Celebrity sighting of the month: T.R. Knight of Grey's Anatomy came into Williams Sonoma on Saturday. It's so true that the camera adds weight because he looked normal-skinny, not slightly baby-fat chubby like on the show. I said hi, he said hi back. woo. And no, he didn't buy anything. loser.
2:55 PM
It's days like today when the weather is beyond nasty that I really hate where I live.
This morning, it was pouring rain. But that's not all - oh no. The wind made it almost impossible to carry an umbrella because it would just turn it inside out and there was no point for an umbrella anyway because the rain was basically going sideways. So there I was, with an umbrella in hand (some habits are hard to break) a PAPER bag (what was I thinking???) full of my lunch and shoes to change into, and my school bag, walking 4 long blocks to the light rail station.
Of course, halfway there, my bag breaks, my lunch goes everywhere, my hair is a mess, my pants are plastered to my leg, and I can't carry my umbrella any more. Then my apple goes rolling down the street, I chase it only to find that I just barely missed the train and have to wait for the next one.
San Francisco won the fight this morning. Fortunately, I don't have to leave school until 10 pm and hopefully the rain will have let up a little by then.
10:24 PM
I'm reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and this passage really got me thinking about my perspective on my career as well as some other musicians that put everything else after music:
"[At the YMCA camp] they made a big ego thing out of the whole outdoor experience... It made the kids at camp much more enthusiastic and cooperative when they had ego goals to fulfill, I'm sure, but ultimately that kind of motivation is destructive. Any effort that has self-glorification as its final endpoint is bound to end in disaster"... "To the untrained eye ego-climbing and selfless climbing my appear identical. Both kinds of climbers place one foot in front of the other. Both breathe in and out at the same rate. Both stop when tired. Both go forward when rested. But what a difference! The ego-climber is like an instrument that's out of adjustment. He puts his foot down an instant too soon or too late. He's likely to miss a beautiful passage of sunlight through the trees. He goes on when the sloppiness of his step shows he's tired. He rest at odd times... He goes too fast or too slow for the conditions and when he talks his talk is forever about somewhere else, something else. He's here but he's not here. He rejects the here, is unhappy with it, wants to be farther up the trail but when he gets there will be just as unhappy because the it will be 'here.' What he's looking for, what he wants, is all around him, but he doesn't want that because it is all around him. Every step's an effort, both physically and spiritually, because he imagines his goal to be external and distant."
Sorry for the lengthy quote, but it just really hit me that I feel this way sometimes, that I'm never happy with where I am because I'm always looking in the future.
When is making goals okay and when is it more important to live in the present? I made a goal to get into conservatory, and now that I'm here I'm constantly comparing myself with my peers and feeling like I don't deserve to be here sometimes or that I'm way behind everyone else. Why can't I just be content with myself and the talent that I do have?
I'm not in a relationship and most of the time I want one, but when I do have a boyfriend/husband, will I want more? Will I always be wishing I could change this or that about the other person or second guessing myself?
Finally, and probably the most important question to be asking myself at this moment is, Why have I chosen music? Is it an ego-fulfillment thing, or do I really just want to do the most with the talent I've been given? Am I grateful for where it has gotten me so far?
As an aside, I really love the "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles that Tiff has on her blog. click here for the song. It's incredibly addictive and a good "female power" song.
10:07 PM
Today I slipped up. I've been doing a lot better about not letting the stupid things get to me and today I wrote (an email) before I thought and felt stupid at the sending of it. I guess it just means I'm human and I'm learning.
I'm a far cry from the crazy jealous friend I was in high school and beginning of college, but I still need to just go with the gut instinct that says 'leave it alone' instead of the emotional instinct that says 'react fast before you know better'.
It all comes down to the fact that I have too much time on my hands. I know, I know. I just can't win; either I'm too busy to function or I don't know what to do with all my free time. I wish there was a way to combine the two. Alas.
Well, school starts in 2 weeks and hopefully I'll find better ways to occupy my time than to spend 5 hours on Facebook a day. (Just kidding, I actually got a lot done today including a trip to Target, practcing, a 3 mile run, and dinner with friends).
12:42 PM
I had possibly the least exciting New Year's Eve in many, many years. My parents and I counted down the new year at 11:09 pm and then I stayed up and read until midnight. When everyone around our house made lots of noise for about 10 minutes and then fireworks went off for another 20 minutes after that, I was perturbed. Wow. What an old lady.
But you know what? It felt great! I didn't have any obligations and I didn't pretend to have an amazing time standing around outside freezing my tush off and proving that I know my numbers backwards as well as forwards.
I have truly enjoyed my time at home; I have been a complete vegetable and occasionally venture out into the real world, of course only to go shopping or meet up with friends. I have watched a movie every day and plan on watching another one today, or at the very least the basketball game (we're 13-0 right now! Go Heels!)
As soon as I get back to San Francisco tomorrow, the speed will be turned to medium-high and then come January 22, it'll be back to insanely fast. That's why I've had no problem whatsoever with all of the intense laziness. The other good thing about this vacation is that I really haven't stuffed myself silly with sweets and the like. Given, who would turn down seconds of home-cooked food? So I have a bit of pudge to work off, but nothing that has proven detrimental to my wardrobe.
Currently, I am "reading" 5 books although some more than others. I have The Time Traveler's Wife and Why Classical Music Still Matters on the front burners, with Running With Scissors, Love in the Time of Cholera, and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance on hold. The first one has me hooked and I've been reading 100 pages in a sitting, easily. The second is very philosophical - one of those books that you can only read 10 pages of before rereading and then mentally chewing it over before putting it down for a breather. I also read The Golden Compass in a few days and was intrigued enough to want to read the other two in the series.
Lastly, I have a new haircut that is not dissimilar to that of Posh Spice's aka Victoria Beckham. It's cute and fairly easy to take care of. Pictures to follow.
My mom and I watched a new version of Jane Eyre that the BBC did. If you like that story, then this is an amazing version, but it takes several liberties that I think work but are not true to the book. It's still 4 hours long, but worth it. I highly recommend it.
That's all for now.
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