I had some very random dreams last night: one involved a huge worm (see MIB II that I watched a couple of days ago) eating little by little a city that was built right over the ocean. I had to keep jumping from building to building. Then I had some friends visit and two were dating that I never would have expected. It was a little freaky.
It's so funny to me that I'm living in one of the most beautiful places on the west coast and I can only stand it for a few weeks at a time. I'm so excited to be leaving on Sunday!!
I get to see my parents the whole time I'm in San Francisco, which will make my audition/vacation even more fun, and then when I go to Eastman I get to see the fabulous Jennifer Smith (and her new boyfriend - I will be playing the 'you-need-to-gain-my-approval' friend).
On a similar note, Southwest is having a sale from LA to Denver for $79 one way... what thinkest thou, oh fellow red-headed kindred spirit?
I'm applying for a second job, but I'm in the middle of interviews and I don't want to say what it is in case I jinx it... but I will be really stoked if I get it.
I've been looking at cars, just because I will need one for three out of the five schools I've applied to and would really like to own my own car. The list includes:
Toyota RAV4
Toyota Corolla
Honda Civic
Mazda 3
I either want a cute little four-door that gets good MPG and is safe and reliable, or a mini-SUV of the same criteria. My dad really is pulling for the RAV4 just because it's higher up and supposedly safer that way. Toyota is supposed to be one of the best companies out there. I was looking at Ford Focus for a while, but no one puts it on their "best" lists. Sad/ironic that the ones that are are all foreign. But Toyota and Honda have done my family well, so I'll probably carry on the tradition.
All this means that when I drive up from LA next Saturday, I'm going to go test-driving!! I've never done that before! Another item to check off the "now I'm truly a grown-up" list.
With the discovery of Double Rainbow ice cream (sold in Trader Joe's - if you have one, go out right now and buy a whole pint of whatever flavor you want) and it's pure heavenly taste, along with my obsession with French, I thought this was appropriate:
| Your Icecream Flavour is... French Vanilla! |
 You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui! |
Find out at Go Quiz
This beautiful Sunday morning all I have done is finish a chick book that never fails to make me cry so that the words become blurry, watched a movie, made a breakfast scramble from scratch, and sip green tea listening to some feel-good songs on the radio.
Some days I wonder if all this sitting around is laziness and whether I've been wasting my time in California. Given, I have progressed very far in my musical studies, but I'm not the musician that spends hours upon hours in the practice room. So what have I done with all of my spare time?
But every time that I start to berate myself, I realize that life could hit me square in the face any time soon with school, a family, or a career that is just around the corner. And then I'll look back on this year as a time to really get to know myself, have time to focus on what I want out of life, and become a stronger person. I feel like I've grown so much over the past few months. I've had a lot of life experiences that I'm ashamed of, but that have made me a whole lot stronger in my convictions.
I've also found the difference between spending time with people just to be social and spending time with them because they are really quality. In college, I was so spoiled because everyone that I surrounded myself with were quality people that shared my interests and were willing to be silly, honest, and spontaneous. When you're not in a school setting, it's so much harder to find people like that and it's even harder to find time to spend with them because of conflicting work schedules and the like. But on reflection, I have found a very few people that I turn to in different moods and situations: One I can vent to and who talks with me about any life decision with honesty, one I could spend hours talking to just because we share so many similar interests and outlooks on life, and one shares my love of Carolina basketball and can share memories of our beloved Chapel Hill.
However, there is this little ache for the old times, the old friends that shows up from time to time.
I also yearn for someone to share my everyday life with. Little things like all of the amazing dishes that I'm learning to make from scratch with whatever I have in the kitchen. I feel so accomplished and want someone to revel in my cooking genius. I want to be able to share stories from work, the nice couple that gave me a sip of their wine, or the lady that complained about me for 10 minutes. I'm learning so much about myself that I'm ready to share it because I finally feel good about the decisions I make (mostly), have learned to like me and all my quirks, and am a little sick of being alone most of the time.
I honestly think I was born in the wrong time period - I needed to grow up in the 1930s or 40s when girls were getting married at 19 or 20. But then I wouldn't be able to play my flute and I probably would be a cooking, baby-making, and cleaning machine. Blech.
Today is my day off. I have never been so excited about a day since probably Christmastime.
During the past two days, I have been on my feet for 24 hours and have been at my restaurant for 22 of those hours. And the really ironic part is that out of my 4 shifts, last night was the easiest and most fun for me. I only had 4 tables in my section, which meant that I didn't have to rush around like crazy and actually got to converse with the people that were out for Valentine's Day. And everyone was super nice.
However, by the end of the night, I was so bone tired that I fell asleep instantly. Of course, the fact that I stayed up til 4 am talking and had a heavy sedative helped the situation.
So my Valentine's Day was quite pleasant - even though almost everyone that I work with has a sig. other, we all went out afterwards and just hung out together. It was a nice sense of comradeship. Honestly, it was just another day for me and I really didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
However, I did buy the cutest earrings for the occasion. They are long, dangly, red and white hearts and they look sweet with my all black. I got compliments all night ;)
I'm still a little groggy, so I don't have anything too intelligent or thought-provoking to post right now. Hurray for days off!!
After spending you-don't-want-to-know-how-long on this website, I felt the need to post the end result:
Me posing - as an M&M - in front of an ancient Mayan ruin in Belize, the country on the top of my to-visit list. I really wish I had shoes that color.
I am officially halfway through my auditions, with what is, in my mind, the two hardest left. But I have had very encouraging signs along the way that say that I am ready for whatever I may face in the next few weeks.
In my audition today, the professor echoed what the teacher at USC said, which was, in essence 'I think you're a good player and want to say that I will take you, but I can't commit since the auditions aren't over yet.' While this may sound flakey to anyone not in the music world, this is one of the biggest signs of encouragement. She even made sure that I knew she was serious because she added that she really doesn't like to say anything to candidates, but that I had "drastically improved." From either this summer or last year's audition, I'm not sure which.
Sorry, I'm not trying to toot my own horn. Au contraire, I'm trying to pump myself up for the two schools that would probably be my top two if I had to make a list of which I want to attend. But frankly, after being told most of my music life that I have potential but that I still need a lot of work, it's nice to actually have some of my work pay off.
I'm not counting any chickens yet though.
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As my reward, I went out and saw a movie by myself. Since I had gone to the awards show that honored him at SBIFF, I figured I should go see Dreamgirls that was directed by Bill Condon. I really liked it! Very well acted, and although I understand star status, Jennifer Hudson really should have been one of the first shown in the credits instead of being listed after all the major stars with much more insignificant roles. But, she wasn't an actress before, so I understand. Wow, she totally deserves all these awards she's getting. Can anyone tell me why she's supporting actress and Beyonce is lead actress? Is it because of name recognition? But honestly, everyone did a great job. Eddie Murphy wasn't Eddie Murphy for once. In fact, I'm not sure he had a single comedic line.
Oh, and I cried at the end (well, got choked up and slightly teary which is saying a lot for me), so that's a sign of a good movie, since I'm a rock normally.
As a side note, I saw a sign in a bookstore that said:
"Don't judge a book by it's movie."
I thought that was pretty clever.
Is it just me, or do the two seem to go hand in hand a lot more often nowadays? It's like either movies are made from books that were bestsellers only the year before, or books are written based on movies. I can't walk into Borders any more without seeing a whole section called "In the Movies."
Today marked the beginning of my mini-vacation and I'm very excited about the way that it has started out .
I finishe my lunch shift and ordered a chicken caeser salad which was exactly what I wanted. You know how important that is.
Then I came home and chilled out for a couple hours and then watched the Duke UNC game that was nerve-wracking and amazing all at once. We totally dominated in the second half and our comeback was so thrilling since the one and only time I ever watched a game was one of our three losses out of 23 games. My friend and I went to a bar and grabbed a drink to celebrate.
However.
The bar that we went to is known for making the stiffest drinks in town, and folks, I'm glad I love gin. Because that's basically all that was in my drink. With a touch of tonic and some lime juice. A good 6 oz. of gin. Yeah.
Then I went to my friend, Bri's party in her room for having finally cleaned it after 6 months. It looks beautiful. I had two very stiff White Russians and we "watched" Lost and South Park and then retreated upstairs to debate everything from gossip at work, to yoga, to how we've changed from high school. It was a great night. And I met their cute (boy) roommate who happens to work as an architect and who I got to share my newfound love of The Fountainhead with.
I'm leaving for LA, then Austin tomorrow. I love to fly! I love vacation!
My bad, Apple doesn't make minis anymore. But a nano would be just as cool and it can still hold up to 2,000 songs. And I could get it in electric blue.
Today was just one of those days that, as my co-worker so succinctly put it, I wish I hadn't gotten up.
My brain was totally not in gear at any point in the day and I would constantly catch myself hanging up clothes that were dirty, driving down a street without paying attention, and staring off into space. It's like I was on auto pilot but my brain forgot to start the engine.
It started out as a so-so day. Not bad, not good.
I sounded okay (flute-wise), but not spectacular and I really couldn't convince myself to buckle down and work on something. My workout was okay, but I didn't really feel great afterwards. I went food shopping and only got necessary stuff, which is always boring. (Let me insert what an amazing store Trader Joe's is ... I got my week's worth of groceries for $13. But then again, I'm leaving town on Thursday, so that's not fabulous).
Then the day got progressively worse.
Folks, I've had two deaths in my life in the past 5 hours. Don't get too concerned, they're not people or anything.
My mom called me after work and told me that our oldest cat, Molly, had died this morning. Apparently my dad sent me an email telling me because he couldn't even get on the phone to tell me. She lived a very full life - she was 13 - and I was sort of expecting it just because she hasn't been looking great the past few times I've been home. In fact, I think I'm okay about it, but I'm really concerned about my dad. Literally this is like losing a child for him. If you've had a pet die that was like a family member, then you understand. She was so spoiled by him and could get away with anything. Add to that the fact that he's alone b/c my mom is in San Francisco and you can imagine what he's going through. I wish I could hop a plane just to be there.
The second death was tragic as well. Actually, they're on two completely different planes so I'm not even going to compare them. My iPod's hard drive crashed. This implies clicking noises and a screen with a picture of an iPod that has crosses for eyes and a tongue sticking out. I'm not kidding. There's nothing I can do b/c it's not on warranty anymore and a new hard drive would cost about half as much as a new iPod. I've been contemplating getting a mini instead since they apparently only last for 2 years anyway and I'll never be able to fill up an iPod like the one that died in 2 years. I just don't listen to that much music, but the stuff I do listen to is really important. I use that thing daily... grrrrr.
The only good parts of my day were that I got a bonus on my check that I wasn't expecting and that I made some money at work tonight and got to keep it all since I was the only one working.
I'm hoping that tomorrow will be an improvement...
I'm sooooo ready for bed. But I feel like blogging because I'm on that very fine line between awake and comotose. Well, really I blame it on the Red Bull and vodka that was my first drink of the evening/morning.
It is so easy to just walk into parties if you know the right ones to go to. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a crasher, but if I was, the one I was working at would have been perfect. Just dress in black and say that you're catering or with the caterers and BAM you're in! It worked for me... except I was with them. But man, a party with free food and apps is the place to be around 12:30 because everyone is leaving and the alcohol is flowing freely. Oh gosh, now I sound like an alcoholic. I'm at the point where I'm ready to delete my entry, but I think it will be much more entertaining this way.
I spent the night passing food, saying/yelling over and over what I was serving, and flirting with the cute boys that can afford $2000 tickets to get them into parties such as this. The VIP room was a joke or at least I didn't know any of them, but I think I saw Steven Spielberg. Not sure though.
My chef is known for drinking on the job, so when he asked me to get him two drinks, I was not surprised. I was surprised when he hands one to me and one to another girl I work with and says, Cheers. I'm starting to like this grizzly bear man more and more. He's a grizzly bear b/c he's gruff on the outside and hard to get to know, but really is just a teddy bear.
Oh gosh, I'm rambling. I think I just need to go to bed. Well, fun reading. Or deciphering. Actually, I'm typing pretty well. Good night!
I smell like Pina Coladas. Sweeet. Literally.
I am having major problems motivating myself to practice this week. I need to keep reminding myself that just because I had a good audition doesn't mean that I actually got in. Also, I just made a reservation for renting a car in Texas and will be spending an extra $80 not to mention gas down to L.A. So that's some good motivation right there - it'd be really great if I didn't spend all that money for nothing.
Instead I've been baking, cooking, getting my tax return together, and working out to avoid practicing. Oh, add to that blogging. I'm going, I'm going, but I'm not going willingly quite yet...
Well last night was probably the best night I'll have this week.
First, I got dressed to the nines and may I say, damn I looked hot. Proof:
My roommate lent me her very chic wrap, so I had to get a full-length view too:
Sorry, it's sorta dark but hopefully you get the picture. hardy har har.
I felt very VIP as I flashed my Platinum Pass and they let me and my friend right in, where we waited for 30 minutes before the program even started. Oh well, it's the concept of being able to get right in that counts, right?
The program was cool (but no screening of Dreamgirls since this guy, Bill Condon, was being honored for his life's work basically.) There were film montages and an interview for about an hour w/ the director. I didn't know it, but he also did Gods and Monsters, Chicago, and a movie I hadn't heard about but really want to see now, Kinsey with Liam Neeson. It was neat to see the array of genres he has worked in and get to hear his insights as an up-and-coming director, but someone that hasn't hit full stardom yet.
Two of the Dreamgirls (the other two besides Beyonce) gave him the award and both were featured in some clips. Um, if you haven't heard Jennifer Hudson's voice yet, go out and see the movie. I'll be right behind you. Her voice is INCREDIBLE. We're talking blowtheroofoff, mirrorshatteringinagoodway amazing. She's the one that was voted off American Idol and is sure showing them who's boss.
This is the three of them. Sorry, guys, I'm a little star happy.
Then came the after party. Of course no one famous was there b/c I'm sure they were at some super secret after party, but I am not one to pass up free drinks and food. Again, I was waved in with my pass as I made my way up the red carpet (probably the only one I'll ever walk on, haha). Once inside, I was bombarded with delicious food and an open bar. Can life get better? Apparently it could. As we were walking around, we discovered a third level to the venue and suddenly we were in a paradise of desserts and free massages. Oh, that wasn't it though - oh no - there were also free products to just take at will. So I loaded up on shea butter that smelled of pina colada and lotion that smelled of pink champagne (not really, it was sorta flowery).
You know when you go get a manicure and the best part is the hand massage? Well, that's what I got for 5 minutes. haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Feeling relaxed, full, and happy, my friend Patty and I felt like it was completely appropriate to duck out at 12:15. I went to bed a pampered girl. I like this treatment, but I think I could get sick of it after a while, or at least grow to not appreciate it as much.
I'm on a blogging roll - I guess I just have a lot to say recently.
Well my news for today is that my manager decided to give me not only a 4 Film Pak to see 4 movies at the Film Festival, but she also gave me her two Platinum Passes to go to an awards show tonight. The show is honoring Bill Condon, the director of Dreamgirls (which I haven't seen - I hope they have a showing before they give him the award). So I'm going w/ one of my friends here and we get priority admittance as well as admittance to the party afterward w/ free booze and food.
SWEET ACTION!!!
I'm sure I will have much to share tomorrow.
On days like today when it is nasty, wet, and cold, the only appropriate thing to do is stay inside and read by the fireplace and watch movies.
I did most of the above, but since I am too lazy and poor, there was no fireplace, or at least no fire in the fireplace.
Book You Should Read
The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seilerstad
Wow - if you want a really good look at everyday life in Afghanistan, but can't handle straight up news like me, this is a good start. It's written as 'fiction,' but it's actually completely non-fiction and it's so interesting to read about a completely different culture and their sets of morals and social world. Talk about realizing how lucky we are as women in America and how amazing it is that we actually get to marry people that we love, and on our own time. Can you imagine marrying someone the age of your grandfather and being expected to feel blessed?
What I like in particular about this book is that it doesn't try to isolate all the differences between 'them' and 'us.' It just naturally shows them by telling stories of everyday events.
(As a side note, I really love this whole not having school and having all the free time in the world to read books that I've wanted to read for a long time. By reading the 'classics' I feel academic and by reading them on my own time, I feel indulgent.)
Movie You Should See
The Hours, with Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman.
Not only are those three women some of the most talented actress I know, but they're surrounded by an amazing cast. I've stated previously that I love movies that follow real time and this is another wonderful example. It just follows three women in three different decades through one day in their life and they're all connected and all almost simultaneous. The symbolism is so poignant and yet subtle at the same time and some expected outcomes and some unexpected.
Philip Glass did the score and I have to say that the music really completed the movie - constantly shifting, but keeping the same undertone and always a little uncomfortable, like you're feeling the uncertainty of each of the women even though they have such a perfect facade. (Incidentally, I think he was also listening to a little too much Counting Crows because I distinctly heard the opening of "Colorblind" at several points.)
Can I go back to how amazing the acting was? Nicole Kidman was a completely different person! Her voice was deeper, not so silky, and she fit perfectly every single aspect of her character. Meryl Streep has proven again and again that she can fill any role given to her and this was no exception. Julianne Moore had probably the hardest role because she never spoke her thoughts - so she had to show everything on her face and yet we knew exactly how she was feeling and the agony that she was going through. Ed Harris and Toni Collette had shorter roles, but no less deep and in fact might have been more complicated because they had to convey so much emotion in such a short amount of time.
The only thing I didn't really get was the whole lesbian theme. I mean I got that it was a theme, but I didn't understand the connection. Perhaps they all didn't feel like they fit in and felt conflicted because they were torn between two worlds in so many different ways?
This definitely needs to stay in my movie collection. I have a feeling I could see it over and over and still get so much out of it.
That was my semi-coma induced attempt at a relevant and witty blog title.
I can't believe that 14 hours ago I was in an audition in L.A. - this day has got to be one of the longest in history.
So, really quickly: I drove from L.A. today to go to work at 4:30. Right now Santa Barbara is in the middle of an International film festival with some big names. I thought that there's likelihood that I will see someone famous and should look good at all times when working. Of course, I was so tired that I didn't really care tonight and just threw something together. And wouldn't you know it, but I waited on Rider Strong and his girl date. (For those of you not in the know, Rider Strong played Shawn in 157 episodes of Boy Meets World and yes I did look that up on IMDB.)
Shawn was the guy that every middle school girl had a crush on and Corey was just the cute boy next door. I had a major crush on Shawn and like to watch the high school episodes more just b/c he's at least dateable at that age instead of a little 13-year-old. Fortunately for me, Rider is too short for me to want to date, you know, because I'm sure he now wants to ditch his date and come back to the restaurant looking for my tore-up self.
So that's my little brush with celebrity. Woo hoo. I can even tell you what they ordered... haha.
I just like that about two months ago that other guy came in from the show - it's like they abound in Santa Barbara or something. Anyway. It was my highlight of the evening.
Oh, and I changed my blog again. Christa was right - it was too green before. I think I like it better this way, but don't be surprised if it changes again.
I felt like my blog needed a makeover. Like it? There were wayyyy too many choices of colors and stuff on the template. It was like being in the Cheesecake Factory and trying to decide which flavor to have - near impossible.
Well, I'm on my way to L.A. this morning. I just had to post because the trip is already off to a good start.
Yesterday was amazing. I:
- got off work incredibly early
- ate at a cheap and delicious Indian buffet (haven't gone since Chapel Hill, seriously) with my friend Hilary
- talked on the phone for an hour with someone I love
- wrote my final cadenza
- had quality roommate time
- had a whole conversation in Spanish with the sous chef
- got up early
- will make myself some tea before leaving
- found that people have commented on my posts after all!!! I just had to 'moderate' them, which I had no idea I had to do. So now I've fixed it so that I can see them right away, but it was like Christmas because I had 14 comments from all you lovely people in one sitting. It was fabulous.
My social life has been nil recently. My days have been 'practice, practice, go listen to music or play for someone, work, yoga' in some order. And actually because of yoga, sometimes 'eat' doesn't get in there b/c you're not allowed to eat for three hours before the class. I feel like I've been fasting for days, since I'm so used to being able to eat whenever I want to.
So I'm taking off time from yoga because I want my body to feel normal again - I want to crave food, I want to not be sore, I want to not be insanely tired every day, and I want to sleep and eat normally.
But back to the social thing: I'm a very social person - I've been getting home and hanging out with my roommates just because I need someone to talk to at the end of the day. I haven't seen any of my friends this week, our schedules always collide which sucks. (Oh, and the boy and I are over. If you really want details, you can call me.) Actually, you can call me anyway because I need to talk to lots of people over the next couple days because 1. I will be driving for 2 hours down to L.A. and back again, 2. I'll need to hear some friendly voices before my audition on Saturday, and 3. I haven't talked to any of you in so long! But we both know that I will probably end up calling you (collectively) because I am almost always the initiator. It's okay - I like it most of the time.
I'm blogging right now solely because I ate way too much for lunch and I can't move a single step from my bed just yet.
I've tried this new thing called bikram yoga - it's yoga done in a room that's like 110 degrees and by the end of it, you've drunk an entire bottle of water simply because you had to to replace all the water you lost sweating. It's super intense. I think I like it because every day is a new challenge for me, like today I got there and was just not into it because I was so tired, so it took a lot of concentration just to stay focused on each move. Also, a lot of the positions are really uncomfortable, which is sort of the opposite of what most people think of when they think yoga, but the instructor said that this just means that my body is getting stronger. So I just paid for an introductory period and then I can decide if I like it enough to drop my gym and just do this.
I played in studio last night for the last time before my audition this weekend and it went so much better than last week (thankfully). I feel almost ready and I've certainly been working on the 'mental games' aspect doing everything I can to just center my thoughts and really concentrate on why going through this process again. It really comes down to the fact that I love music with my whole being and nothing gives me more joy. It's been really interesting to see the results when I simply think about the word 'joy' when I play. No kidding - it has made a world of a difference, I think because it gives me the confidence and reminds me why I love to play.
Okay, I think the food has settled now.
I take joy in the really simple things in life. Things that I feel some people just take for granted, like it just never occurs to them to be happy about.
This week, I made a breakthrough in two parts of my life (in very miniscule ways) that proved to me that I've officially flown the nest. One was making a dish from scratch just the way I wanted to make it - I altered the recipe according to what I liked or didn't like and no one else had to eat it. Silly, I know, but it made a world of a difference to me. At my house, my mom has cooked and I've had to pick out those vicious mushrooms or gag on them in my attempts to make peace with them. But victory was mine as I prepared a spinach lasagna with no mushrooms and no ricotta cheese (I've always wondered what lasagna would be like without the gross ricotta cheese). My little experiment turned out marvelously and I plan to follow it with many more.
The second occured tonight when I couldn't sleep and decided to get up and do something productive instead of lying still wondering when I would drift off. To some this is a very normal practice, but in my childhood, everyone went to bed and no one got up in the middle of the night so I just assumed that's how things were and you would fall asleep eventually. Ah, but the joys of having my own place and not worrying about disturbing anyone should I not be able to sleep! Being up and typing away and just having extra time to think has been so amazing that I won't even feel grumpy when I have to wake up at 8:30 to go to yoga. Plus, I'm going to yoga. We're not talking anything strenuous here.
On another note, I'm getting really nervous about my auditions coming up. I've been coming up with all sorts of things that I can do to get ready, one of which being to play in front of as many people as possible in the next few days. The other is to ask for the prayer of any and all that read my blog. I got a fun little note the other day letting me know that more people read this than I thought. You would never know it from the lack of comments ;) hehe. But getting back to the prayer thing: I am working on having self-confidence and the ability to show my passion, love, and joy of music to the people that I have to play for. Because when it comes down to it, that's why I do what I do and I let these auditions get in the way mentally of the real reason sometimes. So any support in that endeavor is greatly appreciated.