtown with nothing to do but enjoying the afternoon. When I was done unpacking, I just took a stroll and ran a couple of errands but felt like I had had two cups of coffee, I was so energized. A natural caffeine - I guess that's what living in California does to me.
Today I went to an Afro-Brazilian dance class, went grocery shopping, washed my car, practiced, and am going to a photography show opening and then on to a cycling class. I think this whole no working thing will get old in about 2 weeks. Good thing I'm basically leaving then. My week is filling up with birthday parties, events, and shows and I'm glad because I love being busy.
I don't understand boys. I'm getting the weirdest mixed messages and I just can't decide what to do. But I'm standing my ground and not making the first move because I think I've made myself obvious enough. Another good reason I've been so busy.
Well, my family and birthday have both come and gone and now after having 4 days off in a week, I'm in denial about this whole 'job' thing.
I got into Ann Taylor today to find out I'm working 22 hours next week along with my restaurant for the next four days, which means I have a 2 hour break every day during a 12 or 13 hour day. Plus our restaurant is closing, which means glassware is disappearing, we're short-staffed, and loads of people are coming in wanting to hear the whole story, which takes a while to tell and is getting quite old. I'm already burned out and I haven't gotten through my first day back yet.
I sat down to lunch today with a glass of wine and then realized 'I look like an alcoholic.' Plus it turned out I really just wanted food, not alcohol, so I poured it back into the bottle. Wine at 3:00 in the afternoon.... hmmm.
I love my birthday cards, Christa. They'll stay up on my wall for quite a long time ;) I had so much fun that day and realized that I actually do have friends here that are willing to do a lot to hang out with me. Everyone that I invited to a nice dinner showed up even though it was expensive and I had 5 good friends to share a memorable evening with. Looking out my window the next day, it hit me that I'm really going to miss Santa Barbara and this year that I've had. Not having school to worry about, having the perfect job and apartment, growing musically and emotionally, and living so darn near the beach have made this year a time I won't forget.
Sigh, okay off I go again to get ready for work.
I recently went on iTunes and discovered that I had some extra money to buy songs and promptly got "Into the Ocean" by Blue October. It's actually a depressing song if you take it literally - about someone that commits suicide by drowning himself, but it's got a great beat. Anyway, I've been jamming to it every day.
So, I really didn't want to do anything big for my birthday, and I finally decided the perfect activity ; a hike. There's one called 7 Falls around here that isn't too strenuous, but has some miniature rock climbing and stream jumping involved and is supposed to have some spectacular views. And it's outdoors and something that most people like to do. And it's a great alternative to doing something boring like going to a club, or eating at a fancy restaurant. So I'm excited. I just wonder how big a group is too big, but I figure if 10 people tell me they're coming, then 5 of them probably will, which is a perfect size.
I've finally been socializing a little and got to go out with my friend Amity last night and have a ginger mojito (mmmm) at this little tapas bar near work and then I went shopping with my new friend Bonnie today and got the cutest patent leather pumps that are good for going out as well as concert wear. Not to mention I got them at Payless for $20. Score.
Life is good, and my aunt, uncle, and cousin are coming up in two days! I'm really ready for some family time...
I saved a baby bird today. Okay, it was a pigeon and most people think that pigeons are equal to rats or something, but it was cute and helpless. I drove it to a wild animal shelter that said they would do everything they could to help it. So, voila my good deed for the day.
I had a conversation with a couple from Spain in 3 languages tonight. I'm starting to have the confidence to speak to people in public in Spanish, but man it was rough. Then they found out I spoke French and when neither of us could think of a word, we said it in English. Somehow, we still had an intelligent conversation, but my brain hurt when I left the table.
Speaking of Spanish, I talked with my Spanish roommate about Latin guys and the difference in dating in their culture. Basically she was saying that guys like to be chased. There was more substance to our discussion, but that was the bottom line. And let me just say, I'm so sick of being the one that initiates. Seriously. Can I please have someone calling me and asking me out instead of vice versa?
I'm not sure I believe in good and bad energy, but I do believe that moods get passed on from one person to another very easily and that bad feelings can be felt almost physically. I've gotten to the point with someone in my restaurant that I physically get sick being around them and we have a very tangible dislike. I've tried so hard to think positively, but it's really hard when you have so many bad feelings towards each other and a bad history to boot. As sad as I am that I won't have a steady job in a few weeks, it's almost worth it to get away from him. Awful, isn't it? I wish that things hadn't turned out that way...
I used my first Spanish pick-up line today. With much giggling.
I've been avoiding practicing recently and I'm not sure why, but I think mostly this weather has me feeling sluggish and I'm sort of in a slump since I haven't had my studio class in a few weeks due to cancellations, etc. Today was not just nice; it was hot, and almost muggy like North Carolina. I didn't even want to work out on the patio because I was sweating profusely under my long black uniform. It was too hot to go to the beach!
So I stayed in and watched Garden State instead. Now I remember why I own it - it's just such a quality movie, mainly because Natalie Portman is so awkward sometimes and profound at others and I relate to that. Or, at least I relate to the awkwardness and hope that I'm sometimes profound. Plus the characters are so deep and real and yet you don't need all kinds of background to know what they've gone through. It's just really really well-written.
My Spanish is coming along quite nicely and I've been complimented by both Alex (Colombian boy) and my roommate, Sylvia (from Seville). I mean, obviously I still talk like I'm 6 years old, but at least I can get my point across sometimes without reverting back to English. That's certainly a whole lot more than I could do when I got to California. I'm just impressed with myself for the initiation of such a task and such semi-dedication to following through with teaching myself. It certainly helps to have so many native speakers around.
Mother's Day is Sunday. I'm such a good daughter - I already got my card in the mail :) Alas, a card and a sweet note are all my Mom is going to get this year. Cheap, but heartfelt, and the beautiful thing about mothers is that love is generally all they want anyway.
I have only slept on the beach a select few times in my life, and I have to say that while each time I'm fairly miserable that night, I love the memory of such a random activity.
Last night I went out after working 7 hours at the restaurant to go salsa dancing with a girl from work and our busboy who happens to be from Columbia. Okay, let me clarify. He happens to be a hot Columbian boy that has beautiful long curly hair and a voice to die for. Lucky me. Then after leaving the club at some ungodly hour, we decided that we still weren't tired and so headed to the beach (not exactly three hours away like in NC) and stayed up talking until we fell asleep.
As an aside, my friend Amity that was the girl with us, lent me her Uggs. I'm a convert. I want some right now.
So even though I got absolutely no sleep except for the hour and a half that I got this morning in my own bed, I'm still thoroughly happy with my evening. However, I'm going to need the largest cup of coffee in the world to get me through this shift today.
For the past couple of weeks, I've had so much going on and so many big things to decide, that I've been stressed out every single day. But somehow, starting this week, I feel like I should be worried but there's nothing wrong. I have a cat on my lap, I worked all day, my car is running fine, and I can't do anything about moving at this particular moment.
I also find that I only blog when I have been drinking or am severely tired...
The former is true tonight, and it shows in my lack of posts in April that I rarely drink now. When I do, it's more like I got a free bottle of wine from work and need to drink it before it goes bad. Or I'm out celebrating.
Speaking of celebrating, May is my birthday month! I love May! May is Amy anagrammed. May is the month of Gemini and twins! May is graduation month and it's officially been a year since I've been in school. Weird... May is the beginning of summer, the end of spring, and a relaxing time. June is when things start to heat up, literally and figuratively. I've got a good feeling about May.
Oh, and I got a call from Geico today saying that my car insurance went down $100. That little gecko rocks!! It was like an early birthday present or something.
Hm, I guess that's all I have to say. My work week is just getting into full swing today and will not end until Sunday or Monday, but I've got a good schedule ahead of me. I'm hoping this month will fly by because I'm sooooo excited about being home for a week or so. I miss Charlotte and I miss Chapel Hill. I'm not sure if I'll get to visit CH, but I was just talking with my roommates about Franklin St. and Carrboro and all the great restaurants. And I watched Patch Adams last night and wanted so badly to see campus again for just a day.
Some percussionist from Cleveland friended me the other day and he knows two of my friends from high school, grew up in Raleigh, and is going to SFCM next year. Man, this world is small.
I am so excited to be moving to a new place that I can't stop thinking about it 24/7. I talk about San Francisco, I look it up online, I have planned out what restaurant I want to work in, and I am looking at beds and rooms to share on craigslist about 5 times a day. I have two more months... what is wrong with me??
The answer is that I'm so excited that i just can't contain it, but it's super frustrating when I'm not there to look at the housing or walk from block to block dropping my resume at super nice restaurants.
I got a new printer today as an early birthday gift from my parents. I'm stoked! I've been talking to it all night. Okay, not really, but I've been complimenting it on its beauty and its spectacular job of printing. Maybe I need to get out more.
My day off was amazing: got my car back from being fixed without having to pay anything, walked on the beach for an hour, bought my printer, got free Starbucks, watched a movie, and stayed up way later than I should have.
On a serious note: It just hit me how incredibly lucky I am to be going to grad school. I went to a perfect undergraduate school that was nearby and in-state and basically worry-free for me and my parents. Now I'm going to the school of my dreams and I'm still able to go. It's not like I got in and my parents said, 'Sorry, it's too expensive.' They just said, okay, we'll support you the whole way. So really I'm grateful that I get to go, but also that I have such amazing parents that have been there the whole time for me. Not everyone can say that and I'm so thankful that God has provided so much for me and given me the insight to really appreciate what I do have.
On a lighter note: Two groups on facebook that made me laugh out loud:
1.I Get Excited When My Blinkers in the Car are in Tempo with the Song I'm Listening To
2. You Know You're Screwed when the Paper Clip in Microsoft Word Starts Yawning.
Either one is keeping me up right now when I've already gone through two days of 10 hour shifts. I go to work at Ann Taylor and run around and then I get a 2 hour break and I run around the restaurant for another 6 or 7 hours. It's lots of fun.
My manager at the restaurant not only has the best memory of anyone I know, she's also incredibly perceptive. She took one look at me this afternoon and said, 'I'm sending you home early. You're exhausted.' And I was. But then one of my kind co-workers brought me an iced coffee. And I lasted 6 more hours. And now I'm sitting in bed at midnight, after furiously cleaning my room when I got home at 11:30, and I can't sleep. Oh, I'm sure it'll hit me in about 10 minutes.
And now for random musings:
-If anyone knows of any good scholarships for musicians, graduate students, or poor people, please let me know. Because I will be all three in about 4 months. Sadly, a lot of the deadlines have already passed and I've filled out so many gosh-darn applications already this year I'm dreading having to do more, plus write even more essays when I'm not even in school. But for a couple thousand dollars? I'll make myself.
-I love my new car. Except when gas is $3.33 a gallon. Then I love my car and hate California. Except I really don't hate California, just the gas prices in California. I've heard it might go up to over $4 by the summer!! eek!!!
-I ate a lot of desserts today because we had a dessert buffet at work. Now my stomach hates me and I had to repeatedly tell myself out loud that just because there were plates in the back full of sweet things, didn't mean that I had to eat them. It was quite the struggle.
I'm not currently doing laundry, but have needed to for the past week or so. Grooooosssss.
Actually, laundry is just one of the things on my long list of stuff to do in the next, oh, four months. I couldn't sleep last night until I had made a timeline for myself of everything that needs to get done before and right when I move to San Francisco. What with moving to one of the most expensive places to live, it's easy to get a little nervous. But then I look out my window, and see the gorgeous view that I have, and I realize that I've been looked after pretty well.
We all have that routine of websites that we go through every time we're online. Lately, I've been going to www.sfcm.edu every five minutes. Well, that's an exaggeration, but you should take a look at where I'm going next year! :D
Wow - it's been a long time since I've posted.
Well, I'll start with the 3 wishes game. I would wish for:
1. the ability to speak 4 languages fluently
2. stable religious beliefs that displayed themselves in the way I live my life
3. a gold flute
I've been going non-stop for the past week or so with my jobs and trying to buy a car (ah, being an adult yet again). The bottom line is that I bought a car - a really cute '97 Volvo - and then went on a Christian Science spiritual seminar weekend that has put everything in my life in perspective.
I'm being really cautious about getting on an emotional high and then falling really fast, so I'm trying to let what I learned from this weekend just make subtle changes in my life, ones that last. I was feeling so disconnected from God for the past year that being in a place with people that not only love God a lot, but they're incredibly dedicated to a religion that, to me, requires a lot of strength and conviction that I almost pushed away from them too. I might not have stood up and told everyone what good the conference had done for me, but I did it in my own way and I think that each person has a different way of reacting to spiritual growth. My journey is just beginning again and I'm not ready to share it with the world - haha except for my blog I guess.
In conclusion: good weekend, have a car (need car insurance), must practice a lot, still haven't gotten acceptance letter (what is taking so long???? did they change their mind??), and generally feeling good about life despite the stress I should be feeling.
A plus, Later, and Hasta luego.
Echoing Megan....
I have something big to celebrate.
I got into my dream school, the San Francisco Conservatory. I just found out this afternoon.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's all I really can say about the whole thing. It's just now setting in that something that I've worked for for two years has actually come true. And I'll be living in San Francisco. How much cooler can life get right now?
I'm tired, elated, amazed at how much makeup costs (I shopped at MAC between my 15 hour work day), and completely awe-struck at the huge thing that has just happened to me. More later.
Wow, it's amazing what a few hours to myself will do to clear up a bad mood. I was on the verge of a breakdown yesterday and have been crying every day for a solid week and was about to be pushed over the edge, but I got off work, modeled for a photo shoot, won a contest, ate out, and took a bath. Then I finished off a pint of ice cream. It was probably the best few hours that I've had in quite a while.
Today everything is going sooo much better and I'm excited about all the new stuff we have at AT that I can buy for concert wear. I figure this stuff that I'm getting now will last me a long time. And black can be worn anywhere...
I gave the car away yesterday and am fortunately borrowing my roommate's or I would be going crazy. Life is going on and there are a lot of decisions to be made, but I'm just taking it one hour at a time now.
I found out a couple of days ago that my restaurant is closing down in May and I'm not sure where I'm gonna go from there or when I'm going to need to search for a new job - I'd like to stay until the final day, but three jobs at once would be quite a lot to handle. However, there's a really really nice French restaurant called Bouchon that I feel would be perfect for me. French customers? No problem! I'll just bust out the rusty second language! I would be in seventh heaven.
Well, not all of life's problems are solved. But, I've started reading a book called Eat, Love, Pray by Elisabeth Gibson and it's really really good. In fact, I want her life. Or something close to it. Without all of the divorce and love affairs. Okay, so really I just want to travel like she does in the book.
I just went and spent a load of money on clothes at Ann Taylor because I have a discount there and somehow that makes it okay to buy more than I normally would... which is just lousy reasoning, but there you have it. Plus, I had a birthday party to go to tonight. That's two good reasons. bah- whatever.
It is getting warmer here in California and soon I will have to make big adult decisions like do I want to buy or lease a car and which insurance company do I want to go with. I also just got a credit card (with Ann Taylor) and it's been hard to keep myself from just swiping that little piece of plastic. Fortunately, I think I've been trained well enough to only spend what I have or what I know I will have when the bill comes.
I really need to go practice.
Today the gloominess of the weather is reflecting how I feel about this month and how dazed I feel.
Two random events have taken the lives of two other people that I am somehow connected to.
The first, Chiara Levin, was a girl that I studied abroad in France with just two years ago. She was stunningly beautiful and had it all going for her. She was trilingual and could be friends with anybody. I wasn't close to her, but there were many in my group that were. She was in Boston visiting family and friends and was caught in the cross-fire of gang-related violence. She was in the most dangerous part of town and with two guy friends as well as two that she had just met that night. Stupid, to put yourself in that situation? Sure. But do we all do it at one time or another? Of course. We never think that the outcome will be sudden death.
The second is Jason Ray, the guy that sported the costume of Ramses for UNC basketball games. I didn't know him, but I saw him around campus and in Intervarsity, and again know people that knew him quite well. Hit off the side of the highway. Freak accident. And who knows when it can happen again?
Both of these young people's families are devastated and will have their lives altered forever. And they were both my age. Sorta puts a whole new perspective on life and the people that I care about. I'm protected now from feeling the misery that their friends must feel, but for how long? And is it useful to even wonder about things like this, or do I praise God that I am living and dwell on that fact instead?
All of this, plus still dealing with Ross being gone has put me in a very introspective, gloomy mood. And that no one picks up the phone any more so I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
... is pretty much all I'm feeling this week.
Issues with my car haven't been resolved, but I found one really nice place that is willing to do some stuff without much money involved.
I've heard from both USC and San Fran. and have been placed on both of their wait lists. I shouldn't despair, because a wait list is infinitely better than an outright rejection, but geez couldn't I get an acceptance letter for once in my life???!? Seriously. I honestly don't think that's too much to ask, but apparently it is.
USC I don't really think will pan out and SF I'll just have to wait and see. I'm #1 on San Fran's list and anything could happen, in addition to nothing. Sooooo basically, there isn't any end to the waiting until July, theoretically.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have an excellent option here, I could get paid to go to school, and that there are worse places to live than Santa Barbara. But that doesn't help the initial pang of hurt I feel when I feel like I've been rejected for the second time, only this time I'm so close that everyone thinks I almost could have gotten in. Almost is so much worse than straight out rejection, and yet so completely helpful in reaffirming the fact that I do belong in the world of music despite how much I've had to struggle. I swing intermittenly between deep feelings of shattered pride and intense hope that all is not lost and that I still have a lot to offer.
Well, I haven't heard from my last school, but I honestly didn't think it went well, so I'm not expecting much. Oh Eastman, why must you always be my last hope??
Despite the fact that I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (let me say, that is the earliest I've had to get up in a looooong time), I can't sleep. Wow, I just realized the song I'm listening to is "Sleeping In" by the Postal Service.
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in...
How depressingly ironic.
I think I just have a lot on my mind, so I thought I would use this as a dumping spot. Blogs seem to be much less of a focus among me and my friends recently, so this is merely a way for me to vent, I suppose.
Random thoughts in no particular order:
- I just got word from my top choice school, San Francisco Conservatory that I'm 1st on the waiting list. To be 4th out of 50-some people is an achievement and I'm super happy that it's not an outright rejection. However, I'm so close that it's almost worse. Now I have to be in more suspense because you never know who's going to accept the spot and who's not. But, I'm next should one of the three decide not to go there! I'm pulled in all directions patience, impatience, contentment, and disappointment. But honestly, everything's so up in the air that the bad feelings don't last long and it's usually the patience and contentment that win out.
- I have to work from 8 to 12 tomorrow in the morning. Then I have the whole day free. It's gonna be really weird. Oh, and this whole two job thing is getting old quickly.
- I'm super stressed about giving my car back in two weeks and getting estimates to get the dent I made in it fixed. Anything in Cali is expensive, and cars even more so, and that's what worries me. I'm getting a full check-up done on it tomorrow, so at least I have one good point going for me before they get back. Plus, I'm of course going to get a car wash and clean it all out. Still, the dent and the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do once I give it back on April 1 are gnawing at me. Living here almost requires the use of a car, despite all of the walking that I've been doing recently.
- I just finished A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and loved it. Now I'm steadily working on Mansfield Park and am slightly depressed at how similar Fanny and I seem to be in several respects. Although I'm nowhere near as self-conscious or shy as she. But I'm definitely involved in the story after days of reading one or two chapters and managed to read about 150 pages in one sitting and tore myself away only because I thought I was tired. Now I'm holding off because I want something to do when I'm waiting for my car tomorrow.
- I've become that 'guy' that watches the television in our bar at work every five minutes to check up on the basketball game. In fact, I was worse than most of the guys that I work with. With this whole having a bracket thing, I've become helplessly competitive against both myself and the world of Facebook. I'm actually doing pretty well, if I do say so myself. I haven't lost hope that my boys will make it to the championship, but I am completely bummed that I'm working the night that they play USC and since the west coast is behind, it's prime dinner time when they start playing. boooooo.