Confidence

I've found that being a graduate student at a good school has been a two-edged sword. I'm surrounded by people that are good at what they do and so I feel like I fit in somehow. It's an elite group that I'm allowed to be a part of and that inspires me to be my best. At the same time, I'm constantly intimidated by all of these other musicians that I compare myself to and feel like I'm not worthy to be on the same level as them.

I've always had confidence issues and they're getting worked out now, slowly but surely. The side of me that is inspired and sure about my abilities is winning out over the person who thinks she's just second-best.

I had a really, really great rehearsal with my (free!) accompanist tonight and everything just clicked. I have to play in studio for the first time on Monday in front of all the other flutists and I feel like it's the one time when they don't know what to expect and that I have all of these things to live up to. After playing with the piano though, it's easy to just get lost in the music and not worry about what someone else is thinking. I'm just hoping I can retain that when I'm being judged by my peers and can just play for me, without any comparisons.