the future?

One of the guys that I work with is fairly new along with me.
He's really cute and is older without really looking it - he's 29 and is a computer graphics designer. Last night he casually threw into the conversation the fact that he's been married before and it lasted 6 years.... At first, I was thrown off by the fact that this boy that I've been interested in has been married. Then I was thrown off by the fact that this was so casually said by him. It was definitely one of those times when you really want to know more but you obviously can't ask the one question that everyone wants to ask, "what went wrong?"

Finally, I was thrown off by the fact that he's 29 - which means that he got married when he was around my age or a little later and now is divorced. What a scary thought! Thankfully I had lost interest in him before last night or else I would have been worried that something like this would have completely turned me off. But would that be such a bad thing? I guess it just intimidates me that there are people in the world my age that have lived what seems like much fuller lives. But maybe they've had to grow up too fast and are now wishing that they had taken a year or two off.

When I was talking to one of my friends on the phone the other day, I came to the realization that a year off for me should be exactly that - a year off. I shouldn't be worried about trying to live my life exactly like I did in North Carolina because 1. I was a student there and 2. I'm in a new place experiencing new things. I had been beating myself up for relaxing and not being on the go all the time, but I'm learning that sometimes you just gotta take a step back and enjoy what's thrown in your path.

The only big regret that I have right now is that I'm not in a very spiritually uplifting place in church or with the friends that I've made so far. I didn't think that I would miss it this much, but I do and now I'm not sure how to get it back.

wow - 2 posts in one day. I told you I have too much free time some days. It's also because I'm avoiding packing... *shh* don't tell.

I have adopted from Christa the habit of not titleing my blog entries and I sorta like it. Mainly just because I'm too lazy or uncreative enough to think of titles.

Anyway, I'm just now realizing that I need to get into high gear for these next few days because I'm leaving for Cincinnati very soon and when I get back I'm supposed to move out of my apartment! So today after working lunch and practicing, I have to start putting all my crap back into boxes and luggage. Bleh... I hate moving, but at least I have somewhere to move to.

I have a lesson and work tomorrow and then work again on Wednesday and somehow I'm getting down to LA on Wednesday evening. I love being busy :) It just means that I really shouldn't have gone grocery shopping last night because I won't be around to eat meals. My apartment is really empty right now - I guess a lot of the girls went home for Labor Day, so right now it's just me and my roommate and then after I leave, it'll be just her for a couple days! Lucky girl.

Hm, not much to report. I might be internet-less for a couple weeks or more. I have no idea what the computer situation is at this place I'm staying, but since it's an older lady who doesn't own a cell phone, I'm thinking the outlook is not so good (now I feel like an 8 ball). We'll see. I might go crazy with no internet since I'm used to checking Craig's List pretty much every hour for new housing ads.

Okay, I might not be homeless when I get back from Cincinnati. This lady that's a client of my uncle's lives here in Santa Barbara in a SWEET house and she said she would be willing to let me rent out her guest room for a month or two while I find housing. I actually feel really great about it since she would be giving me a good deal and I would be living close to work and would have a car. So we'll see how it all works out. Already after my conversation with her I feel a whole lot less stressed out.

Friday night at work was painful. We normally make over $200 each and are so busy that it's 10:00 before you know it. Last night we had 5 waiters on staff and about 10 reservations for the whole night. That's not enough for a Friday night... and not many people were walk-ins. So I got sent home at 9 - bleh. Oh well, I've been having some really good shifts besides that.

I'm not the kind of person who gets a whole lot of phone calls, but today three of my good friends called me all in succession! It was a great phone day.

Oh and random - one of the ladies that I was going to room with gave me the number of this girl from NC who is also moving out here and will be a grad student at UCSB. We talked today and we discovered that we both just graduated from Carolina. She was an art history major there and she knows some of my friends from high school. What a small world!

I met a boy that I can spend hours talking to and that I have good chemisty with. Is he from Santa Barbara? no. Have I spend more than one day with him? no. Will I? Well, he doesn't even know if he's going to move here. Life is so darn ironic it kills me.

I have nowhere to live and I'm moving out of my current place in a little over a week!!!!!!


augh!!!!

(I will trust... I will trust...)

I just learned yesterday how to ride a bike with a surfboard under one arm. I looked like a true California surfer girl. hehe.

I just had one of the most awkward encounters of my life. It was the awkward turtle and salmon combined. I'm sad that it's 3 in the morning on the east coast because I need someone to sympathize with me.

a sad story

Tonight I was so busy at work that I had no time to appreciate the beautiful 4 month old girl twins that were at my table. I worked a party of 22, a party of 8, and three other tables in one evening. Phew! But I made over $200 in one night. Booyah!!

a blog slump

I think my blog and I go through rollercoaster times just like all my other relationships. Right now we're in a slump. Blog, I have nothing to say to you. This is probably a good thing because it means that things are going pretty okay right now. I think it also means that I'm being more social and actually having real people to talk to, not just my imaginary throngs that drool over every word that I type.

I wonder how many blog stalkers I have......?? You know who I'm talking about. The ones that haven't talked to me in forever but happened to see my link on facebook and read it just because they're bored and it's something to do online. Not that I've ever been that person... I mean... well okay let's just be honest, I have been that person and it's okay.

Randomly, I would like to make a note about college and the life after. When you're in college you're in complete denial about the real world and you pretty much hang on for dear life for as long as possible afterward hoping that the real world is just a myth. But now I can feel the college memories becoming just that, fabulous memories that are a wonderful era in my life. I'm happy with the friendships that I've kept so far and it's not that scary to start a new chapter in life. I'm not even that concerned that I don't have a new best friend to do everything with here because I'm sorta enjoying meeting new people from week to week.

I have to say that the irony abounds in that as my dear friend Megan is becoming more and more emotional (not in a bad way) when it comes to relationships, I'm becoming more detached (also not in a bad way). By detached I simply mean a whole lot less clingy. And those of you that know me really well know that I'm quite the clinger (or at least I used to be). I wasn't capable of liking a guy without getting attached and now I just don't feel that. It's strange, but very freeing. Hm I'm really not sure what else to say on this subject even though I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of this internal change. Whatever is happening, it's still unfolding and becoming a new part of who I am.

Okay well apparently once I start typing, I just can't stop. So much for my blog slump. Yay updates!

the last word

All I have left to say on this subject is that I really am sick of flings and want a real relationship. Is that too much to ask for??

no fair

Well, as I told Megan I had already decided to break it off w/ fling boy. But now that he hasn't called me, I don't have the satisfaction of being the one to make the decision. Now it makes me like him even less. Grrrrr

frustrated

I have no time to do laundry, practice, or go grocery shopping. I am eating out every night because I have no groceries and no time and am gaining weight like crazy. And I'm exhausted and so have no energy to do said activities even if I have a few free hours.

I feel like screaming, but I think I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed instead.

It's been a while

So it's been over a week since I've posted and accordingly there are lots of things going on in my life. I'm seeing a boy, but it's nothing serious and I really have no idea where it's going. That's the end of that story....

Yesterday I just got back from 3 days in Santa Monica with my aunt, uncle and cousin and it was such a great break. I just hung out with them and ran around with them doing their daily errands, but it was fun for me. We spent a good hour at the Santa Monica outdoor market where my aunt gets all her groceries and you stop at one stall for your fish and one for your peaches, and one for your herbs, etc. It was like being in Europe again!

We also took a trip to the Disney concert hall that was just built a couple years ago for the LA Philharmonic and it's AMAZING. The outside is curved metal that looks like billowing sails and yet it surprisingly fits into the feel of downtown L.A. I take back anything bad that I said about Los Angeles - I really really like it and would love to be a part of the Philharmonic one day - if only just to be able to play in that concert hall. Oh man there are just so many nooks and crannies in that beautiful building including an outdoor, roof-top garden that are just breathtaking.

I haven't practiced in days and my right ring finger hurts a lot - I hope that it can get worked out soon. Speaking of work, I got off the train yesterday and went to work, for 6 hours and have to go in this afternoon for a wedding and then have to go in on Sunday for 8 hours for a catering event that's off site. At least I'm making good money!!

Interesting how the longer it has been since you've posted the more you want to say, but the less it actually comes out. Oh well, this is a good enough update for now...

So tired

This is the first time that I've been able to sit down and relax in the past couple days and it feels wonderful. Being new at a job is stressful no matter what it is, but then when you throw in the fact that I'm supposed to be training and yet I'm taking sections all by myself in very busy moments, it becomes even more stressful.

On top of all of this, for some reason I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I went to bed at 11:30 and didn't fall asleep until 5. Sucko. I guess I just had a lot on my mind.

However, there are some very good things that have happened over the past few days:
- I got to meet one of the most famous flutists of our times, Jeanne Baxtresser, and she was genuinely interested in knowing who I was.
- I went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and spent an hour and a half exploring their exhibit on new Chinese photographs and video art. It was sooooo cool!!
- I discovered that SB has a coffee shop called the Daily Grind that is amazing and much larger than its counterpart in Chapel Hill. And a cute guy works there. And the coffee is cheap....
- I was supposed to have a surfing lesson today, but it has been postponed b/c there is pollution in the water. (The lesson, not the pollution is the good part of that sentence)

I'm exhausted and this weekend in this huge Spanish festival called Fiesta (creative, I know) that will sap the remaining energy from me, so I go to take a nap.