Happy Fourth!

And happy last day in Santa Barbara to me. I'm trying my best to stay positive, like I'm going to go have a picnic up on the cliffs over the beach with my good friend, Amity, later. Then we're going to watch fireworks. It should be fun.

My room is all packed up but I have all this random crap that I need one more big box for that I don't actually have. I do like being able to just stuff everything in my car and go, it's definitely the best way to move. I'm really stoked about the drive up the coast, it's going to be beautiful.

Maybe my blog sounds static because I'm trying to listen to music and type at the same time. Maybe it's because I'm feeling a little dead inside right now. I need something (like a large, life-changing move?) to get me out of this funk.

As a little girl, I was never popular in school and never had close friends, which made me feel rejected. Now I do have close friends, but I make myself believe that's not enough and I feel awful when I'm rejected in one way or another by a boy. I wish that I could just slap myself up the head and be like, 'Stupid! Look what's around you! Look who does care for you! You have so many amazing people in your life!' I wonder if it would help, because no matter how many times I try to give myself an ego boost, nothing hurts more than silence or lies, which I've gotten a lot of in the past month.

*sigh* okay. I'm going to go make myself busy somehow.