A lovely night

Well last night was probably the best night I'll have this week.

First, I got dressed to the nines and may I say, damn I looked hot. Proof:



















My roommate lent me her very chic wrap, so I had to get a full-length view too:
Sorry, it's sorta dark but hopefully you get the picture. hardy har har.
I felt very VIP as I flashed my Platinum Pass and they let me and my friend right in, where we waited for 30 minutes before the program even started. Oh well, it's the concept of being able to get right in that counts, right?

The program was cool (but no screening of Dreamgirls since this guy, Bill Condon, was being honored for his life's work basically.) There were film montages and an interview for about an hour w/ the director. I didn't know it, but he also did Gods and Monsters, Chicago, and a movie I hadn't heard about but really want to see now, Kinsey with Liam Neeson. It was neat to see the array of genres he has worked in and get to hear his insights as an up-and-coming director, but someone that hasn't hit full stardom yet.

Two of the Dreamgirls (the other two besides Beyonce) gave him the award and both were featured in some clips. Um, if you haven't heard Jennifer Hudson's voice yet, go out and see the movie. I'll be right behind you. Her voice is INCREDIBLE. We're talking blowtheroofoff, mirrorshatteringinagoodway amazing. She's the one that was voted off American Idol and is sure showing them who's boss.

This is the three of them. Sorry, guys, I'm a little star happy.














Then came the after party. Of course no one famous was there b/c I'm sure they were at some super secret after party, but I am not one to pass up free drinks and food. Again, I was waved in with my pass as I made my way up the red carpet (probably the only one I'll ever walk on, haha). Once inside, I was bombarded with delicious food and an open bar. Can life get better? Apparently it could. As we were walking around, we discovered a third level to the venue and suddenly we were in a paradise of desserts and free massages. Oh, that wasn't it though - oh no - there were also free products to just take at will. So I loaded up on shea butter that smelled of pina colada and lotion that smelled of pink champagne (not really, it was sorta flowery).

You know when you go get a manicure and the best part is the hand massage? Well, that's what I got for 5 minutes. haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Feeling relaxed, full, and happy, my friend Patty and I felt like it was completely appropriate to duck out at 12:15. I went to bed a pampered girl. I like this treatment, but I think I could get sick of it after a while, or at least grow to not appreciate it as much.

Dreamgirls

I'm on a blogging roll - I guess I just have a lot to say recently.

Well my news for today is that my manager decided to give me not only a 4 Film Pak to see 4 movies at the Film Festival, but she also gave me her two Platinum Passes to go to an awards show tonight. The show is honoring Bill Condon, the director of Dreamgirls (which I haven't seen - I hope they have a showing before they give him the award). So I'm going w/ one of my friends here and we get priority admittance as well as admittance to the party afterward w/ free booze and food.

SWEET ACTION!!!

I'm sure I will have much to share tomorrow.

Mrs. Dalloway

On days like today when it is nasty, wet, and cold, the only appropriate thing to do is stay inside and read by the fireplace and watch movies.

I did most of the above, but since I am too lazy and poor, there was no fireplace, or at least no fire in the fireplace.


Book You Should Read
The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seilerstad

Wow - if you want a really good look at everyday life in Afghanistan, but can't handle straight up news like me, this is a good start. It's written as 'fiction,' but it's actually completely non-fiction and it's so interesting to read about a completely different culture and their sets of morals and social world. Talk about realizing how lucky we are as women in America and how amazing it is that we actually get to marry people that we love, and on our own time. Can you imagine marrying someone the age of your grandfather and being expected to feel blessed?
What I like in particular about this book is that it doesn't try to isolate all the differences between 'them' and 'us.' It just naturally shows them by telling stories of everyday events.

(As a side note, I really love this whole not having school and having all the free time in the world to read books that I've wanted to read for a long time. By reading the 'classics' I feel academic and by reading them on my own time, I feel indulgent.)

Movie You Should See
The Hours, with Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman.

Not only are those three women some of the most talented actress I know, but they're surrounded by an amazing cast. I've stated previously that I love movies that follow real time and this is another wonderful example. It just follows three women in three different decades through one day in their life and they're all connected and all almost simultaneous. The symbolism is so poignant and yet subtle at the same time and some expected outcomes and some unexpected.
Philip Glass did the score and I have to say that the music really completed the movie - constantly shifting, but keeping the same undertone and always a little uncomfortable, like you're feeling the uncertainty of each of the women even though they have such a perfect facade. (Incidentally, I think he was also listening to a little too much Counting Crows because I distinctly heard the opening of "Colorblind" at several points.)
Can I go back to how amazing the acting was? Nicole Kidman was a completely different person! Her voice was deeper, not so silky, and she fit perfectly every single aspect of her character. Meryl Streep has proven again and again that she can fill any role given to her and this was no exception. Julianne Moore had probably the hardest role because she never spoke her thoughts - so she had to show everything on her face and yet we knew exactly how she was feeling and the agony that she was going through. Ed Harris and Toni Collette had shorter roles, but no less deep and in fact might have been more complicated because they had to convey so much emotion in such a short amount of time.
The only thing I didn't really get was the whole lesbian theme. I mean I got that it was a theme, but I didn't understand the connection. Perhaps they all didn't feel like they fit in and felt conflicted because they were torn between two worlds in so many different ways?

This definitely needs to stay in my movie collection. I have a feeling I could see it over and over and still get so much out of it.

Girl Meets Boy Meets World

That was my semi-coma induced attempt at a relevant and witty blog title.

I can't believe that 14 hours ago I was in an audition in L.A. - this day has got to be one of the longest in history.

So, really quickly: I drove from L.A. today to go to work at 4:30. Right now Santa Barbara is in the middle of an International film festival with some big names. I thought that there's likelihood that I will see someone famous and should look good at all times when working. Of course, I was so tired that I didn't really care tonight and just threw something together. And wouldn't you know it, but I waited on Rider Strong and his girl date. (For those of you not in the know, Rider Strong played Shawn in 157 episodes of Boy Meets World and yes I did look that up on IMDB.)

Shawn was the guy that every middle school girl had a crush on and Corey was just the cute boy next door. I had a major crush on Shawn and like to watch the high school episodes more just b/c he's at least dateable at that age instead of a little 13-year-old. Fortunately for me, Rider is too short for me to want to date, you know, because I'm sure he now wants to ditch his date and come back to the restaurant looking for my tore-up self.

So that's my little brush with celebrity. Woo hoo. I can even tell you what they ordered... haha.

I just like that about two months ago that other guy came in from the show - it's like they abound in Santa Barbara or something. Anyway. It was my highlight of the evening.

Oh, and I changed my blog again. Christa was right - it was too green before. I think I like it better this way, but don't be surprised if it changes again.

Comments?

I felt like my blog needed a makeover. Like it? There were wayyyy too many choices of colors and stuff on the template. It was like being in the Cheesecake Factory and trying to decide which flavor to have - near impossible.

Headed south

Well, I'm on my way to L.A. this morning. I just had to post because the trip is already off to a good start.

Yesterday was amazing. I:

• got off work incredibly early
  
• ate at a cheap and delicious Indian buffet (haven't gone since Chapel Hill, seriously) with my friend Hilary
• talked on the phone for an hour with someone I love
• wrote my final cadenza
• had quality roommate time
• had a whole conversation in Spanish with the sous chef

Today I:

• got up early
• will make myself some tea before leaving
• found that people have commented on my posts after all!!! I just had to 'moderate' them, which I had no idea I had to do. So now I've fixed it so that I can see them right away, but it was like Christmas because I had 14 comments from all you lovely people in one sitting. It was fabulous.
  

Social status

My social life has been nil recently. My days have been 'practice, practice, go listen to music or play for someone, work, yoga' in some order. And actually because of yoga, sometimes 'eat' doesn't get in there b/c you're not allowed to eat for three hours before the class. I feel like I've been fasting for days, since I'm so used to being able to eat whenever I want to.

So I'm taking off time from yoga because I want my body to feel normal again - I want to crave food, I want to not be sore, I want to not be insanely tired every day, and I want to sleep and eat normally.

But back to the social thing: I'm a very social person - I've been getting home and hanging out with my roommates just because I need someone to talk to at the end of the day. I haven't seen any of my friends this week, our schedules always collide which sucks. (Oh, and the boy and I are over. If you really want details, you can call me.) Actually, you can call me anyway because I need to talk to lots of people over the next couple days because 1. I will be driving for 2 hours down to L.A. and back again, 2. I'll need to hear some friendly voices before my audition on Saturday, and 3. I haven't talked to any of you in so long! But we both know that I will probably end up calling you (collectively) because I am almost always the initiator. It's okay - I like it most of the time.

I'm blogging right now solely because I ate way too much for lunch and I can't move a single step from my bed just yet.

I've tried this new thing called bikram yoga - it's yoga done in a room that's like 110 degrees and by the end of it, you've drunk an entire bottle of water simply because you had to to replace all the water you lost sweating. It's super intense. I think I like it because every day is a new challenge for me, like today I got there and was just not into it because I was so tired, so it took a lot of concentration just to stay focused on each move. Also, a lot of the positions are really uncomfortable, which is sort of the opposite of what most people think of when they think yoga, but the instructor said that this just means that my body is getting stronger. So I just paid for an introductory period and then I can decide if I like it enough to drop my gym and just do this.

I played in studio last night for the last time before my audition this weekend and it went so much better than last week (thankfully). I feel almost ready and I've certainly been working on the 'mental games' aspect doing everything I can to just center my thoughts and really concentrate on why going through this process again. It really comes down to the fact that I love music with my whole being and nothing gives me more joy. It's been really interesting to see the results when I simply think about the word 'joy' when I play. No kidding - it has made a world of a difference, I think because it gives me the confidence and reminds me why I love to play.

Okay, I think the food has settled now.

Growing gains

I take joy in the really simple things in life. Things that I feel some people just take for granted, like it just never occurs to them to be happy about.

This week, I made a breakthrough in two parts of my life (in very miniscule ways) that proved to me that I've officially flown the nest. One was making a dish from scratch just the way I wanted to make it - I altered the recipe according to what I liked or didn't like and no one else had to eat it. Silly, I know, but it made a world of a difference to me. At my house, my mom has cooked and I've had to pick out those vicious mushrooms or gag on them in my attempts to make peace with them. But victory was mine as I prepared a spinach lasagna with no mushrooms and no ricotta cheese (I've always wondered what lasagna would be like without the gross ricotta cheese). My little experiment turned out marvelously and I plan to follow it with many more.

The second occured tonight when I couldn't sleep and decided to get up and do something productive instead of lying still wondering when I would drift off. To some this is a very normal practice, but in my childhood, everyone went to bed and no one got up in the middle of the night so I just assumed that's how things were and you would fall asleep eventually. Ah, but the joys of having my own place and not worrying about disturbing anyone should I not be able to sleep! Being up and typing away and just having extra time to think has been so amazing that I won't even feel grumpy when I have to wake up at 8:30 to go to yoga. Plus, I'm going to yoga. We're not talking anything strenuous here.

On another note, I'm getting really nervous about my auditions coming up. I've been coming up with all sorts of things that I can do to get ready, one of which being to play in front of as many people as possible in the next few days. The other is to ask for the prayer of any and all that read my blog. I got a fun little note the other day letting me know that more people read this than I thought. You would never know it from the lack of comments ;) hehe. But getting back to the prayer thing: I am working on having self-confidence and the ability to show my passion, love, and joy of music to the people that I have to play for. Because when it comes down to it, that's why I do what I do and I let these auditions get in the way mentally of the real reason sometimes. So any support in that endeavor is greatly appreciated.

News

I just heard from the one school that I sent a preliminary tape to in Houston and I didn't get to the live audition. This makes me completely heartbroken and wholly determined at the same time. I vascilate between the two almost every other minute.

I'm just having flashbacks to last spring and I really really don't want that to happen again. I lost my faith in God, myself, and the world of music for a while and it took a whole year to get most of that back.

How's that for honesty?

It was the best of intentions, it was the worst of intentions

For some reason, I've only posted recently when I've been feeling insecure or depressed. Probably because when I feel like this way, at least someone's listening to me, even if it's not like callinga friend up and venting.

Today I was supposed to go out with the boy again and he hadn't called by the afternoon so I said screw it, I'm not going to wait by the telephone and called someone from work that I knew was sick and had to work that night and asked if he wanted me to fill in for him. I told myself that by going in I could 1. earn money, 2. flirt with the cute bartender, 3. help out a sick friend, and 4. show someone that they couldn't just call me whenever. Well.

I made no money, the bartender flirted with the other waitress the whole night, I felt lousy, and no one ever called. My intentions were somewhat good for helping out my friend, but I knew as well as you that that wasn't the main reason that I went into work and I got screwed for it.

Now I'm sitting at home, alone at 9:30 at night and feeling depressed and lonely. Haha, this is beautiful California, folks. Actually, I'm sure the cold weather isn't helping much and I'm really just being moody, but it certainly hasn't been the best day.

And I have an important recital tomorrow. Well, I'll just make sure to wake up on the right side of the bed this time.

Monday blues

Yes, I know for the rest of the world today is Friday which is generally a day of rejoicing, but I've had a crazy schedule this week with one day on, one day off, so yesterday might as well have been my Sunday. I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today because I'm just feeling sad.

But, I have seen some great movies recently and they're all awesome for completely different reasons.

Movie A: Little Miss Sunshine
I was a little scared since it was hyped up so much, but it totally lived up to my expectations. Not only was the acting amazing, but the way that it was filmed was so original. I'm not sure I've ever seen a movie where they purposely don't show you the actors faces when they're having a conversation, but it was a really cool way to shoot it. Toni Collette rocks my world - she's one of those really versatile actresses that just takes whatever role she's given and put her whole self into it. The guy that played Dwayne was probably my second favorite, simply because he was so perfect as the angsty teenager. I also really liked the real time footage like at the beginning where they're all sitting down to dinner. It makes it feel like you're actually a part of the story as opposed to just seeing a series of events. Does that make sense? Anyway, I really liked it.

Movie B: Cars
What can I say? I love Pixar. Toy Story, Finding Nemo, the Incredibles are all on my list of favorites. I just think of how much time those creators put into making every second of film. Not to mention all of the little jokes that fly by if you're not catching them. Even the flies in this movie were cars and all of the towns had something to do with cars or roads. You would forget for a second that these were cars with no limbs or opposable thumbs or faces really. Makes you wonder how those lights get turned on an off... Okay, so the story was a little cheesy, but what do you expect from Disney? The animation and all the minute details in every single frame made it totally worth it.

Movie C: The Constant Gardener
I actually haven't finished this movie yet because I was exhausted last night and had to turn it off. But so far, the acting is incredible and it's so neat to see the film shot in a real village in Africa. I feel like other films take the 'best' parts of Africa and portray them as the slums. But the way this one is done makes it feel almost like a documentary. I'm getting a little lost in the dialogue, which is unfortunate since it's not the kind of movie that has a cut and dry plot. We'll see how the ending turns out.

In other news, I'm reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. SUCH a good book. I'm only about 200 pages into it, but I really like it. So if no one has started 100 years of Solitude, I suggest this one instead. The characters are so tangible and it's extremely well written. You have to like architecture or some sort of art form to feel the plight of the main character though.

Thoughts on salespeople

I just got back from a "meeting" with a Mary Kay consultant (aka my friend, Shivhan) and her regional manager. They tried so desperately to get me to join 'the team.' While I want to make extra money, here are the reasons why I just can't right now:

- I am living from paycheck to paycheck - I just don't have an extra $100 just lying around.
- I'm not a gambler. I can't put down $100 and hope that I'm going to get it back in the first couple sales that I make.
- I have some incredibly important auditions coming up. Like, they're sort of deciding the rest of my life. Gulp.
- Practicing, travelling, getting in shape, and working are consuming all of my time right now.

Okay. So I have this whole schpiel ready to give to them when I meet for coffee. Here's why I'll probably be a new consultant come March:

- I don't sell stuff unless I believe in it, and I really really like their products. They last a long time and they work. Enough said.
- I'm a pretty good sales person, when it comes down to it, but only if I believe in the products.
- I have a good network of girl friends and older professional women that I come into contact with every day. Plus I have the lovely people that read my blog that just might want to buy some makeup ;)
- I'm moving to a new city (hopefully) next fall and it would be a great way to meet new people.
- Those darn ladies are so persuasive.

No, but seriously, they're persuasive because they really believe in it and because they get a commission off of everything that I sell. Haha. And I'm going to have so much free time after my auditions that I'm not going to know what to do with myself. Why not make some extra money? So keep a look out for a new Mary Kay seller in a couple months :)

I'm going to go watch Little Miss Sunshine now (if Blockbuster has it) - I'm stoked since I've heard it's really good and I haven't had a chance to see it until now.

I hate it when I'm wrong.

But don't we all?

I hate it when I get excited about something a little too early and whatever plans I've made fall through. I hate it when I misjudge someone's reliability only to find out that they are a flaker, or worst of all when I don't see someone for the true friend they could be. Well, I'm working on it.

I truly believe that when I broadcast something new and exciting in my life before it has time to settle that it jinxes it. I'm not a superstitious person and I think usually it's a bunch of baloney, but this is my main motivation in not thinking about where I could be next year and getting excited about a certain city or school. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time.

Today in church I was really struck with the idea that there's no reason for me to be nervous about my auditions because wherever I end up is my right place, as much as I think that I don't want to be stuck here next year. I could never ever have forseen living in Santa Barbara this year and all the amazing stuff that would happen (my parents say that I will never get an apartment this good anywhere else I go ... I'll just have to prove them wrong ;) ). And to think that last March, I was sobbing because things didn't go my way. *Sigh* Trusting is alway such a hard lesson to learn.

Dropping like flies

Okay, I have to start with the self affirmation that I have plenty of time, no rush.

I just got a call from one of my friends from my study abroad program (Spring 2005, only 1 1/2 years ago) that is now engaged. I thought I could get used to this by now, but no, I was wrong. I mean, I'm totally happy for her, but literally when we were hanging out in France, she and I were on the same page with boys - we hadn't really dated seriously and weren't expecting anything in the near future. And now she's engaged. Gah!!

I have plenty of time, I have plenty of time, I'm only 21, I'm only 21.

I've found someone that calls when he says he will and is still taller than me (but not freakishly so) even when I wear my cute 4-inch-heeled boots. Financially stable and mid 20's. Even if this doesn't last too long, I'm a happy girl.

Today was my Saturday and I went for a great hike in the morning, chilled out and read books and visited with my roommate who's finally back (!), then went out for sushi and got a goodnight kiss. Does life get any better?

I think that pretty much sums it all up right now.

Estudio el espanol

My mom got me this "Learn Spanish in 10 minutes a Day" book and I love it. Of course I still can't understand the people in the kitchen, but at least I have some words that I can use now to talk to them. Like buenos dias... haha just kidding I knew that before the book.

Well my New Year's Eve was far from memorable, but it was fine and I made some money and the evening was far from stressful, so I guess that's all good. Somehow my body wanted to wake me up at 8 this morning even though I went to bed at 3. I should be on West coast time now and not sure why I'm not. Stupid internal clock.

I'm feeling very lethargic today and I think it's okay because nothing is open and no one is working, so it's a lay low day. Time to write thank you notes I guess; I always try to avoid them until the last minute but since I have some down time, it would be good to get them done.

The teacher from USC wrote me an email basically saying that he loved my playing, my plans for the future, my outlook on music, etc. and would like to work with me but he can't make any guarantees given that he has no idea who else is going to audition in a couple weeks. Fair enough, and still very exciting/encouraging! This is the guy that has told some people that they should pick a new career... haha.

Well now you know all of the mundane things on my mind. I'm going to stop wasting time in front of the computer.